Ever been w/ someone who's gone a lot?

[thisisinteresting]

My boyfriend is in France for 10 days... Well, I guess like 8 or 9 more. This is the second time this year, if it gives you any idea on how often this happens. I moved from my town w/ friends (which I wanted to get out of, screw that town though I miss the people) to this town, Edmonds, where he lives. I was born here and moved away around 3rd grade. I kinda made it seem like I was trying to get out of everett, get closer to seattle, and might as well move back to this town, but the truth shortly came out that to be honest, I moved here for him. It makes him feel kinda weird because of how busy he is, and it makes him feel bad. I assure him it's okay because the time we spend together makes everything worth it.

I feel invalidated saying this, because it's my first relationship, but I've never felt this way about anything, anyone, anywhere. I'm a vocal person with some strong opinions on things, always been a heavy debater, but still, no feeling has ever come close.

Anyway, enough of how hopelessly in love I am... I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice moreso than just a place to vent. Work keeps me busy a lot of the time, even though all I do is think about him while I'm there. I'm thinking of picking guitar back up, or better yet, asking my dad to get my bass amp fixed. I just need a hobby, I figure.

My car is in bad condition, so driving to spend time with friends isn't always an option. I used to get wrapped up in online MMO games like WoW, Diablo II, or PSO and pass a lot of time that way.

Right now, I figure, I can't be dealing with it in the most healthy way, I'm simply smoking weed and sleeping my time away. I slept 15 hours today. That probably sounds like a freakish amount to most, but 11-12 hours is a good night's rest for me. I just kept going back to sleep and then figured I should get up since it's 4 or 5pm. But then the thought struck me, "why?" and I realized that probably shouldn't be happening. I should at least want to get out of bed!

I'm used to him leaving on these god awful business trips, but I'm no longer the independent lone wolf I've been all my life - I finally found a matching jigsaw piece (and that shit is GLUED in place) and now I feel like something's missing when he's gone.

I'm not a very organized or structured person, so part of this is also just helping me organize my thoughts. Any input or ideas are always appreciated though. My loose plans are to get my debts covered (paying my ticket off this week) and then, one step at a time, hope to reverse the damage done to the car that is now mine, by it's previous owner. I'll start with an oil change, since god knows when/if that's ever been done. I'm twice as close to seattle as I used to be, so if I had a trustworthy car, this would not be an issue, as I can find things to do. It's just being in this little random yuppie caucasian city with one friend that makes things hard for me.

Anyway, I've lost the original destination my train of thought had, if any. Thanks for reading or at least just letting me post this here.

 

[hottie1982]

Thanks for posting!

 

[josher]

You are exhibiting all the signs of chronic depression.

You really need to see a doctor pronto.

 

[MainEntry]

I was going to reply, then left JUB for a while, but felt compelled to reply to your post. I agree that you are flirting with depression if not already there. There are certainly some things you can do yourself to become happier, like becoming physically active, becoming involved in helping persons less fortunate than you, etc. You are also living in a place which is extremely gloomly in winter.

Please seek some advice somewhere. It's not healthy for a young person to sleep all the time. And, YES, it is difficult to have a relationship with someone who is gone a lot.

 

[thisisinteresting]

I really can't stress enough how much I normally sleep. I had horrible attendance problems in school because of oversleeping, because I couldn't fall asleep early enough to get my needed extra amount of sleep... and I think when you sleep through the the day instead of the night it takes more sleep to get you the same amount of rested. To clarify a little, today wasn't a "why get out of bed" as in because life sucks, it was just like "why bother? I could just fall back asleep again and there's absolutely nothing for me to do toda...Zzz..."

I mean I'm not doubting things I'm feeling are depressed but there's being depressed and having depression. I'm just kinda down in the dumps, I'm a happy guy almost all the time, I know I'm not chronically depressed. The last time I got to spend quality time with him was like January 27th or 28th. I got to see him for a very short while the night before his flight... I guess it's just harder when he leaves and I've already been missing him a lot. As much as it bothers me when he leaves, it does get easier each time.

I haven't been as physically active though, that would help... I was skateboarding for a while but then the weather turned to shit (like you said, haha).

EDIT: My diet too. Jesus, I need to buy some groceries. Been being too lazy about food, too, not getting the energy I need.

 

[texan_slant]

You definitely sound depressed.

When moving to be with someone (or not), it is best to see it as moving somewhere "for yourself" rather than moving somwhere "for someone".

In love, relationships, friendships, and in life, it is always best to do things for yourself rather than "for someone" - even if they are decisions involving someone else.

When relying on someone else (rather than relying on within) for eternal happuness, inevitably disappointment occurs if things don't seem to be falliing into place.

Take care. You might want to find someone - anyone - a friend, family member, or third party, who can listen.

 

[drhladnjak]

Depressed or not, you're sleeping too much for somebody your age. 11-12 hours per day is NOT a normal amount of sleep. Sliding up to 15 is bordering on ridiculous. Needing that much can really interfere with your ability to lead a productive life. Seeing a doctor about it would be a good idea.

When I was about your age, I went from needing about 8 or 9 hours of sleep per night to around 12. I was in college at the time and didn't have too many places I had to be at during specific times because I only had two classes that semester. My social life was basically dead at the time and I excused all the sleeping as just have nothing better to do. I went to the doctor at some point about it and was diagnosed with depression, much to my surprise. Depression was not what I expected it to be I guess, but looking back knowing what I know now it was an accurate diagnosis.

That's not to say that you're depressed, but you should see a doctor about it because you really don't know what may be wrong.

Not to be too snarky, but did you honestly think moving from Everett to Edmonds would really change things much? Sure, it's closer to Seattle but it's still pretty far away from anything interesting. All of developed of SnoCo is basically a suburban wasteland one way or another, although scenery varies.

 

[thisisinteresting]

You definitely sound depressed.

When moving to be with someone (or not), it is best to see it as moving somewhere "for yourself" rather than moving somwhere "for someone".

In love, relationships, friendships, and in life, it is always best to do things for yourself rather than "for someone" - even if they are decisions involving someone else.

When relying on someone else (rather than relying on within) for eternal happuness, inevitably disappointment occurs if things don't seem to be falliing into place.

Take care. You might want to find someone - anyone - a friend, family member, or third party, who can listen.

I didn't really think of it like that - phrasing it that way... I can see how it makes him feel weird. I guess I should've said I moved here for us. So we could be together more. I don't really think of it as a one-sided type of thing.

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about how you feel when he's away?

He may have some really nice and comforting things to say to you on the matter. I'm sure he wouldn't like for you to be feeling this way, and would probably say or do whatever he can to make this time a bit better for you.

I think you should have a good talk with him about it. He may say some things to put your mind at ease.

Be happy- at least you have someone to miss.

We text and e-mail back and forth when he gets the chance to talk. Which is... maybe once a day. It helps.

Depressed or not, you're sleeping too much for somebody your age. 11-12 hours per day is NOT a normal amount of sleep. Sliding up to 15 is bordering on ridiculous. Needing that much can really interfere with your ability to lead a productive life. Seeing a doctor about it would be a good idea.

When I was about your age, I went from needing about 8 or 9 hours of sleep per night to around 12. I was in college at the time and didn't have too many places I had to be at during specific times because I only had two classes that semester. My social life was basically dead at the time and I excused all the sleeping as just have nothing better to do. I went to the doctor at some point about it and was diagnosed with depression, much to my surprise. Depression was not what I expected it to be I guess, but looking back knowing what I know now it was an accurate diagnosis.

Okay, see you went from 8 hour sleeper, to sleeping heavily.

I've slept this much all my life! I don't know what you want me to do, start taking amphetamines so I sleep less? It's just how my body works, I've always cursed the thought of only sleeping 8-9 hours. I need 10 minimum. 9 WILL suffice, but I've always preferred 10. The 15 thing was that one day, it's not a regular thing. When I have to day off work I guess it just helps me recuperate to sleep as long as I want. My main sleep problem is being woken before I'm ready. Even with a lot of sleep, if I'm awoken by a stupid alarm clock, or a deadline or whatever, I won't feel as rested as if I woke up naturally, no matter what time. I think that has a (hardly avoidable) effect. I appreciate the input though, not trying to discount what you have to say!

Not to be too snarky, but did you honestly think moving from Everett to Edmonds would really change things much?

Yes. And it did. He lives in Edmonds. He'd rarely know ahead of time when he'd have free time, so finding enough time for me to drive from Everett to Edmonds definitely kept me from seeing him a lot of the time. Ironically, it must've been the day after he was like "We should be seeing each other a lot more now that you live so close!" it was like Boeing decided, "Hey, should we quadruple Wayne's workload? I think that sounds like a good idea, I'd rather go drink beers than do my share of the work anyway."

EDIT: I can't go see a doctor (and wouldn't anyway, sorry, I know myself and I'm not suffering from depression in that sense) because I don't exactly have medical insurance. If I could see anyone about something, I'd go get my impacted wisdom teeth removed and maybe see somebody about possible social anxiety problems moreso than depression. Alas, not everyone has thousands and thousands of dollars in pocket change to throw at the medical industry. My dad just got a job at Greyhound though, I wonder if that has any medical coverage stuff. Probably not for 6 months even if it does.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

You want to get some lite structure and even a sense of order into your life.

Drop the weed thing now.

Txt your BF once a day or so and let him get on with his business. He loves you but he has to pay his rent/mortgage + put some food on the kitchen table, too.

Get yourself a cup of good coffee and decide:

You want to start doing something that is USEFUL. Like going to school or getting to work. You need to get your own $$$ (like it or not); you need to have your health insurance, a decent car and some money in the bank to make sure that you can weather a rainy day or two, fix your dental problems, etc..

There are things to be done and there is little time to be wasted.

But you knew that, didn't you?

SC

 

[najfus]

I think Silver said it all.