dumping GF?

[stonegrill]

Is that wrong for a guy to dump his gf for a gay relationship?

also what should you do if you are the gay who ruin the relationship?

 

[screwnutty]

Wow!

Well I don't know if it's wrong. It not really a black and white issue. If the guy was Gay and in the closet then yeah, cause it wrong for him to just trail the girl along. Now if he BI well it depends on how they broke up etc.

now...what do you mean by "ruined the relationship?" cause I don't know...I can't judge you only you can. I guess if you can look at yourself in the morning then it's all good but really I don't know....never had anybody leave somebody else for me and I don't target ppl who are dating, in relationships or marriages. anyways I guess if you can provided more info into what you did then maybe somebody else on here can help.

 

[M4P]

If you're gay, breaking off with the GF would be the right thing to do

 

[justsimon]

As long as you talk with her about how you feel and don't just jump into things, you're probably doing the right thing. Just be honest.

 

[stonegrill]

so some detail. I am getting a guy to break up with his gf. that is what i think.

First i didn't know that guy has a gf. so I proceeded and he responded. Until after 1 or 2 months later I realized that the guy has a gf. And I met her too, but not introduced. They were holding hads and showing sign of perfect hetero relationship. but after that day, the guy is still sending signals, showing me that he is interested in me.

our relationship is stuck in a weird position. we are not friends, but also not in a love relationship. He never showed me any promise or commitment. But just I sense that he is breaking up with his gf. I was hid from anything of him with the gf, but he keeps on maintaining our relationship (not friendship and not yet love relationship).

I know it must be his fault to get into a hetero relationship if he is TRUELY gay. But the point is I really don't know whether he is gay. If he is a BI, I will never take him because I will know he will leave for a girl, as if he can leave a girl for a guy.

I really don't know what to expect here. I know I am stuck in a position where I cannot proceed and cannot recede. Anyhow I do keep my eye open if anyone come. But I was thinking, am I being bad for opening my heart to others while he may be trying to break up with his gf for me? I really have no clue.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

so some detail. I am getting a guy to break up with his gf. that is what i think.

First i didn't know that guy has a gf. so I proceeded and he responded. Until after 1 or 2 months later I realized that the guy has a gf. And I met her too, but not introduced. They were holding hads and showing sign of perfect hetero relationship. but after that day, the guy is still sending signals, showing me that he is interested in me.

our relationship is stuck in a weird position. we are not friends, but also not in a love relationship. He never showed me any promise or commitment. But just I sense that he is breaking up with his gf. I was hid from anything of him with the gf, but he keeps on maintaining our relationship (not friendship and not yet love relationship).

I know it must be his fault to get into a hetero relationship if he is TRUELY gay. But the point is I really don't know whether he is gay. If he is a BI, I will never take him because I will know he will leave for a girl, as if he can leave a girl for a guy.

I really don't know what to expect here. I know I am stuck in a position where I cannot proceed and cannot recede. Anyhow I do keep my eye open if anyone come. But I was thinking, am I being bad for opening my heart to others while he may be trying to break up with his gf for me? I really have no clue.

---
Look, you seem to be very honest here.

You are neither friends alone nor are you in a committed relationship. It really boils down to being good, ole, 'fuck buddies' for a wont of a better expression.

His relationship with his GF is only his and you have no part in it whatsoever.

There is no way of knowing, how anyone (BI or not) may act in the future. It is your future, so you call the shots.

For my part, I would not seriously consider any relationship with someone, who is coupled and is having a few side affairs clouded in a weil of secrecy. If a guy needs a fuck buddy and has the guts to come up and say so, he is all fine.

If he is hiding anything, he is a major turn off.

SC

 

[Soilwork]

My advice is to run.

fast.

and dont' look abck.

If he's a guy who's dating a girl, wait until he knows what he wants.. and then if it's just you, then proceed with caution.

Until then, you'll have more fun sticking your head into a hornet's nest.

 

[Reprobate]

I just read your second post, it is his choice how to deal with his girlfriend. You have to decide what is right for you. Ask yourself if you would be comfortable being involved with a bisexual guys who has a girfriend and are you OK with his infidelity, personaly I couldn't do it but it is your choice.

 

[screwnutty]

Sounds like the guy wants to have his cake and eat it two!

I say confront him and look him in the eyes and say "what the hell do you want from me? I have to know, now."

If he doesn't give you a clear cut answer...walk away. Like soilwork says!!

 

[RicanDAB]

Stonegrill,

This is not a situation you want to get yourself into. He's already leading a double life with his GF, what makes you think this will be any different if he's with you?

I have very serious issues with guys who call themselves "bi" and do not admit this to their female partners. In my mind, these guys are in the closet and they are certainly guys to stay away from, until they come to terms with who they are. I was there once and I know now why gay guys would not get inviolved with me when I was at this stage.

 

[hermanding]

i just don't know if i'd wanna play on that playground - you're the outsider for sure. if the guy decides to get out of it and date other guys, that's something else. at this time, if you feel anything, you could be stomped
ding

 

[justsimon]

You sir, are being used. He either doesn't know what the fuck he wants, or he does but is unable to deal with it. In either case, you need to get the hell out of there. Now.

Yep........

 

[BennoBoy]

Stonegrill, I was in the same situation where I had to dump my ex-girlfriend after I've realised that I actually prefer guys, and there was a guy I really like, and decided to see him.

I carefully explained to my ex-girlfriend about my situation, which wasn't easy for me, because I HAD to be honest with her. She now accepted my situation, and we still remain close friends. The best thing is be HONEST, tell the truth and express your feelings.

 

[ivyguy24]

well, if you're gay then it would be wrong of you to continue the relationship....

if you're bi...then things are a bit more complicated...in that case I don't think it's any different from dumping someone to go out with someone else (of either sex). To be totally "right" there'd have to be something wrong with the relationship you're in.

 

[stonegrill]

Just an update, I did come clean to him asking what he wants. He looked into my eyes (staring not moving at all) saying that he has a perfect girl friend and that he enjoys her. I guess that is very clear.

I am positive that he is using me to satisfy his gay needs. He traped me to love him just to get him feel satisfied. It's just so f*ck! I had been in relation with Bi. Those were brutal. I swear I will never fall in love with a Bi again. But damn in this case, he acts like available for gays and traps me to him. It is just SHIT. (sorry I don't always swear, but I just can't control my hatred.)

He told me that he LIVES with his girlfriend. It is so clear that I should RUN! Any suggestion on how? coz part of me is still stuck.

 

[RicanDAB]

Lord, if I were you I would film myself having sex with him again and send his girlfriend the DVD! OMG ... KIDDING!!!!

Cut this guy off cold, and start to look for other guys more into what you're looking for. You'll find you will eventually and easliy let this guy go once you make more friends more to your leaning. I don't blame you for avoiding bi's now - I know what you mean. He'll get his, don't worry about that!

 

[kurtwild]

guy+guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you like the guy go for him!

dont care about the gf.

 

[stonegrill]

Thanks for all your advice. Today I met him, but the feeling inside told me to ignore him and this is what i did. I really don't need to know or even respect a person who will trap me to satisfy his 10-20% curiousity.

thanks.

 

[Lube]

Congratulations. You got some great advice here, followed it, and--in the long run--you'll be much happier.

 

[spreadeagle]

It is always wrong, in the sense that it's rude and damaging, to 'dump' anyone. The appropriate way to terminate a relationship that has soured or is no longer feasible is by making a private face-to-face appointment on neutral territory specifically to do so.

If necessary you should have taken legal advice beforehand.

The person initiating the meeting should begin by summarising the positive benefits they've received from the relationship...
BUT...
and then list the reasons for his/her decision to terminate the relationship
THEN...
Allow the other person the opportunity to respond but remain firm in your resolve.
NEXT...
briefly outline any practical requirements for terminating the relationship e.g. 'I'll have all my stuff moved out of the apartment on Friday afternoon', 'Here's a cheque for the $5,000 you lent me' etc.

In my view it is usually a mistake to try and soften the blow by saying anything like 'let's remain good friends'. Do everything you can to avoid bumping into each other in social circles for at least 3 months. This will allow each of you to heal and move on ASAP. When you do meet again, the fact that the sexual relationship terminated tactfully, honestly and cleanly will greatly increase the chances of a positive ongoing friendship.