Ejaculation Delay Issues

jayamsterdam · Aug 27, 2012

Hi guys,

so I am having a hard time ejaculating - I can cum when I am by myself and masturbating. I can be done within 3 minutes, dump loads, and be happy. HOWEVER, when I am with someone, I can't seem to cum at all.
Recently I've started engaging in sexual acts with a friend of mine who I've had a crush on (and am trying to get onto the dating route) but I can't seem to cum at all.
I was with a guy about two years ago for over a year who was physically and emotionally abusive, and I think my ejaculatory problems started there. I don't want to necessarily see a therapist and spill my guts but am curious to know if anyone else has these same issues. Again, I'm able to cum when I am jacking off by myself, but can't seem to do it with an intimate partner. Help!!!

borg69unimatrix · Aug 27, 2012

I've had ex's were for what ever reasons they were the only ones who knew the secret push/pull/squeeze/yank... method it took to get them off.

Personally, I think it's psychological. You're not allowing yourself to let go enough, and let them be in control of your body to make you cum. Let your defenses down a little, Relax, stop worrying so much, and maybe verbally and visually show them what it is that you like.

Sex isn't the magic you see on porn. It takes a lot of practice to get it right.

floridaboy · Aug 27, 2012

im kinda in the same boat as you, whenever im fucking someone, it either takes me forever or not at all(i usually just tell them im just tired or alittle dehydrated) even it's been weeks since i last got off. But jacking off by myself, i can do it in only a couple of minutes

what i think is it might be is an emotional thing, maybe you need a more emotional connection with someone, i know when i have a boyfriend that i actually like, sex is alot better vs hooking up with someone.

jayamsterdam · Aug 27, 2012

Yah the guy I am referring to I REALLY like...I have liked him for a year and we have been heavy duty flirting and we just broke the sexual tension a while back. He is not that comfortable with himself - I've only come out to myself in the past year, so I am afraid of ruining anything or bringing up the "R" word (relationship), so I am really anxious when I am with him. I just want to PLEASE him and make him cum (which I've been good at) but at the same time he is feeling inadequate because he's not getting me off - despite the fact that he is not inadequate at all, I just REALLY care about him and like him A LOT!

Marqovuu · Aug 28, 2012

It sounds like you're worried about turning him away from you, or messing something up. From your last post it seems like caring about him has put up a barrier that won't let you fully release. It's very understandable. You've wanted him for so long, and now you have him. You're worried about him leaving, or calling it off. I can relate. I was in a relationship with someone, who I liked for a long time. I pretty much bent over backwards to make it work, and in the end it didn't. We both wanted different things, and personally I wasn't happy in the relationship. But that's another story.

You gotta talk to him. Find out where you two are, and what you both want from this. I know you said he isn't ready to be in a gay relationship, and you're worried that bringing it up can damage what you have. From the sounds of it though what's going on now isn't exactly working well either.

You need to drop the barrier you have up now. You can give yourself fully.

thephoenix · Aug 28, 2012

borg69unimatrix said:
I've had ex's were for what ever reasons they were the only ones who knew the secret push/pull/squeeze/yank... method it took to get them off.

Personally, I think it's psychological. You're not allowing yourself to let go enough, and let them be in control of your body to make you cum. Let your defenses down a little, Relax, stop worrying so much, and maybe verbally and visually show them what it is that you like.

Sex isn't the magic you see on porn. It takes a lot of practice to get it right.

Gotta agree 100% with this. Unless you are taking some sort of medication. Off the top of my head, the antidepressant Celexa hes the side effect of delayed or pleasureless orgasm. I believe Cymbalta can also cause similar side effects. The dextromethorpan in over the counter cold mess can also affect it. But if you are not on meds then as the others have pointed out, it's most likely nerves/psychological.

Howlly · Aug 28, 2012

Same issue here. Only my current partner has ever been able to make me come with a handjob, and that's only happened a couple of times. I've never cum from anal or oral sex of any kind.

I feel bad sometimes when we're having a wank together that it'll take me longer, I think I put pressure on myself, I feel as if I'm under pressure to perform in a certain way and by feeling this pressure I get anxious, and put off.

Doing it myself is fine, hell I've even masturbated in bed next to my partner while he's fast asleep and not woke him up ahaha.

I need to let go, but I don't find that I can.

Kyanimal · Aug 28, 2012

Seem we're talking about "Performance Anxiety". No problems when alone, butt hassles with someone. Yes?

It's a lot like being "Pee Shy". There's a mental block to 'letting go' with an 'audience'. ](*,)