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falling in love after having sex

aussiesurferboy

aussiesurferboy

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hey guys.
I'm a 21 yr old guy who has recently started being sexually active.

there was this guy who i wasnt super attrackted to, but then i had sex with him and i woke up the next morning totally in love with him. and acting all gushy and thinking about him all the time and wondering if i should text him.

Then i slept with another guy recently, who I would have not considered for a relationship at all. but after we made love all night (and all morning) I started stalking him on facebook and wanting to see him again!

I told my (girl)friend about this and she said its a very female thing to do. she sometimes takes home guys for one night stands without any intention of a relationship, but the next morning she pretty much wants to marry them.

DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE???

IS THIS A HORMONAL THING? IS IT UNUSUAL? MAYBE I AM OVERLY EMOTIONAL?
 
it happens to me if the sex is really good. maybe you were just lucky and had two excellent lays. in my experience, its rather rare and the opposite happens more often: you think a guy is quite charming and a potential boyfriend, but after the sex turns out to be bad/mediocre/good-but-not-great, hes suddenly not that interesting anymore.

it could also be the thrill of the new, and wear off as you get more experienced.

but if it keeps happening all the time, maybe you should try to conrol your emotions a little.

in any case, dont make any important decisions while still high on the afterglow. let it cool down, take some distance, before you start making decisions about anything.
 
I realize my opinion will not be commonly shared, but that's ok. Sex is meant to be something we do with someone we love. When it is casual, emotions can get confused or a sense of dissatisfaction follows, as with one night stands.
The heart wants to be involved with the intimacy that the body is expressing.
 
I won't say that I've woken up in love... I've had my fair share of randoms, and we typically part ways without any sort of left over feelings (with a couple notable exceptions from which nothing ever developed in the long run).

But, you never know... I met someone online for a hookup two weeks ago, and right now it feels as though we are jumping into something very real. I have often found it hard to separate my emotions and feelings from the "task at hand" when with a hookup. If you can, it's best to go in with no expectations, but with an open mind should anything come of it. Just be prepared for the attraction and feelings to be one-sided the next morning.

Good luck.
 
It could be because the few moments you were together were amazing. Whether it be sex, or a few conversations where you try to impress each other... you guys parted ways on a high note, so you're left wanting more.

It is way too soon to legitimately in love, and I'm betting if you hung out in a nonsexual manner a few times you might realize this.
 
sixthson said:
I realize my opinion will not be commonly shared, but that's ok. Sex is meant to be something we do with someone we love. When it is casual, emotions can get confused or a sense of dissatisfaction follows, as with one night stands.
The heart wants to be involved with the intimacy that the body is expressing.
Click to expand...

I completely agree.


I've tried having casual sex with strangers, and it's just so creepy and awkward to me; There's so much you don't know about each other, what that person likes, what that person DOESN'T like etc. I can't have sex with someone I can't even trust.

My motto is: If it would be awkward to cuddle with him after the sex is over, you probably shouldn't be fucking him.


And yes, i'm the only 20-year old gay man in the world who feels this way.
 
Its great that you have had such good experiences with your early sexual encounters, its better than looking back and wishing you'd never meet these guys.

The only negative about your situation really is that you might fall for a guy thats only interested in keeping things casual and get hurt yourself. Apart from that I don't really see a down side. :)
 
When I first started having sex I was the same way, and if I go through a long dry spell I do usually get really attatched to the guy that get's it done. I think it's just going so long without any and then this guy who you kinda like makes you feel amazing so sex gets confused with love. It's natural...and nothing really wrong with it, I would play it cool though....don't want to freak anyone out.
 
And I used to be the "One- Night- Stand King" some years ago. Now, I see overnight jumpoffs confuse things down the road ahead.

Right now, this "one night stand" I can't get rid of (and I'm not sure if I want to!) is falling hard for me. I want to cut it off completely-yet, a part of me feels bad for kicking someone to the curb who truly adores me. Our gay community (especially the black gay community) is few and far in between of genuine heart; I feel too bad in taking one for granted. But I am not interested in him beyond an acquaintance??????

Maybe your "love" is the desire to be physical again. The other poster is right; try some non-sexual/non-intimate activity to do and determine if the real attachment is there. Don't be like me and let your HORNINESS DICTATE YOUR EMOTIONS!
 
I used to do that. Now I fall in love months after and seconds before sleeping with the guy.
 
Sex is a bonding activity. All the hormones released before, during, and after orgasm serve to form and strengthen feelings of bonding and attachment.

Ordinarily, that's normal and healthy. It serves to help maintain your relationship. The tragedy comes when people become bonded to others who are bad for them. Save it for someone you already love, not just erotically but in every other way too, before having sex. Too much heartache the other way.
 
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