Every Time

[MysticTortoise]

So I just had something happen to me again, that seems way too common. Just wondering if its in general or I just have bad luck.

I met a guy, and we went on a date. Everything was great, he invited me out for his best friends birthday the day after. After that we made plans for later in the week, but he had to cancel. Today we were going to get together again. I don't hear from him, only to finally find out his ex is back and they're spending a lot of time together.

I just dot get it. An ex is an ex for a reason, right? Why give someone a second chance when my first chance was already starting to go so well?

 

[loveguys72]

It's an occupational hazard of dating a guy who's recently out of a relationship. Human nature is to stick with the devil we know. It's not you personally.

 

[Seasoned]

An ex is in the wings until one or both guys move on. Most knowledgeable people say it takes at least a year or more to emotionally move on. Everything that happens in the meantime is rebound stuff. Sorry you got caught in the middle. Expect a text the next time they fight, but seeing him will be at your own risk. I do feel for you.

 

[MysticTortoise]

Eh, like I say, nothing I'm not used to. I just don't see how you go from "he was a mistake" and "I really do want to see you again soon" to "Sorry I've been busy and my ex and I have been spending a lot of time together, I should have told you sooner" in less than a week.

I think he and I will remain friends. I wasn't so hopelessly wrapped up in him that I can't separate feelings from friendship. I'm almost half hoping things get a bit rocky between the two of them, and I can tell him exactly how I feel about the situation.

 

[jaysizzles]

Breaking up is hard to do...(hey, isn't that an old song? )

ok...the guy did not treat you fairly..should probably have been more upfront with you as to why he was cancelling dates with you rather than stringing you along. He, and his ex, are confused about where they stand with each other and confused about their feelings for each other. Even tho they've technically broken up, they're still attached to and emotionally involved with each other.

You were a diversion for him while he tried to sort out his feelings for his ex. I doubt it was his intention to mislead you or string you along...he just got caught up in his own situation...not knowing whether to move on or try to salvage a relationship that he's already invested time/energy into.

While I don't blame you for wanting to tell him off, and you probably should, let him off the hook after you do tell him off (kind of forgive him), since you really do not have any feelings for him beyond your friendship at this point.

 

[sixthson]

Even if things become rocky again with his ex (and they probably will..that's why they were exes), I would suggest you not become emotionally or romantically involved with him. He is too unstable. What does he do when his ex bats his eyes at him still another time?
You don't need that in your life.

 

[MysticTortoise]

Hehe, I told him off. He sent me a text asking for a favor, something I'd be more than willing to do, if there wasn't someone else in the picture. I told him exactly how I felt, saying that it was something I wouldn't allow myself to do for him as long as I'm at best second place as far as he's concerned. Told him I was little upset and bitter and being thrown to the side in favor of someone else.

Next day we had a fairly normal conversation. I think a friendship can come out of this. Should the ex go away again though I have some very strict rules for what can and can't happen, and when those things will be allowed to happen. I'm not going to make myself look like an idiot.

 

[Seasoned]

Stay strong. You are in a position to take care of yourself.