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Dump or not to Dump? that is the question

chrisied

chrisied

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need help again guys with my boyfriend (again). on thursday i really wanted to go out and get hammered. he said that he was tied and that he wanted to sleep first. so i let him sleep. and then tried to contact him again and didnt get an answer. an hour past and still nothing. two hours later and still nothing. i then went to bed.
the next day i managed to get hold with him and said that he was really sorry. but then he told me that he went out with his friends instead. i was of course was not very happy about this and asked why he didnt tell me and that if he told me earlier that i would of understood.
i then asked him if i embrassessed him or if his friends didnt like me. he said it was none of that and that he wanted to go out and relax with his friends. i then got extremely suspious about this comment and told him why he couldn't relax with me. he said that he relaxes in a different way with me? (what the fuck is that supposed to mean!!!!)
so what the fuck do i do? please help me guys
 
Its clear he does not respect you, nor longer does he enjoy spending time with you. If he wanted to go with his friends, he should have invited you to come along, unless of course his friends don't know he is gay then you would just have to understand.

It all comes down to how you want to be treated, and if you want to be happy.
 
seems like he has a commitment problem. I think if he can't keep a simple commitment like meeting you out, then he might be a bit harder commiting to you. I would look closer into the relationship he has with "the friend". And if you are at the point of considering dumping him - either talk to him about it or don't talk to him about it.

I think you should go with your instincts - which to me is not that clear.

Maybe your relationship would benefit if you gave yourself some space - not to your boyfriend's knowledge. If he perfers you over his friend - I think he might be the one initiating a desired commitment and following through on it.

Best of luck to you and your beau.
 
just to point out that his friends know that he is gay, and i know who are the friends who he went with out and none of them are gay. i am positive of that front.
 
I think you should give him another chance before deciding. You never know, he might have straight friends, and if hes not out then it would be uncomfortable for him if they found out he actually has a boyfriend. Go invite him out again this weekend and see how he reactions. If he blows u off again, no pun intended, dump him.
 
thats the whole thing i am not with him all the time. sometimes i barely see him coz we are doing our second year at uni. this was going to be the 2nd this week. dont i have the right to see my boyfriend?
 
Well I would have to agree that it is not very nice what he did to you . I definatly think you should have a talk with him.Even though his friends know he is gay maybe he is not ready to be around his str8 friends with his boyfriend. Just a thought.
 
i would give him another shot and see how things go then maybe talk to him. if that doesnt work or he pulls the same crap again. no disrespect but dude needs to be dumped like yesterday's garbage.
 
You're being blown off. What he said might be true but that's not boyfriend material...keep him as a friend and/or fuckbuddy if you want, but look for a BF somewhere else.
 
I understand the comment that he can relax with his friends and yes we do relaxes in a different way than with a partner. But he should have told you he just wanted time to himself before he did it.

In a newer relationship it can seem like hard work being attentive all the time to your partner. If the relationship old then you should have worked out all the little differences. Perhaps it is time you explained what you expect and honesty and being up front would be a good start.

If you want to dump someone because you were not invited because your partner wanted to relax on his own/friends then maybe it is time you took a long hard look at where you are in the relationship and how committed are you or is this something you really want.

Relationships are great but we do tend to over do thing and live in each others pockets in the beginning but if you want to hang on to this guy then you also need to let go and give him time and space to enjoy himself on his own or with friends as he needs to do for you.

All he has done is be a little careless and not tell you his plans. Is that a good enough reason to dump him I don't think so. Now if he was going out and mad passion sex with everyone he meets I could understand you may want to break up with him but not over this.
 
Could it be that he has a problem with you getting hammered? Just a thought.
 
I agree - he's not the sort of person who likes to get 'hammered' - he prefers to stay conscious and relax with friends - you two are incompatible.
 
I once dated a guy who did the same thing to me, several times. He just wanted to be with me for sex, but had trouble also being just a friend. And as in your case, he often lied to me.

Anyway, I dumped him along time ago. And ever since, he keeps calling me trying to "be a friend." My basic message to him now is "too little, to late. I'm not interested anymore."
 
the message about him not liking to get hammered - believe me he does. he is drunk most of the time when we go out. i am usually pretty sober when i go out with him, and he keeps saying that he wants to see me more in a drunken way. so i definetly know that it is not that
 
You know that book, " He's Just Not Into You "?

Hello.....he's just not into you anymore. Maybe he is looking for something a little more uplifting and enjoyable than going out and getting hammered with you.

I think he's dumping ya, so the question is probably moot.
 
I'm not really sure if it has anything to do with disinterest. I'm more inclined to say that he really did just want to go and relax. I mean, even married couples will take a break from each other and hang out with their respective friends without the spouse. In a hetero coupling, it's the equivalent of a night out with the boys.

However, him not telling you that he went out...that's just rude. You'll definitely need to talk to him about that. Whatever you do, don't just ignore it. If you decide to stay with him, he's got to know what acceptable behaviour is.
 
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