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Feeling down about relationship - but not in a "bad" way necessarily...

navinator

navinator

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Oh no! Another navinator relationship topic! Run! ;)

I made a topic a while back now about how to let a guy down nicely because I was interested in someone else (and knew they were interested with me). Well since then me and the guy I like ended up together and really have feelings for each other... but this is where the problem is. I live in "rural" Western Australia (ie: the middle of absolute nowhere), 300km from my boyfriend. I have my driver's licence and everything so we're able to see each other regularly, but it just hurts so much having to leave. We spent all of yesterday together, then I spent the entire 3 and a half hour trip home crying because I just didn't want to leave (but had to - work). Long distance isn't the most ideal thing for either of us, but we've been honest with one another and feel that this can work as I'll be moving down to the city within the next few months (I start university down there in January). I don't enjoy living up here at all, not just because I'm away from my boy (though that is a rather big factor) but because, as I've explained in another of my topics, I'm really the only person my age; all my friends are down in the city.

The two big problems right now are these - the first, I live with my parents while I'm working (and, to add to that, I also work with them - but they aren't my bosses [thats how small this town is, entire families working for one organisation]). I know if I throw my job in before it's finished (it's a 12-month traineeship that ends in December) that they will be disappointed. However, I keep telling myself that I am 18 so I should pursue what I want, and right now staying in the middle of nowhere is not high on my list. The other problem is that my partner is originally from England, moved here a year ago - he's having trouble getting into any tertiary institutions and whatnot because they don't recognise his levels from the UK, and he says that if he can't get into anywhere to get the right entry requirements that he'll probably move "home" (England) for a while until he has his qualifications. We really care about each other, and he's honestly made me the happiest I've been in a long time. We knew each other for a while before we got together, and he's also probably the most honest person I've met - he's always upfront about everything and I have no sort of trust issues. If worst came to worst, I would honestly consider moving to England with him...

It's a confusing situation and right now, in the midst of my sadness from having to be away from him, I feel like I need some advice.

navinator
 
Let's say you move there.

What are you going to do? I mean, aside from kissing and snuggling. Do you have transferable skills so that you can find work over there. Do you need a work visa? Could you attend school over there?

How long would it take him to get his qualifications? If its less than a year, it might be fun for you to travel to his country for a while and to explore your relationship with him. If it is his intention to go back to Australia, wouldn't it be fun to travel for a bit before you settled into school for 4 years or more?

Just make sure you think it out. If you decide to go, make sure you can get a source of income (work) while you are there. Also, put some untouchable money aside in case things go for shit and you have to come back home earlier than expected.

Lastly, there are two of you. Don't sacrifice it all for him. Make sure you still have goals that you are going to accomplish. If you dump your life and everything for one person, you will regret it later on, trust me.
 
You only have 2-3 months to finish your traineeship? Don't terminate it early. That would be a terrible mistake, I think.

If it's true love, 2-3 months is nothing.

As others have said, make sure you keep your education on track. Don't sacrifice everything for this guy, no matter how wonderful he is.
 
Thanks for the feedback guys. Im definitely not going to throw my job in early, Ive decided that.

Things seem to be getting more and more difficult, in the last two days I've only heard from him once and that was last night - I told him I wasn't feeling the best and I was heading off for an early night. His reply was just "Awww ok, night xx". I've actually been really sick since yesterday and have slept for virtually most of today (about 20 hours straight). Decided to try and call him earlier just to see how his day was, no answer. Decided to just text in case I fall asleep again, no reply. I'm getting concerned and annoyed at the same time, and every time I attempt to ask him if I've done something wrong or if there's anything on his mind, he insists things are fine with us.
 
IMO, if you have the ability to go to school in England and continue your career there, then go. But going there for just him without a plan for your future wouldn't be good.

You're in a tough spot because your whole world is that guy. You don't have normal things around you to keep your life busy other than work and family. So what ends up happening is you become really clingy and it's unhealthy for your relationship. Try to keep yourself busy. Continue to work on your situation of moving to the city eventually. That will help you.
 
I just told him that we need to have a bit of a chat about how he's been acting this last week, about to go talk to him now. I'll keep you posted.
 
I think I'm going to end it, honestly. I changed my JUB status days ago when I was feeling disillusioned - I thought things were easing up, and last night I even got a really sweet message saying "sorry I've been so distant this week, I know it's been upsetting you and I'm so sorry". But then it just started again tonight. We were supposed to have a video chat and he never bothered logging in and wouldn't even say goodnight to me. 'Scuse the language, but I'm fucking over it.
 
Remember the part I said about having this guy be your world. Well having every movement of his be your world too is worse. Maybe he sucks at making plans. Maybe he was busy. Not having chat and not saying goodnight in the big realm of things is not that big a deal when your life is busy and filled as well (which it isn't).

But, yes, if you're not satisfied with what he is giving you (or isn't in this case) then, yes, end it.
 
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