Ex-marine colleague - latent homosexual?

[kobathedread]

Hmmm, think I've got the measure. It's not me he fancies, he just needs to vent his latent homosexuality and as 'the only gay in the office' and sitting right next to him, I'm the convenient target. Pretty relaxed about it now, I'll just enjoy the banter ;-)

 

[KaraBulut]

Hmmm, think I've got the measure. It's not me he fancies, he just needs to vent his latent homosexuality and as 'the only gay in the office' and sitting right next to him, I'm the convenient target. Pretty relaxed about it now, I'll just enjoy the banter ;-)

The reasons that he's doing it are really irrelevant.

It's the behavior and the context that are the problem. It might be okay in the barracks and in the lockerroom for a guy to act and speak this way. In the workplace or with coworkers, it is inappropriate.

Think of it this way- if you were a straight female and he was making these comments, asking these questions and touching you in this way, it would be much clearer how inappropriate it is.

Add a complicating factor- that you're male and gay- and you now have the potential that he can claim that you're the aggressor.

This isn't the kind of stuff that you want to play around with. You need to be clear about boundaries with him. You need to make sure that other coworkers are aware that you've told him that it makes you uncomfortable. And if he doesn't get the message, then you need to consider going to HR.

 

[DigitalFudge]

Actually, he sounds a bit psychopathic and manipulative. What he's doing borders on harassment and is inappropriate for the workplace.

This. Hell yeah.


I have had plenty of guys just like that do the same thing to me. Then again I will never know if they are really straight, nothing was really set in stone.

But even if he was gay, that is not the kind of person you want to be connected to in any kind of way. He sounds like a psycho

 

[Nomenclature]

He sounds like he's curious at the very least. Probably not gay but I don't understand why he'd be so curious about all these details if he wasn't just a little bit bi-curious.

Curious doesn't always mean SEXUALLY curious. . .since gay men are beginning to become more accepted into society, and more people are coming out than ever, straight men are suddenly finding themselves with gay friends, relatives etc. A lot of straight men are curious, in the sense that they have a lot of questions and are trying to understand what it's like to be gay.

Again: This doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to gobble your cock.

 

[Deandbn]

Dont ever shit on your own door-step.. IMHO

 

[Lube]

Personally, I think that truly straight guys couldn't give a rat's ass about what gay men do. They're not repulsed, but they're not really overly curious either. They're more worried about where their next pussy is coming from.

I mean, do you obsess over what your straight friends do in bed? I don't.

 

[StlKj]

Just a different perspective on this. This is exactly the kind of friendship many gay men would like to have with another guy. He is masculine, good-looking, completely cool with gay people, and possibly even curious or open to something. If nothing else, he enjoys just rough-housing with his buds and has their backs if someone might possibly fuck with them.

In a group of straight marines this guy would be one of the most popular and well-loved possibly. The brotherhood they would all possess would be palpable. Men being men together, and possibly even blurring the lines between brothers and buddies with benefits.

But the first time he tries to have that kind of brotherhood with a gay civilian in the workplace, we question whether or not he's psycho, encourage turning him over to HR and call him a dick.

I don't know, it all seems a little warped to me. How sad that the kind of friendship many guys enjoy, we have to question and look at as potentially threatening.

 

[TX-Beau]

Personally, I think that truly straight guys couldn't give a rat's ass about what gay men do. They're not repulsed, but they're not really overly curious either. They're more worried about where their next pussy is coming from.

I mean, do you obsess over what your straight friends do in bed? I don't.

Yes and no. Out of sight, out of mind. The straight guys I know almost all went through this phase where every time they saw me they were obsessed with my gayness. It’s all they could focus on. Why? A bunch of things rolled up; curiosity probably, trying to work it through in their own heads, and not curiosity of the sexual confusion kind; plus a hefty dose of stereotype. They were probably trying to relate, but what was there to talk about in their heads? Not women, not football, not hunting, not cars, because of course, ALL gay men hate those things, so what was left? LOL

That said, I have no doubt that as soon as I was out of the room, they ceased to think about it at all.

If he’s this guy’s superior, or even colleague really, even attempting to make a move is sexual harassment and a huge ethical issue, that could easily get him fired. Office liaisons have a nasty habit of getting out, and the other guy isn’t the only one who can make a legitimate complaint to HR.

Plus the OP DOESN'T know, he's only got his point of view, and as we all know, gay men are notoriously unreliable when it comes to hot straight guys.

 

[Lube]

In a group of straight marines this guy would be one of the most popular and well-loved possibly. The brotherhood they would all possess would be palpable. Men being men together, and possibly even blurring the lines between brothers and buddies with benefits.

Is that your fantasy, or is that advice to this guy?

That said, I have no doubt that as soon as I was out of the room, they ceased to think about it at all.

If he’s this guy’s superior, or even colleague really, even attempting to make a move is sexual harassment and a huge ethical issue, that could easily get him fired. Office liaisons have a nasty habit of getting out, and the other guy isn’t the only one who can make a legitimate complaint to HR.

Plus the OP DOESN'T know, he's only got his point of view, and as we all know, gay men are notoriously unreliable when it comes to hot straight guys.

True dat.

 

[StlKj]

Is that your fantasy, or is that advice to this guy?


True dat.

It certainly isn't advice. And is that my fantasy? Well, no and sort of. It's not my personal fantasy to have such friends, but it is kind of a fantasy that our society might be more open to the kinds of friendships where intimacy of some kind would not be seen as a threat to one's manhood. We in America allow so little room for people to experience any sort of fluidity in their sexuality, and we gay men often live so much in our heads that something that could be harmless and even affectionate is perceived as bad.

Or the guy could be a complete dick and a psycho and the OP needs to report him to HR. Again, I was only tossing out a different way of looking at things just to be doing so.