The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Don't wanna get myself involved, but...

jeffhardylover8472

jeffhardylover8472

JUB Addict
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Posts
1,243
Reaction score
45
Points
38
I've been spending the last couple of nights with a friend of mine who's been having a problem with his boyfriend for a while now. (Just for the record, I went to high school with his boyfriend.) From what I'm told, his boyfriend has been taking advantage of him money-wise and using him for a place to stay (yes, they live together) and also has been cheating on him a lot. My friend kicked him out one night and the next night he asked me to come by, so I did. Sure, we talked and, yes, had sex. Afterwards, we ended up cuddling and just carrying on and all that. Now, with other guys I've felt awkward being myself, but for some reason, the awkwardness went away as I felt comfortable with him.

We did the same thing the next night and I felt even more comfortable. Then over the weekend, I was walking in town and saw him sitting outside on a bench, so I sat with him for a bit and just talked. Just before I left, I told him to message me anytime he just wanted to chill or whatever, in which he told me the boyfriend was back and he didn't know what was going to happen.

Now, in my viewpoint, I can't see why he would keep taking him back if he's just going to use him again, but at the same time, I can't get involved, even though I know the other guy. Also, like I stated, I never felt more comfortable with anyone. He made me feel better about myself and I do think we got along pretty good. Both times, he asked if I wanted to stay overnight. I wanted to, but the first time, I was told his boyfriend would be coming by the next day. The second night though, I guess I was a bit nervous.

What do you guys think? Am I doing the right thing?
 
The possibility of a relationship can't be one-sided and it cannot rely solely upon your feelings.

Your friend has issues with enabling and codependence. He needs to deal with his relationship issues and his own issues before you get more involved with this very messy situation.

Until then, be the supportive listening ear, preferably with via phone and with your pants on.
 
Dysfunctional relationships, unfortunately, are common and leave a lot of wreckage. A relationship isn't over until it's over, so this is likely to go in for quite a while. Even if it ends, without self-improvement help, he'll be attracted to another "bad boy" with the same or similar issues.

There's a therapeutic rule of thumb that encourages people to wail a year before beginning a relationship after one ends. He may have used you for revenge fucking and may even confess to his bf.

He's obviously not ready to break up so don't wait around for him. As a word of caution, you won't get him to break up by hanging around. At this point he seems to need the carrot and stick of co-dependency.
 
The stories about his boyfriend may or may not be true, but your friend doesn't seem like such a prince himself. Just because someone is good in the sack doesn't make him a good person, it sounds to me a bit like you've been dazzled by his awesome sexing.
 
I should point out I've been warned about his bf many times before that he cheats a lot.
 
So I've now been told that his boyfriend is in fact moving out and he says i can spend time with him anytime afterwards, although i would like to give him some breathing space first.
 
I worry about relationships that start out with this much drama and baggage.
 
This breakup-makeup cycle is probably not over yet. :(
 
jeffhardylover8472 said:
So I've now been told that his boyfriend is in fact moving out and he says i can spend time with him anytime afterwards, although i would like to give him some breathing space first.
Click to expand...

So you'd consider this why? So he can use you again? If he was that into you, he'd have chosen you. He didn't.

What does that tell you?

Guys who stay with users and assholes generally have issues themselves, no sane, reasonable person repeatedly goes back to an asshole. If this guy is doing that, then he's not someone I'd even consider starting up with.
 
Especially if he's the professional victim, that guy who's perpetually wounded by cruel world, and just needs you to cherish protect him.

Be careful, that guy will cling like a barnacle and getting rid of him will become high drama.
 
^I think you misread my story. His bf has been using HIM, not him using me. He just reached out to me.
 
jeffhardylover8472 said:
^I think you misread my story. His bf has been using HIM, not him using me. He just reached out to me.
Click to expand...

While it sounds like what happened was consensual, it's a little shady to breakup with your boyfriend because he is cheating, then sleep with a friend then take the boyfriend back.

If you don't realize it, you deserve better. You really do.
 
You're misunderstanding still. His bf of 2 years has been using him and cheating on him. My friend just reached out to me when he threw him out. I never had a bf just for the record.
 
jeffhardylover8472 said:
You're misunderstanding still. His bf of 2 years has been using him and cheating on him. My friend just reached out to me when he threw him out. I never had a bf just for the record.
Click to expand...

No, we understand... it's just clearer to us because we don't have an emotional investment in the situation and well, because we've seen this kind of thing play out before.
 
jeffhardylover8472 said:
You're misunderstanding still. His bf of 2 years has been using him and cheating on him. My friend just reached out to me when he threw him out. I never had a bf just for the record.
Click to expand...

No misunderstanding. Having sex with you right after (literally RIGHT after) breaking up is not something that screams mental health, it screams needy and willing to use anything at hand to satisfy that need. His boyfriend isn't in here to argue for himself, and one NEVER knows what goes on in someone else's relationship so we're not going to deal with him.

Then he went right back. He didn't choose to be with you. Now the situation has repeated. Do you really want to involve yourself in this? Be his friend, don't become his crutch. Don't sleep with him, don't try to date him.
 
If you really are his friend, stop sleeping with him.
Which means more? The friendship or the sex?

He probably needs a friend more than he needs a fuck but it's up to you.
Because of your involvement, you might not see this situation objectively. However, to all of us who have seen these before, this screams disaster and hurt feelings. Good luck in your decision making.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top