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Falling For A Straight Guy

T

TINTORETO

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Oct 10, 2004
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Hello everyone!

I have been a JUB member for a while now. However not until today I felt the need to write about this.
I don't have that many gay friends so I need to vent my feelings a little. The only person that I have talked about this is my doctor (that I have been seeing due to my depression).

I have seen this guy at the gym for about a year now. At first I did not put much attention to him not until I noticed that he would be looking at me while I worked out. I would be doing different exercises and sometimes I could tell he would move closer. I am not a very talkative guy so I would just listen to my music and do my thing. This went on for a couple months. All of a sudden I couldn't get him off my head and kept thinking about him and would go to workout more than the usual just to see if I would see him. I would see him sometimes, however nothing would happen. No talking, just stares at each other that you could say my "GAYDAR" would go off.

Not until last week is that after waiting for him for a while when I was about to leave the gym I saw him when he was just coming in that I decided to talk to him and to say more than "HELLO". I went back inside the gym and he opened up a little and we kept talking. That is when I noticed that he would look at other guys as well. I started getting jealous something that I hadn't felt for a long time. As you know this is a very uncomfortable feeling and that's when my hell started.
Being jealous I got very depressed. I kept thinking I don't need to be situation so stormed out of the gym and I didn't get to see him until yesterday.

Yesterday when we met he say hi and told me that he didn't know whether he was going out with his friends or with this girl he had been talking to. That pretty much devastated me.
Knowing that he might be straight and thinking there is no way for me to be this guy that I am very attracted to there is just no future. I just feel that is the worst thing that could happen to a guy person is to fall for a straight guy.

From what I have been reading it seems like some guys like to tease/flirt with gay guys and I kept thinking this is just my situation.

I just been feeling very ackward about all this. I am just down and having all kinds of thoughts. My stomach is even hurtin It is very scary the way I feel about this guy. I'm just not this kind of person that get's obsessed with someone like this.

Well thanks everyone for reading. I just hope to get rid of this feeling soon.
 
It may be a good time to think about moving on to other things... change gyms, diversify yourself with other people... maybe more gay men, etc.

Good luck!
 
TINTORETO, I have to agree with Horschallen. What you're feeling doesn't need to continue. I had obsessive feelings once about a guy I never even met! He was a straight guy, and he seemed to have it all (from what I read on his blog). Obsession is ridiculous on many levels, and it is entirely self-destructive.

The obsession ended me up in therapy. The therapist wasn't helpful with much, but he said one thing that worked, and it's all I needed to hear: Stop visiting his website.

Quit your gym today and don't go back. Find another gym. Do it now. You will quickly get used to your new surroundings.

Next time you feel the obsessive feelings coming on, remember that these are all regular guys. There was nothing special about that guy beyond his looks. Maybe he's nice, maybe not. Some people are nice and ugly, some are nice and cute. Some people are assholes and gorgeous, some not. All of them lose their looks over time, and nobody, not even the super-rich, can claim to have an easy life.

That guy has his insecurities and pain. He has his weaknesses. Leave him alone at that gym with his good traits and his faults. You don't need to concern yourself with it.

The next time you see a guy you want to get to know at a gym, try saying "Hi" before you let it go on too long. You can always introduce yourself by asking how much longer he may be using a particular machine. I sometimes see a cute guy doing an exercise I've never seen, and I'll ask him what muscles it focuses on. You can try many ways of bringing up conversation, to make these guys real to you.

Obsession over other people is a complete waste of time. There is no such thing as a "superior being." Don't live with lies.
 
Honestly, it sounds to me like he looks at guys in the gym to see who has the best body, and what their workout routine is.

Aside from that, I echo what was said above me.
 
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That is when I noticed that he would look at other guys as well.

Sigh. I've been there. I feel your pain, dude.
 
one of the worst feeling....been there and got over it surprisingly.....but it doesnt eman I stop looking at hot straight men LOL.

say positive and move on!
 
Why would you guys tell him to run away? Face the situation. You're never going to learn if you just leave. If you want to talk to him then do.
It's when you set high expectations for yourself is when you get into trouble.
You think that everything is going to come out a certain way, nothing ever does. If it doesn't, then so what, move on. If it does then that's something you could never have known if you just ran away.
 
I understand this situation alot, I always fall for my straight freinds and its so much worse when they are actually my best freinds, and then i tell them and they typically distance themselves from me. Its aweful, but i can't avoid hot straight guys for my whole life. And this actually lead to me having some major impulse issues (that I've now been in therapy for 3 yrs for) because I can't have the men I want I give myself everything else i want. Its hard
 
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