I don't know if I'm a narcissist or not. I think about others, and wish well for people, in general, but my thoughts don't usually translate to actions. However, I've learned many times that my attempts at kindness are taken as unwanted advances and can't stand having someone I try to help try to get away from me. So, I usually keep more distance.
I'm pretty certain I'm not a narcissist actually, but I often waver on that certainty, such as a minute ago when I wrote the above. I think I'm just hurting with my own need right now enough that I can't focus on other people. I just left one of my best friend's as a roommate because he was crowding me out of my own home with his family, I'm afraid my job is going to let me go, and I've not had anyone to call my own for a decade. Even if my anti-social ways are my unconscious defense, they're keeping me from the socialization I want and need. But deciding to push against them starts putting me into a funk that I've seen lead me to depression.
In the end, I want to be admired and loved without working at it, and I'm ashamed of that. Though I like to think so, I know it's not like I'm really dominant or want to be fetishistically worshipped - I'm just lazy.
I'm pretty certain I'm not a narcissist actually, but I often waver on that certainty, such as a minute ago when I wrote the above. I think I'm just hurting with my own need right now enough that I can't focus on other people. I just left one of my best friend's as a roommate because he was crowding me out of my own home with his family, I'm afraid my job is going to let me go, and I've not had anyone to call my own for a decade. Even if my anti-social ways are my unconscious defense, they're keeping me from the socialization I want and need. But deciding to push against them starts putting me into a funk that I've seen lead me to depression.
In the end, I want to be admired and loved without working at it, and I'm ashamed of that. Though I like to think so, I know it's not like I'm really dominant or want to be fetishistically worshipped - I'm just lazy.