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Falling for my frat bro?

hunky69

hunky69

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So, as school started a few weeks ago (wow has it really been 5 weeks already?! wtf?) I started building a friendship with guys in my house as I'm now living in. Not everyone knows I'm bi, but most I'm sure have a hunch as it's not like it's a big surprise. Anyway one saw me and a guy making out last year and talked about it and so he's basically the only guy who's actually had a conversation about it with me. Anyway when we got back we started talking more and hanging out more. The problem is that the more and more I hang out with him (which at this point is pretty much everyday) the more I fall for him, but unfortunately for me there are 2 problems: 1) we're "brothers" which means realistically it'd probably be a bad idea to start anything with him... but fuck that, which leads me to 2) I'm "not his type." Basically while I can't really help being somewhat flambouyant, he's much more under the radar (or gaydar) and in turn likes very straight acting in the closet hookup only kind of guys and "hasn't been able to want a relationship with a guy." Now I still feel like he's where I was 2 years ago where I thought I was only attracted to men sexually but wanted women for a relationship, but of course he claims that he never will... we'll see. Either way I don't know how many more drunken nights I can have with him lying on my bed and me not being able to jump him like I want to. I really do like having him as a friend and don't want to jeapordize that, especially considering the fraternity environment we're in, but at the same time I doubt that a little friends with benefits action wouldn't hurt that much... it'd only bring us closer right?! UGH! If only there were a way. Oh well thanks for listening to me vent. I'll let you know if I get my wish.
 
Hmm lots of red flags in this one.

First- yes it does seem he might be at the point where he believes "I wont have a relationship with a man" but only as a phase that he will get over and join you as you said you did. Or.. worse... he is very dedicated by fear or will to remain in the closet, which I've found are damaging usually to those involved with them.

So Second- if he really is the kind of guy who doesn't plan on getting over this "stage" anytime soon then I see it EXTREMELY harmful long run if you did "hook up" in a fling. You said your already pretty attached and you wouldn't want to become the friend who gets tired of just benifits and longs for the whole slice of pie, especially if they dont want to give it to you.

Best path I see taking is to just keep your hormones in somewhat control and try to resist a fling or maybe even a relationship if that becomes to much for him which I see happening possibly. I mean you just continue to be his buddy who he can share these feelings with and eventually he'll begin either feeling them for you or you'll begin to see him as only a friend. As for the whole "not his type" it seems this has more to do with the fact that he still wants to deny his feelings, I used to want only hardcore straight guys when I was trying to fool myself into thinking I was straight as well. Once your content with your own sexuality do you begin to see guys as people with personalities of all kinds not just a "type."

hope that gets the cobwebs stirred:D
 
Don't let yourself fall for a frat bro. Be good friends. SZex will only get in the way, given all the things you've noted in your post.

Study hard and enjoy your term.
 
If he is not ready, I think that all you'll end up getting is a little sex and no friend at the end. In my experience, when someone is not ready, all that happens is that the get pushed further into the closet, so to speak.
 
Be yourself, be friends, let him make the first move if he wants to.
 
>>>I doubt that a little friends with benefits action wouldn't hurt that much... it'd only bring us closer right?!

Come on. You honestly believe adding benefits to friendships always strengthens the bonds? Never causes any friction whatsoever?

What could happen? You could get booted from the frat. Will that definitely happen if you hook up? No, but it's a possibility. It's something that might be lost. Given that, still worth it?

At the very least, I'd make him make the first move. Even then, I'm not convinced it's a great idea.

Lex
 
He's made himself clear about how he feels about other guys; however, you're holding onto "what if's." "What ifs" are fine, except too many things can go wrong under your circumstances to push anything.

Do you find yourself planning your days to hang out with him? Is he your social outlet? If so, try to extend your circle of friends. Look for a guy who is interested and wants you. Don't put all your hope into someone who can't return the feelings. Find other people to hang out with and a special someone to keep you occupied. ;) You can always be friends with your frat bro and just roll with the good times.
 
Aside from the above stated, try and pull away from him if you can. For your own good.

I would hate to see you miss opportunities that may come along because you're pining for someone who is unable to return your affection.

Meet some new people and move alone. It's for the best.
 
^ Well he can still be friends with the guy. He just has stop planning his days around his friend and focus on meeting new people.
 
focus on meeting new people, if he isn't ready than you'll be waiting for him while mr. right walks by you
 
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