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Father Just Called me a Fag

erobert

erobert

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And he knows I'm gay; I came out to my parents just in October.

I didn't say anything except "Excuse me?" as I didn't want to start a fight as he was worked up about my unemployed situation (even though the economy is bad) and I'm staying with them for the holidays. But it came out of nowhere and was like a slap in the face because he's never said anything like that before.

Moving back to the suburbs with my ignorant dad should be motivation enough to get a job.
 
Wow, that's really awful.

But it sounds like he was a jerk (not a crime) and was trying to get back at you for being unemployed. Not a great thing to do, mind you, but not worthy of hatred.

Give him a chance. He's only human. Let him calm down for a day, then try to have a talk with him. If he's a good man, he'll apologize right away.

Sorry you had to hear that. (*8*)
 
Talk with him. Both listen. He is your Dad and I bet he cares for you despite his homophobia.
 
My father would do the same thing. The type of person who seems to believe nothing is off limit in an 'argument'. I hope it was a momentary lapse and something your father regrets though. All the best.
 
That must have been awful. I never had a dad growing up and always wish I did. But hearing something like this I'm not sure I missed anything meaningful.
 
Erobert, dude, pay no attention to his ignorant ass; just keep looking for a way to get out of there. You know you're doing something right when you start attracting haters. ;)
 
Focus on trying to get a job and get out of there.
Sorry, using a slur like that against your own child is unacceptable.
 
What was the sentence he used it in? Why did he say the word in the first place? What did he say after "Excuse me?" More detail is needed here.
 
He should apologize. If he does, then accept his apology and move on from there. If he doesn't, then I think you can be pretty sure he's carting around a lot of unresolved anger.

However.

Even in anger, it wasn't appropriate for a grown man to start name calling.

He's probably linking you being a homo with your unemployment somehow.

If I were you I'd get my ass moving in looking for a job.
 
Thanks all.

Just_Believe18 said:
What was the sentence he used it in? Why did he say the word in the first place? What did he say after "Excuse me?" More detail is needed here.
Click to expand...

Sorry, forgot to include that part out since I was pissed at the time. I came down to the kitchen when he was eating desert, I opened the fridge, mentioned how I liked a Chocolate cake from a great bakery and suddenly he said:

"What are you becoming one of those fags? Get a job! Times are hard!"

Totally out of the blue, random and uncalled for. He could have said it out of fear because he's worried I might be a target if I display gay traits (such as liking well made pastries... :confused:) It could have been a knee jerk reaction to how I said it. I'm not sure where that came from. He's getting older and is from a different generation but still...

Maybe it just came out because he's afraid for me and my job situation, among other things. No family is perfect and I have decent relationship with my parents but having the F-bomb dropped on me by my was father was awful.

"Focus on trying to get a job and get out of there.
Sorry, using a slur like that against your own child is unacceptable."

I am. A couple of months of living in in NYC has proven to be a lot better than living at home and has helped with my personal growth. I'm at the age where moving back in with my parents would cause some head butting and resentment- especially since my father's been getting pretty negative and difficult about everything lately.
 
Sounds like you pissed him off because he thought you sounded ungrateful about the dessert and it wasn't fancy enough for you. He probably thought being without a job and living with them, you should happily eat whatever they had to provide you. But even if this is the case, his choice of words to express his feelings was totally inappropriate.
 
Spiff said:
Sounds like you pissed him off because he thought you sounded ungrateful about the dessert and it wasn't fancy enough for you. He probably thought being without a job and living with them, you should happily eat whatever they had to provide you. But even if this is the case, his choice of words to express his feelings was totally inappropriate.
Click to expand...

I'm not living with them, I moved to New York a couple months ago (without a job) and am only staying with them for the holidays.

And I remarked on how much I loved the desert- not that it wasn't good enough for me. His reaction was inappropriate nonetheless and I have a feeling it's preview of things to come.
 
That was very rude of him to say, sorry he had to go there. My mother has called me that before, some time after I came out. It is hurtful when your own parent calls you something so insulting....but hopefully your father regrets his comment and apologizes to you :(
 
yup.

as I suspected.

Your old man is carrying around a whole lot of unresolved anger about having a homo son.

Instead of being angry back at him, tell him you understand that he may still be having a hard time coming to terms with you being a homo, but you'll just be the fag that you are...liking what you like and disliking what you don't like.

The best revenge is to become happy and successful in your work and to let your parents know that no matter where you like to put your cock, they raised a man who is capable of achieving his goals and dreams. And one who is glad to share his happiness and success with his family.

All the best in the new year and hopefully you and your father are able to come to an understanding.
 
sorry to hear

and our father's are very important to us - their acceptance and love is a wonderful thing

but the most important thing is that you love yourself - and are happy with who you are - and part of that is your being gay

sorry about being out of work - i think that can muddy waters and feelings - easy to feel less of a man, less useful, less worthy perhaps of the love/respect of your dad

he has no right to talk to you that way - and you don't deserve it

perhaps he has unresolved issues - and maybe you and he will address them - and maybe not right away

deep breath

hopefully time will help - you will work again - and the opportunity for you and your dad to speak will be there

there's nothing wrong with you - he will have to learn to deal with it - and hopefully he will
 
I'd say that it has been building up in him for a long time and for some reason that day it just came out. It's quite cruel and heartless. I'd say as little as possible to keep the peace while you are there and then wait for him to communicate with me when you get back home.
 
Like others have said, focus on yourself and moving on. If he wants to reestablish contact, he can do it himself.
 
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