Family

[LouieAnderson]

First of all, i wasn't sure whether to post this on this forum or "coming out in relationships". Sorry if it is misplaced.

I officially figured out I was bi about 5 years ago. Before then i was pretty confused, but I started getting really intersted in men around the seventh grade.

I have always done my best to keep my family and work life (sepereate from the 3 really close friends that i work with) from know about my sexuality. I have a brother that is a few years older then me. We both still live with my parents and we both occassionally bitch that we want to move out. Now he is serriously considering it and needs a roomate for finnancial support and keeps asking me to live with him. The problem is that when i move out, i want to be away from family so that I can finnally be myself freely. I want to be able to bring I guy home if the oppertunity presents itself.

Now, keep in mind that when i was probably in the 8th or 9th grade, he caught me with gay porn. He found it on the computer (and i was the only possible culprit for that). I told him that I was just comparing dick sizes (which was kinda true because I did {and still slightly do} have an inadaccuacy issue about my genitaila, and they were solo pictures and not like gay sex. However they were turning me on and I still didn't understand why at the time. My brother is a liberal and having a personality closeist to my own, that of anyone in my family (every one else being hardcore right-wings), he would be the only one to except me for who I am. However, like the all of my family, he is a devoted christian and follows the bible to a rediculous (if not wrongful)T.

This has been a long rant and I appoligize (i have drank a lot tonight), but my questions are . . . .

1) Do you think it could possibly work for me to live with him and live the way I want?

2) If not, what's a nice way to tell him no?

 

[LouieAnderson]

You must try it, to find out if it works....if not you/he can look for a new roomate...

Good luck!!


Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.

~Ray Bradbury

Yeah, but losing a friend or someone your not that close to is way diffrent from possibly alienating yourself from your family. I don't know if that's a risk i'm willing to take.

 

[LouieAnderson]

So it seems we need an answer for your second question.....

I`m sure you will get some in this thread...

I'm not saying that your advice is bad, but for question #1, i'm hopin for some input from someone with input from a similar exprericence.

 

[Romantico]

I can in some ways relate. My family is very conservative and very religious. I however never really ever came out. My family and friends and family have seen me with guys and girls and one day just asked. I told them I like both sexes. My Mom is alot more religious than my dad. My dad accepted it but never discusses it. He has always been friendly to the guys I'd bring over as well as the girls. He just never talks about it,which is fine.My dad loves me and I know he's okay with it, he just doesn't know how to talk about it. My Mom was very judgemental so I laid it all out. When a child tells a parent they are gay or bisexual 99% of the time the parent's reaction is out of selfishness. They are NOT thinking of their child or their happiness. They are thinking of themselves only. Being a parent means you put your child's best interest first. Parents are usually embarrassed or disappointed that their child is not following WHAT THEY FEEL is the way of life they had picked out for them. They worry what others will think of them or see it as them failing you somehow. Its kind of like a control thing. I told my family that I am happy this way and if they rather me be unhappy than I question their love for me.

Religion is another factor. I encourage EVERY gay or bisexual to research and learn about homosexuality and the bible so they counter arguments from simple minded ignorant religious experts. I am becoming very good at this. These people use the bible to make a weak case and its becoming old. For example, in the bible they use the word 'abomination' so often I discovered almost everything was an abomination. Nest time someone uses the bible to tell you that being gay is wrong as them if they have ever jerked off. Thats an abomination. Ask if they have had pre-maritial sex. Thats a sin as well. God does not have a sin scale. A sin is a sin. According to the bible someone who murders someone and someone who tells a lie are both viewed as the same. How is being gay different than a person who lies? From eating shell fish to working on the sabbath, everything is considered an abomination. Why are these ignored and homosexuality is not? According to the bible your suppose to kill your neighbor if they work on the sabbath. The bible says its totally fine to own slaves and don't even get me started on what it says about women who menstruate. I also find it interesting how the bible words the abomination of homosexuality. They don't come out and say it like that. Instead they word it "man should not lye down with a man as he would a woman." I find other things worded in similar ways throughout the bible so in my opinion its all how you look it. Why isn't the bible more direct? If this is true why has God made so many gay people? Is God making mistakes when he creates a gay person? I bet these bible thumpers will have no answer for you when you ask these questions. 9 times out of 10 they don't know why they feel this way, they just do. They've been taught and conditioned on how to feel.I highly recommend a movie called "For The Bible Tells Me So." It just came out and you can get it at Blockbuster or Netflix. It deals with what the bible really says about homosexuality and how the church has basically damaged and downright lied about what it actually says. I think gay's should watch this with their family,especially those who use the bible to put down homosexuality.Watch the trailer here.

http://www.amazon.com/Bible-Tells-Me-So/dp/B000YHQNCI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1203948427&sr=1-1

As for moving in, your sexuality should have nothing to do with it. I assume he may bring women home as well. If he is okay with you being gay he should have no problem with you bringing guys home. I would suggest you both watch the dvd I mentioned together. Tell him he can be christian and still be gay. I consider myself a spirtual man. I live my life by the teachings of Jesus Christ. Jesus not once ever mentioned homosexuality. I try to aspire to live my life as he would want. Jesus reached out to lepers and showed love and compassion. People like Micke Huckabee who claim to be a christian wants to isolate people with AIDS (the lepers of their day) Alot of christians reject gays and judge them. Jesus reached out to the outcast,something right wing christians will never do so I think you should counter the religious excuses your family I'm sure will snap back with, with actual facts. Do your homework so you can help answer questions and debunk these myths.

I guess what I would do is be firm and don't apologize for who you are. By not making a big deal about it will show them you don't see it as being a big deal. Who you love and are intimate with is between you and the person your intimate with and NO ONE ELSE. Its no one's business. Its YOUR life. In my opinion, being tolerant and not judging anyone over their sexual orientation is the most christian thing a person can do. I see someone like the Pope as being a man who preaches hate. Where someone like Gene Robinson as a man who preaches love and compassion and the word of Jesus Christ and God.

Sorry to be so long winded but I think alot of gays need to debunk these myths about religion and homosexuality. I see too many feeling guilt and shame and this has been taught by our families. We want them to be proud of us and discovering we are not what they feel is normal puts alot of pressure on people and its unchristian in my opinion. People need to be educated and to educate a loved one on something like this is a gift of love. Good luck to you and feel free to PM if you need to talk.

 

[LouieAnderson]

"I assume he may bring women home as well."

I doubt it. He doesn't believe in premarital sex. So bringing anyone home with me would be uncommfortable i think.

 

[LouieAnderson]

he asked me again today. I keep making excuses, but he's not buying them (other wise he would stop asking). What to do . . . ?

 

[ejbonk]

First of all, i wasn't sure whether to post this on this forum or "coming out in relationships". Sorry if it is misplaced.

I officially figured out I was bi about 5 years ago. Before then i was pretty confused, but I started getting really intersted in men around the seventh grade.

I have always done my best to keep my family and work life (sepereate from the 3 really close friends that i work with) from know about my sexuality. I have a brother that is a few years older then me. We both still live with my parents and we both occassionally bitch that we want to move out. Now he is serriously considering it and needs a roomate for finnancial support and keeps asking me to live with him. The problem is that when i move out, i want to be away from family so that I can finnally be myself freely. I want to be able to bring I guy home if the oppertunity presents itself.

Now, keep in mind that when i was probably in the 8th or 9th grade, he caught me with gay porn. He found it on the computer (and i was the only possible culprit for that). I told him that I was just comparing dick sizes (which was kinda true because I did {and still slightly do} have an inadaccuacy issue about my genitaila, and they were solo pictures and not like gay sex. However they were turning me on and I still didn't understand why at the time. My brother is a liberal and having a personality closeist to my own, that of anyone in my family (every one else being hardcore right-wings), he would be the only one to except me for who I am. However, like the all of my family, he is a devoted christian and follows the bible to a rediculous (if not wrongful)T.

This has been a long rant and I appoligize (i have drank a lot tonight), but my questions are . . . .

1) Do you think it could possibly work for me to live with him and live the way I want?

2) If not, what's a nice way to tell him no?

Your answer to the first question is poss. not,no.

To your second question. Look him straight in the eye and tell him.
" No,I don't think so dude."
If,he asks ,why just tell him .
"Financially I do not think I can swing it. Besides,who wants their baby brother as a roommate,go ask one of your buddies.
You don't need me around to cramp your style."

Good Luck!

 

[LouieAnderson]

Your answer to the first question is poss. not,no.

To your second question. Look him straight in the eye and tell him.
" No,I don't think so dude."
If,he asks ,why just tell him .
"Financially I do not think I can swing it. Besides,who wants their baby brother as a roommate,go ask one of your buddies.
You don't need me around to cramp your style."

Good Luck!

LOL, that wont quite work in this situation. I am WAAAYY more finnancially sound then he is, and he has no friends. They kinda all went their sepperate ways with college.

 

[ejbonk]

Louis did you ever get out of this situation???