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Does this sound like you a long time ago?

M

MommaN

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Guys, I appreciate your advice. I am a mom of a six-year-old boy (my 3rd son) who is totally into pink and makeup and glitter and girly things. He also loves video games and just life - he's sweet and funny and creative. (His brothers never wanted makeup past the age of 3 and they are straight.)

We think it's more than a phase. (But it still could be, I suppose.) I don't have a good gay male friend to ask so I thought I'd post it on the web.

If this sounds like you when you were young, what would you wish your parents had done? For instance, he would be entering 1st grade at a local school with a lot of ethnic kids who would seriously make fun of him with his pink shoes and lipgloss. So we are homeschooling him. He doesn't know he is different. He is just himself. I dread when he gets mocked in the future. But he is so innocent.

What sorts of things do you wish your parents had done for you when you were young?

Thanks. I want to get this right. His dad and I love him so much.

MommaN
 
I never wanted to wear pink or lipgloss, but I'm sure we've all had our fare share of confusing problems of a similar nature. The only thing I can say is just don't make it seem like its wrong. One thing I don't understand is how people can't see that this is all part of life. If we are truly the good people we wish to be then acceptance is the first thing we should all practice. Accept and embrace his differences. Don't highlight them or anything like that.

Just love your son and be the best parent you can be, which I think you have a good handle on since you don't seem to be trying to correct anything.

Hopefully any of that helped.
 
I wasn't that kind of boy when I was your son's age, so I don't have any advice.

But I'd I'd like to say to you--what great, loving parents you are! Your son is very lucky to have you, and your love...

Somehow I think that, alone, will be enough to assure that all turns out well.
 
If this is a serious post, I'm going to refer you to our sister site- Empty Closets (www.emptyclosets.com).

It's a resource site for GLBT and their friends and families. Its also not as adult-oriented.
 
I don't have any advice other than, it doesn't necessarily mean he's gay, either. There's a whole host of psychological factors that could lead to that, and you have to listen to him about what he wants to avoid confusing him. Don't push him to be gay if he's not..it's really awesome that you're so accepting and I can only say you must be an AWESOME mom and that kid is lucky to have you.
 
Thanks guys!! Very nice of you all. I will head over to your sister site.

I appreciate it.
 
lol i never wanted to wear lipgloss but for a while i would put on t shirts and pretend they are wigs & wore my moms high heels but that was like 9 or 10

and 3 its kind of innocent but you should let him know the "societal norms"
just be like
honey

now you know its not normal for lil boys to wear lipgloss & pink shoes and just try to steer him out of it slowly

(eventhough we know its not really a problem )

but if he continues he could be a strong target for ridicule which would lead to other problems an being mad at you for not stopping him when you could

consult a therapist if you have to lol
 
I think that parents should sit down with their boy and tell him that he is perfectly normal, but that he likes things that are more feminine than masculine. Tell him that there are many other boys out there just like him, but that they only represent a fairly small share of the general population and that he lives in a fairly intolerant society that may not appreciate him until one day in the future.

In the meantime, explain that other boys and girls, and sometimes even his teachers and other adults may say mean things to him because he doesn't fit their narrow idea of what a boy should behave like. This means that he needs to only get dressed up at special times, like mommy and daddy do. The rest of the time, he should just wear ordinary clothes and no make-up.

Encourage him to become involved in social activities that encourage the creative child and where he won't be the only feminine boy there.

Encourage him to rough and tumble too. To challenge himself in individual sports that he might enjoy. Like golf or running or swimming.

Don't treat him like glass or a delicate flower. I think the time has come for him to go to a school and play with other children and get pushed down and his feelings hurt. As long as he has your support and understanding, it will be okay and he'll learn not to hide himself or feel ashamed or fearful.

I want to hear how he has done in about 15 years.
 
If you're going to home school you're kid, please make sure he's well adjusted or he might have social issues down the line (whether he's gay or straight). But I completely agree with Rareboy. I think it'd be best if you send him to school.
 
I don't think I was ever so effiminate it got me in trouble. Having a sister, we did sometimes play with her toys.

I think it's probably not a good idea to keep him out of school*; he'll have to learn to cope with other kids sooner or later, and it's better he does that as young as possible.

Also bear in mind that there's a difference between transsexuality/transgenderism and homosexuality. In the old days the two worlds were merged and there's still some overlap, but with homos the femininity thing is mostly played for laughs these days.

It might be good to read up those subjects, and speak to someone who is specialized in the topic.

*). Having said this, I'm not suggesting you send him to the school on the wrong side of the railroad track or in the ghetto. I wouldn't even send a 'normal' kid there.
 
Enroll him in regular school. He needs to be around other kids his own age. Buy him nice school clothes and explain to him that he can play dress up at home but not in school. Kids are not allowed to take toys to school so just explain it to him that way. You seem like a very loving and compassionate mom. You're awesome!
 
I agree with rareboy too. Let him be but tell him the boundaries of what is accepted in society. I don't think he should be home schooled, don't shelter him from it because sooner or later its gonna hurt him.
 
You are taking the ONE approach I would NOT want you to take, if I were like him. I didn't like feminine things when I was younger, but the worst thing you can possibly do IMO is to segregate him the way you are right now. You're already treating him like an outcast, and kids who get homeschooled seem to have a harder time developing necessary social skills. Kids are going to be evil and hurtful no matter if he wears pink, is fat, or completely "normal."

If anything he needs to build up his defense now, you can't just pamper him and then shove him off into the real world later with no experience - it will be far more traumatic.

The one thing I wouldn't want my parents to do is to treat me differently, which is exactly what you're doing. I know you want to do what's right, but by treating him differently because of his feminine interests (which does not mean he's gay) is exactly what everyone else will do and it will just make things worse IMO.
 
Nope...never into those things at his age. In fact, I had huge action figure and comic book collections at the time.

( I wish I had kept everything together....I could've raked in some serious dough...haha)

Good luck to you and your son. :)
 
Hmm, When I was younger, I put on high heels and play with my mom's make up.

But I grew out of it. Guess it was just a phase for me.
 
I think Rareboy nailed it. It was a good reality check.

You sound like a great mom who is trying to do the right thing, but the worst thing you can do is overprotect your child.

Support him, sure. Tell him you love him no matter what. That is awesome!

But he has to live out in the real world, and sheltering him from it will do more harm than good.
 
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