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Family Finding Out?

son1fan

son1fan

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So i'v been telling people but I really don't want my family to ever find out. It's just difficult. I don't mind other people looking at my different but them, mwould be devestating. They vare so proud that i'm going to college and working full time and I feel that they would be really dissapointed. I just want to wait till im out on my own for them to possibly discover.
 
I know but it's making me hate the way I am like why can't I be normal? I really want to leave the house now. I always mention moving out but they tell me that's stupid and want to know why. I really don't want to live here if they find out.
 
I'm not the best person to talk because I am not out to my family either. BUT I can honestly say that I don't hate myself and feel comfortable in my own skin. If your family finding out would help you not hate yourself and feel more normal I feel it might be something to consider.
 
I don't want them to though. The thing is, is that me and my family arn't real close. My mom was always working when her and my dad divorced so we didn't have that mom and son bond. My dad...well I haven't seen him regurarly since I was about 9 and im distant with my brother and sister. It would just seem tense.
 
I know but it's making me hate the way I am like why can't I be normal?
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Sounds like you have a way to go in accepting yourself and being comfortable in your own skin first. Try to work through it dude, heterosexuality isnt 'normal' its common, theres a difference, i suggest you really start some thinking about yourself, what concepts of 'normal', 'moral' 'natural' really mean, and be comfortable in who you are, then telling others, particularly your family, whilst still difficult, will be so much easier.

You know I think a reasonably common feeling amongst gay and bisexual people trying to come to terms with who they are is, why do i feel this way, this isnt natural, to which I always reply, if you're human, and that is the way you feel, then how can it be unnatural?
 
I know that's a tough spot to be in, but my advice is to STOP making this about them. Coming out isn't about anyone but yourself.
 
I dunno, because im doing so good according to them. I feel like this would be a bombshell. I don't want them to look at my differently. You know. I don't want them to think of me differently.
 
I totally understand what you mean son1, I came out to my parents a couple of weeks ago, they took it well, but still I understand the type of anxiety you go through imagining all the scenarios that could happen once you tell them.

For all you know your parents could be perfectly accepting, but there is every chance it will take them some time to get used to the idea, just as it took you time to get used to the idea. I recommend reading this faq

http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out/parentfamily-stages-of-grief.php

Hopefully in time your parents will come around if at first they dont take it so well, you just have to be there, be prepared to have a civil talk about your sexuality with your parents if they want to ask any questions, help them understand how you feel, and reiterate the fact that you have always felt this way, but havent told them up until now because you havent been ready for them to know.

Its a big step son1, but once you've taken it, its like a whole new door opens up for you, sure there may be bumps along the way, but you have to be prepared for that, stick it out, and really hold on to the fact within yourself that you are who you are, and no matter what anyone says, that is nothing to be ashamed of.

Keep us updated mate, and talk to us if you want any more help.
 
son1fan said:
I dunno, because im doing so good according to them. I feel like this would be a bombshell. I don't want them to look at my differently. You know. I don't want them to think of me differently.
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Why? You said they hardly know you because they were never around when you were growing up.

I, too, was the "model child" in the family. But I eventually came out later in life, and wish I had done it 25 years ago.

Be confident in yourself, and then come out to them as the confident gay man you are.
 
I told my parents about a year ago, at first it didn't go down to well but at the same time they were very supportive. I generally don't discuss my lifestyle with them but the reason I told them was because I grew tired of lying.

Unfortunately you never know how your parents will react and when the time is right to tell them I hope you or anyone else in this situation are fortunate enough to have supportive and understanding parents.
 
I actually don't think my dad would mind seeing as my uncle is gay and the only reason they make fun of him is because of the way he acts(I guess he acts stupid.)
 
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