eh..the single rant..

[framacias]

so im sure somewhere here this has been a topic.
but i just need to get it off my chest..

i have been single for 3 years now.
Im 21. and have yet to experience a "real" relationship.

i've been in one.. thats when i was 18.
and the "relationship" i was in lasted like...maybe 5 or 6 months. it was kinda long distance. i was driving to school where this guy stayed at and he lived like 5 min. away from the campus.
anyway, well he had some issues i guess (mainly commitment issues/trust issues). towards the end of the relationship he mentioned this in a nonchalant way...blaming it on his parents somehow, as well as failed relationships. he even informed me that this was his longest relationship...i was naive at that moment...i shouldve known that was a big giveaway i guess. for that being my first time, i guess it was shitty. well it ended shitty. he'll call me once in a while drunk...slurring...just insane things, mainly "i fucked up...its my fault why we broke up...i didnt mean to hurt you..." etc.
i didnt develop any like broken heart or anything. hell i didnt even hold much of a grudge against it. so i cant blame me being single on like, "bad experiences".


anyway, well since then...i have been...i guess. by myself. i mean, yeah i have my friends...but no one like to be i guess by themselves, especially when it seems like everyone is with somebody else. but dont get me wrong, "me time" is always good. i personally believe everyone should have it...

its been a while. a very long while apparently. and i mean, i feel inexperienced really with everything, considering he was the only guy i had been "intimate" with, but not only that, also the fact that that was my only relationship under my belt...

with that being said...

im ready to get back into the dating scene. im not sure why i have been out of it for so long...
but like...i dont even know where to start. i mean im pretty timid ,i guess that would be the best word for me.
im not big into the whole club scene either. never really got hooked on it.
not saying that, thats the best place to meet people-but ya know. you get my point i hope.

eh. i just feel like im shit out of luck.

i know, this is more of a rant or something...
but any input into this clutter of words would be cool.
or anyone else with a similar situation or whatever. haha

 

[LotusOnBuddha]

I think alot of guy's are in your boat. They don't dig the bars or clubs, but feel that they are the only places to meet guys. And it sort of makes sense...a gay bar...full of gay men.

However if you're not feeling those, why not try getting involved in something? Volunteer at the local GBLT center, or check out gay groups, if philly has them i'm sure your city must as well. Like hiking, or a book club, something that you're interested in, its a good way to meet new people as well as meet people interested in the same things you are. If your city lacks groups, why not start one? It could help you over come your "timidness."

As someone else in the dating pool i must say that one of the most important things in dating, is not needing to be in a relationship. You have to be ok with yourself, before you can venture into the land of partnership. Because if you don't know your own limits and what you want and will tolerate/compramise/deal with, you're not ready for a serious relationship. You have to be able to be your own man before you can be someone elses. You also want to look for guys who are their own men! One of the things i find deeply unattarchvie is desperation. If you act like being single is the worst thing ever, you're going to either pair up with the wrong kind of guy, or scare off the good catches.

My next pearl of wisdom! Dating isnt a bad thing, if you only go out with a guy a few times, and he doesnt call back, don't go slashing your wrists. Things simply didnt click, and thats ok, another amazing catch could be around the corner! If things got after and they go sour, try and learn from the relationship and grow from it. It takes 2 to tango. Relationship failure is rarely one person's fault, don't blame yourself whole heartedly but ask yourself what you could have done differently. Trying to be objective about a relationship is hard but its a sure fire way to make sure you don't make the same mistake/ choice in guy again.

Enjoy being single! Its like going to a buffet you get to try a little bit of everything.

 

[slave4supernewty]

I'm definitely in your boat. I'm 21 and I have been single my entire life. No one I've liked has ever liked me back (they are mostly straight but there have been a couple gay ones in there), I haven't dated any one, just some random hookups.
Right now I'm honestly just tired of being single and feeling like I have no one there for me.
I'm in SoCal and it's such a judgemental/image conscious place and unless you are a skinny or buff white or latin boy, it is 10 times as hard to get noticed. Buff black guys don't really cut it I guess....

 

[KaraBulut]

LotusOnBuddha is correct.

The first purpose of dating is to meet people and have fun. Every now and then you find a relationship- often when you weren't even looking for one.

 

[framacias]

...Right now I'm honestly just tired of being single and feeling like I have no one there for me...

yeah. thats sort of the feeling i have.

i just dont think it will be anytime soon before i meet someone that actully likes me in that manner...dont get me wrong, its not like im pushing it. im not at all.
its just that...i dunno, the thought of it is a bit of a downer. hehe.
geez.

 

[framacias]

LotusOnBuddha is correct.

The first purpose of dating is to meet people and have fun. Every now and then you find a relationship- often when you weren't even looking for one.

yeah...he is def. right.

i agree with him.

but...the thing is that,
i havent been looking for 3 years.
haha. and i havent even had a measly date or anything.
maybe im just...bad luck.
eh. haha.

 

[framacias]

As someone else in the dating pool i must say that one of the most important things in dating, is not needing to be in a relationship. You have to be ok with yourself, before you can venture into the land of partnership. Because if you don't know your own limits and what you want and will tolerate/compramise/deal with, you're not ready for a serious relationship. You have to be able to be your own man before you can be someone elses. You also want to look for guys who are their own men! One of the things i find deeply unattarchvie is desperation. If you act like being single is the worst thing ever, you're going to either pair up with the wrong kind of guy, or scare off the good catches.

yeah...i think that you are right about that.
but ya know, i dont go out advertising that i am single. haha.
heh. and when you say i have to be my own man? could you clarify that? i have a mild bit of confusion. its too early for me to operate.

 

[LotusOnBuddha]

yeah...i think that you are right about that.
but ya know, i dont go out advertising that i am single. haha.
heh. and when you say i have to be my own man? could you clarify that? i have a mild bit of confusion. its too early for me to operate.

Well then put down the scalpel and pick up a cup of coffee!
Being your own man is taking responsiblity for yourself, your life. Be comfortable in your own skin. You have to have control of your own life, don't let someone else direct or lead/live it for you. Don't define yourself by your relationship, or who you date. Guys that are their own men know themselves and what they want from a relationship or lover and take an active approach to finding it. It's about taking control of your love life or even your life in general instead of leaving it up to chance or another person. Too many guys are waiting for Prince Charming instead of trying to become a Prince Charming themselves. Try and be a Prince Charming. ( not the sherk flavor of Prince Charming mind you)
To borrow a line from Terminator 2, There is no fate but what you make. If you don't take an active roll in Dating, its not going to happen.

Remember dating is fun~ Lots of guys hate it, but why? You get to go to posh restaurants or do something corny like play tourist in your own city. You can have a lot of fun and get to know some great and ...some not so great guys. But have fun, its like any activity in your life. It is what you make it. If you focus on hating dating then your going to hate it. If you try and have a good time, you will.

Ok its my day off... I'm going shopping... ALSO a good place to meet the gays. Just pay attention, if you see a cute guy checking you out while you scope out the Affliction tees, why not ask for his opinion on something, its a good way to strike up a conversation. Or if your at starbucks, and there is an interesting fellow behind you, ask for his recommendation. It might be strange at first but this isnt hollywood, so the wind will not blow you into him. A magic crab will not float you two to the ceiling so you can meet. You have to be your own man and step up to the plate and make it happen.

I need more caffeine