Falling in love with a guy who’s in a long distance relationship.

[supersync4d]

So I met this guy on an app for what turned out to be one of the most amazing sex I've ever had. Then we continued and have continued seeing each other every week for about 8 weeks now. He's my dream guy; handsome, smart, kind, funny, financially and personally stable, etc.

The only problem is that he's currently in an open (long-distance) relationship. A little backstory about that; He's about 30 now and had only discovered that he's into guys 4 months ago when he was on vacation in Florida and met this guy who was also on vacation there. They hit it off apparently, spent the rest of their 4 weeks of vacation together, and decided to maintain the relationship after he returned to the US, and the other guy to India.

Fast forward to now, I knew exactly what I had gotten myself into when I started meeting him. He was always very open about this.

The thing is, whenever we meet, we do more than just sex. We road trip together, we watch movies, we go on proper dinner dates, we hold hands, we make out in public, we stay over each other's place etc .. I've gotten into past relationships for less than what I've done with him so far.

But my hands are tied, because I know that he's not available. I can't even bring myself to have a conversation with him about this because I know what he'd say. It's pretty obvious that he's into this other guy from the way he talks about him (to my dismay everytime he does).

I guess the reason I've stuck around is because, well, in my mind there's this hope that his relationship won't last? I mean, how likely does a holiday romance usually last anyway? He told me that this guy might very soon move to the US for him, but again... that's never as simple as it is, isn't it? Just leaving your whole life for a guy you only just barely spent time together?

So all these thoughts have been giving me a false and dangerous sense of expectation of maybe having a chance with him one day, even though it currently hurts. I know this might sound so silly, but I'm just really really into him, and fear that I might never meet anyone like him ever again. Thoughts?.

 

[KaraBulut]

Sometimes when people ask for advice, it's apparent that they know what they should do but they can't bring themselves to it.

Bottom line? If this were a case of FWB and both parties knew it was never going to be more than just a friendship, it might be okay. The problem here is that you're sticking around hoping that it's going to change. It's not going to change.

There's other red flags: He's 30 and he's just now figuring out that he likes guys? He met someone from another country, spent 4 weeks with them and that's his excuse not to be in a relationship with someone who lives here? He's in an "open relationship" that allows him to not only have sex sex with other people but also take road trips together, watch movies, have dinner dates, hold hands, make out in public and stay over each other's place? This sounds more like the classic "other woman" scenario where the guy uses the wife as an excuse to have a no-strings-attached mistress on the side.

From what you've said, what you want is someone in your life who you can spend time with - in and out of bed - and feel like there's a future. The problem is that that guy is out there somewhere. You're never going to find that guy unless you get out there and look for him.

 

[cabinfever]

S

Fast forward to now, I knew exactly what I had gotten myself into when I started meeting him. He was always very open about this.

But my hands are tied, because I know that he's not available. I can't even bring myself to have a conversation with him about this because I know what he'd say. It's pretty obvious that he's into this other guy from the way he talks about him (to my dismay everytime he does).

^^^^You already have your answer

 

[TX-Beau]

So, this guy doesn't know he's attracted to men until he's 30 and "finds out" on vacation in Florida, which is part of the US BTW, and that was four months ago - is in a developed relationship immediately. Then meets you on an app and starts dating two guys two months later. That's moving extremely fast for a guy with no idea he was into guys 4 months ago.

No angst, no freak-out, no what the fuck? No issues with closets or any of the other shit that comes along with "suddenly" discovering one likes the pole? This guy is supposedly "personally stable" in the face of that?

Red Flag.

 

[USEDCAR]

you're building a dream life with this guy in your head. I wouldn't waste my time with this guy because at the end of the day your going to get hurt. Its only a matter of time before he cuts you off What if he meets another guy and tosses you? How many other guys is he hooking up with? What happens if the Indian guy comes to the us?

You answered your own question he's attracted to the other guy and he's not going to give you the relationship you want. You deserve a better guy