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Falling for someone who is in love with someone else

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siradcm

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Title says it all. I've known a guy for about a year and a half who I've become good friends with. Over time, my feelings have gotten stronger for him as we become closer. Problem is, he's in love with someone else. It's getting more difficult to spend time with him because I can't shake the attraction. We actually had a pretty deep conversation this weekend (alcohol involved) about where we stand and how I don't want things to change between us, but I'm still left feeling hurt by the fact that I can never have him in the way that I want. I ended up telling him I had feelings for him when we first met but made it sound like I didn't anymore. He's my best friend. I don't want to ruin the closest friendship I have by confessing my love for him.

I've shed many tears over the last year because of this dude. I don't know how much more of this emotional roller coaster I can take.

Anyone been in a similar situation?
 
Probably everyone has. The only way to deal with it is to try and move on, by focusing your feelings and thoughts on someone else. I've been deeply in love with both my best friends. I got over the first one when I met the second one, and got over the second one when I came to the US and came out. They are both aware of how things have been, and what we have now is completely indestructible. However, it's a little easier for me because they are both straight.
 
Even back when I was way deep in the closet, and I mean really back in there where you hide the porn, and all that crap your Aunt Eunice knits you for Christmas - I never understood this mindset.

Look, you need to hear this. You are in control of YOU. Yes it sucks and yes it's a bitch, and yes we've all been there.

What do you do about it?

Do you..... sit there in your tragic angst being deeply wounded on a deeply fundamental level? Are you enjoying this? The pain, the jealousy, the tragedy of it all?

EVERYONE has been there, the difference is that most people back off until they have themselves under control and don't subject themselves to the emotional equivalent of slitting their wrists over and over and over and over.

Yes he's your friend, and that sucks too, but you are not being his friend if you moon at him, and angst over him, and eventually come out with an awkward and fumbling confession that will only garner you a lot of embarrassing pity all 'round - and really once you've been that guy, you'll always be that guy.

Do you... grab some sack and control your damn self and tell him you need space for yourself right now and go find other guys to obsess over?

If he's your friend, I'm sure he'll understand that you need to get laid/find BF or other reason you are out on the prowl without him.
 
siradcm said:
Title says it all. I've known a guy for about a year and a half who I've become good friends with. Over time, my feelings have gotten stronger for him as we become closer. Problem is, he's in love with someone else. It's getting more difficult to spend time with him because I can't shake the attraction. We actually had a pretty deep conversation this weekend (alcohol involved) about where we stand and how I don't want things to change between us, but I'm still left feeling hurt by the fact that I can never have him in the way that I want. I ended up telling him I had feelings for him when we first met but made it sound like I didn't anymore. He's my best friend. I don't want to ruin the closest friendship I have by confessing my love for him.

I've shed many tears over the last year because of this dude. I don't know how much more of this emotional roller coaster I can take.

Anyone been in a similar situation?
Click to expand...

I assume this guy is straight?
 
Is he in a relationship?

If he is, have the integrity not to let your own desire for emotional validation and your Prince Charming complex fuck things up for him and his partner and get over it.

If he's not, deal with life and get over it.

In the end, just fucking get over it :)
 
Cher said it best in "Moonstruck." "Snap out of it!"
 
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