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[Tweakninja]

This is a ramble I made not to long ago. I wanted to post it and see what you guys think. I just made this account but I'm sure if you just read this, than maybe you could somehow help me... clear my head. I just need some advice from other gay men. My brother was not helping.




I will type what I feel, instead of writing it. I keep going over and over in my mind about if I made the right decision to be with Josh. There are so many times that I love him. But there are just as many times when I feel like I don't. What would you call this. An unsure bastard? A heart breaker? Cruel and unusual... sounds more like it. I don't believe he knows about my up and downs. I don't know if it is me, or if its him. He pressure's me to see him all the time. Which I guess I can understand, but with no car, a job, and family that just won't stop complaining about the decisions I make, It makes it a little hard to spend my every off day with him. We have been together for 7 months. We tell each other we love each other. But I wonder if I lept in this relationship to soon. It bothers me that he is 28. It bothers me that he has bad dental hygiene. It bothers me that he still lives with his mom. It bothers me that he acts like a kid when I can't come over, or don't feel like going over to his house. God forbid that he should ever come over to mine. It bothers me that I feel like I have to take care of him when all this time in my life I thought it would be me that was took care of. It bothers me that he has probation. It bothers me that he has a warrant out for his arrest. Yea, I know. Real bad boy right? Nope, just a lazy good for nothing pig. What an interesting string of words. Why do I feel this way when I'm away from him but when I'm with him I feel like I love him. Is it cause its what I think I should do when I'm with him.

~Pro's~
He is a wonderful cook.
He is cute-ish.
He has a big "ego" (Tossed that one in cause the Con's was looking to be a litter longer)
~Con's~
I'm 20 and he's 28.
Bad teeth.
Lives with his mom. (Can't say to much cause I still live with my Mom)
Probation
Owes money but yet never seems to save any to pay for ,said, probation.
Act's like a kid when I either can't or don't feel like going over to his house.
Doesn't seem to have any direction in his life. (Like a hobby, or a job for instance)

 

[youngnihilist]

Sounds like he's bad news and you already know it.

 

[seven2go]

He's on probation AND has an outstanding warrant?........
No job at present or no job ever? And if he ded......why isn't he still doing it?
There's a big difference between bad teeth and poor oral hygiene.......or do you just REALLY like nice teeth?
At age 28 this dude SHOULD have some direction, at least SOME kind of hobby and, unless he is unemployable which is hard to say in this economy, SHOULD be producing an income somehow.......
So he's a possessive leech living at home who makes demands but doesn't respond to the wants of others.
The part about the big ego is telling.......what the fuck does this guy have going for him about which to be egotistical?......

Just some observations and commentary.......

 

[medic1]

Sounds to me that you did not look before leaping i dont think you need us guys to say uh uh.
Though in all fairness why do you think that you should be the one getting it all
is this because he is a whole 8yrs older and your the boyish 20yr old who should have guys with money and not be so old throwing themselves at you?
Am not being a bastard m8 but if you are not happy in a relationship then just by reading your post you seem to know what you want from a partner and this guy does not seem to be providing it i noticed you never once mentioned feelings of love,just the fact that he is a whole 8 yrs older with no money,your valid points are no job,no money,probation bad teeth not even going to comment on ,no future DEFO. Hope that helps .

 

[KaraBulut]

You're 20. You're still learning from your mistakes. This was one that you hopefully will learn from.

 

[Tweakninja]

Yes, I realize the poor judgment I made when I started seeing him. It didn't seem so... how can I say... annoyingly awful at the time. I think I just needed a wake up call. A slap in the face with the What the hell was you thinking comment. But I've talked to a few friends and after reviewing your posts I've come to a decision.

My only problem is that I'm to nice. The last thing I ever like to do is hurt someone. And I know when I tell him its over it will break his heart. This is something I have learned from and definitely won't be jumping in to a relationship like I did with this one.

Although, Medic, I don't look for guys with money. I just need help. I can't provide everything that he was wanting with the pay that I get as a cashier. Love is really all I need, and a good connection. I thought I had found that in him but he proved me wrong. It was like the longer I knew him the worse things got.

But thank you guys for comments. I know what I have to do know.

 

[medic1]

Buddy i think that there was maybe a little misunderstanding there i was in no way implying that you were a gold-digger and if it came across that way then i really do apologise as i certainly did not mean it that way.
What got me on the defensive a little bit about your partner was in the post you did mention love,yet when you were listing the pros and cons there was no mention of it anywhere,where i would have thought that would be the 1st one
that you would have listed.
Having said all that i did agree with you ,why should you be expected to drop evertthing and go running when he wants,and to be fair m8 8yrs is not a huge age gap for guys who say that they are in love though at 20 i can sort of understand where you are coming from ,i also left a post on your other thread where hopefully you dont think i was to harsh.
Again i apologise if you thought i meant because of your age i was calling you a gold-digger nothing was further from my thoughts,again welcome back to jub

 

[Tweakninja]

No worries, I was a little stressed last night. I took things the wrong way. I think I need a break. Just be with myself and love it. Thank you again.

 

[KaraBulut]

My only problem is that I'm to nice. The last thing I ever like to do is hurt someone. And I know when I tell him its over it will break his heart. This is something I have learned from and definitely won't be jumping in to a relationship like I did with this one.

It's not about being nice, it's about choices.

You listed 3 good things about him and 7 less than desirable things about him. He can change most of the 7 things you listed. He's chosen not to change them.

It's your time to make a choice. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work. He's ultimately dragging you down and he's getting in the way of you acheiving personal goals that you want to acheive. And that difference between you is enough to kill a relationship.

Don't be mean. Don't say you're breaking up with him because he has bad teeth. Just say that you want to focus on work/school/career/family and that the two of you just have different priorities in your life.

And next time, choose better.

 

[Tweakninja]

Well I did it.
Instead of making a whole new thread about it, I'll just bump this one.

I finally did it. I ended it with him. He was devastated. There were tears. But luckily we come to the agreement of being friends and all is good. But I'm sure we really won't be talking much anymore. I am a little sad about it. The fact that I am once again alone, kinda bothers me, but I'm going to use this chance to focus on myself. Try and better myself in so many ways. Work on getting a car, for sure.

But yea, just wanted to let you guys know that you have helped me out. Thank you.

 

[yourally]

I usually hate when people say things like this..but...

you sound like a great guy, and if that's you in your pic, this guy is an idiot for not changing simply based on your looks (so shallow I know haha) and coupled with a personality that sounds like you have your head on your shoulders and really only want love and a connection? UGH, his loss. Good luck