Extremely worried and panicking

[socal21]

Hi, guys.

I was recently introduced to a guy by a friend of mine to potentially start something. We got along well. He's only 21, so I was a bit hesitant, but open to get to know the guy. Anyway, we went out a couple times got to know each other. He explained he had only been single for a couple months after being in a relationship for 2 years, so he was still not completely over the ex, but open to get to know someone new. Fine. I was cool with that. We went on a couple dates and we ended up having sex. Once with a condom and once without on a different night. I bottomed...which I never do, but Idk why I actually did it, and especially without a condom. I guess you could say I was comfortable with him? Sounds stupid, I know. Before he actually penetrated, we did look at each other like, should we? So I asked...should we? And he replied "I'm only okay if you are. I've only been with my ex and now you" so that closed the deal. It wasn't rough, not long at all and he didn't finish inside me...but now he seemed to have moved on and not really tell me about it. My friend who introduced us told me he's met someone else and hanging out with him. Of course this makes me feel horrible and stupid. I really should have known better. I went to the clinic where I get tested and explained my situation and they told me to wait for this upcoming weekend, which would make it about 3 weeks since my encounter with this guy, but I honestly can't help the thought of something being wrong. I have never put myself in a risky situation like this, because I know how I am. I'm very paranoid when it comes to stds.

 

[Benvolio]

Many people have flu like symptoms about ten days or two weeks after infection. They are called the symptoms of acute HIV infection: fever, swollen lymph nodes, etc. since you did not mention feeling ill, this should give you some comfort that you are probably not infected.

 

[socal21]

Many people have flu like symptoms about ten days or two weeks after infection. They are called the symptoms of acute HIV infection: fever, swollen lymph nodes, etc. since you did not mention feeling ill, this should give you some comfort that you are probably not infected.

No flu symptoms here. Just my regular summer allergies and worry from all the overthinking and doubt, so I'm a bit tired and unfocused.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's important that you ask the clinic which HIV test that they do. There are some new guidelines that came out at the end of June. Under the new guidelines, if you have the new "combo" HIV blood test- also called the 4th generation test - then you will only need to have 1 negative (aka "non-reactive") test.

Before, we would have you do 2 tests- one in the first month and another test at 3 months.

If the clinic does the new combo test, then they gave you the correct information- you should get tested at about 3-4 weeks and if your test is negative, we would consider you to be HIV-. This is the new testing protocol.

You have a few more days of anxiety remaining before you can be tested. Please remember this anxiety the next time you're at the decision point in the future. And when you remember it say, "Let me get a condom."

 

[RaKroma]

We all go through this process of fear and worrying. But you have to take control of your emotions now because worrying will not change the outcome or take you back in time and you know it. Just wait till you get tested because that's the only route to answers. If he didn't cum inside you, then that's something you can look at from a good angle to calm your nerves for now.

What is missing from safe-sex education is understanding our psychology during state of arousal. Most of us are well aware of levels of risks during sex but we still do them. Studies have shown that our brains do not function rationally during state of arousal and attraction. The emotional side of our brain takes over and we're more likely to make decisions that our rational sides would resist. You will have to learn to over come that to make safer decisions during sex. http://www.psychologyofgames.com/2009/12/just-one-more-level-decision-making-under-arousal/

 

[socal21]

It's important that you ask the clinic which HIV test that they do. There are some new guidelines that came out at the end of June. Under the new guidelines, if you have the new "combo" HIV blood test- also called the 4th generation test - then you will only need to have 1 negative (aka "non-reactive") test.

Before, we would have you do 2 tests- one in the first month and another test at 3 months.

If the clinic does the new combo test, then they gave you the correct information- you should get tested at about 3-4 weeks and if your test is negative, we would consider you to be HIV-. This is the new testing protocol.

You have a few more days of anxiety remaining before you can be tested. Please remember this anxiety the next time you're at the decision point in the future. And when you remember it say, "Let me get a condom."

I believe that is the test the clinic mentioned. I live in Los Angeles, not sure if it's the same everywhere?

Thank you for answering back. I appreciate your advice.

 

[socal21]

You're absolutely right. Talking about it has helped a bit, because I'm actually able to get advice and learn from this mistake. I agree that emotions do get In the way when in the state of arousal, but I also believe in being smart at the same time, which I usually am, but like I mentioned in my post, I think I was actually starting to really like this guy, but should have still been cautious.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Perhaps you didn't want a condom because you were in the heat of the moment. I guess this is a learning experience though. At least each day is closer to finding the results.

As I posted, the thread updated. Damn. It sucks how some guys just move pretty quickly without even saying that they weren't interested anymore. Well, there's plenty of fish out there.

 

[KaraBulut]

I believe that is the test the clinic mentioned. I live in Los Angeles, not sure if it's the same everywhere?

The combo test is more expensive and many clinics haven't switched because of the cost. Prior to the new recommendations, some clinics were doing saliva tests and other cheaper tests.

You can ask them when they do the test.

...I agree that emotions do get In the way when in the state of arousal, but I also believe in being smart at the same time, which I usually am, but like I mentioned in my post, I think I was actually starting to really like this guy, but should have still been cautious.

It's an important lesson for you and it's an important lesson for anyone who reads this who may find themselves in the same situation. It's important to have condoms on hand and not make life-changing decisions in the heat of the moment (ie when the clothes are off and everyone has a hardon ). The same is true for those who drink or party beforehand- it's not the best time to make decisions about condoms.

And you hit upon something else important- barebacking shouldn't be something that gets tied to whether we like a person or whether we want them to like us. If someone cares about you, they wouldn't want you to take the risk.