Feeling lonely

[julians4321]

Hello! So far this is my life: I'm still in the closet; i had a girlfriend a year and a half ago... (which lasted for a year or so) and have been single for more than a year. The thing is that, lately, I've been feeling incredibly lonely in a way I hadn't felt before in my life. I've been offered meaningless sex by older (and hot, i might say) men in the showers and locker rooms of my local gym, but I've rejected every one of these invitations. Normally, I wouldn't mind having a one night stand with one of these hot guys, but for some strange reason, I don't want to have meaningless sex anymore. I pine over watching couples kissing and caressing, and it's making me sick! I want to get back to my previous state of mind but I can't. I feel like I want to be in a relationship or with someone who I can love, but there are so many barriers that keep me from having one; the first one being that I haven't met anyone and probably won't in the future as I'm still in the closet. Anyone has a good piece of advice on how to suppress these feelings and stop being so melancholic?

 

[boy0boy]

Hmm "suppress" seems the wrong idea entirely. Use this time to find out why you feel this way, what you are missing and what you are looking for.

 

[Blacksheep]

Instead of trying to shirk the feeling I'd consider why I was having it. It really sounds like it's a forbidden fruit thing, you want to kiss and caress yet you can't because you're closeted. I know you can get a one night stand but it sounds as if you're mind is trying to tell you it's after intimacy rather than just sex.
Just because you are closeted doesn't necessarily mean you can't have an intimate relationship, it would just mean you would have to be careful having it not to mention seeking it. Of course coming out would be ideal but it doesn't seem as if it's something you are ready for yet.

 

[Yorkeys Knob]

Get out there, and shake what ya mama gave ya

 

[thewiz]

I think everyone has feelings of loneliness if they are truly honest.

I was married for 19 years and during that time I had feelings of loneliness--loneliness that I would go the rest of my life with someone I was not in love with and realizing I was gay and could not do act on it. I was comfortable; I had two beautiful kids and two beautiful step kids but there was the potential for companionship but not intimacy or passion.

I made the decision to come out of the closet and it was scarey as hell. I had the white picket fence; the "Ozzy and Harriet" family (just about as fake and cold, too). I met a guy and we dated for six months. I was never so alive or so not lonely. I was also never so controlled (another whole post).

Since we broke up, I've done lots of dating; had sex but have not met a person that we both give everything to. When I dwell on it, I feel lonely ... sometimes the fear that I'll be alone the rest of my life.

But then I get involved in community activities or things with friends and that loneliness tends to subside. As one gay friend told me, I have many friends and I have two kids so I should never fear being lonely.

But like you; when I'm alone and not dating someone and I see two guys passionately kissing and madly in love, I feel lonely and desire the same thing. I just have to be patient I guess....

I use the time to think about what I want; who I really want; and am I ready for a long term relationship.

 

[boyboycurious]

use the time to think about what I want; who I really want; and am I ready for a long term relationship.

well said

i just wanna add, i used to be in similar situation as u are: closet, wanting more but can't and feeling all alone. but you have to realize you are not alone, you still have your friends and family.

i was depressed during that time and it is not a good experience to feel alone at all. but i have managed to keep myself occupied with other things so that i don't think too much about it.

as thewiz, take some time, don't rush it, enjoy the time and really think about what you want?

are you happy as it is now? if not what do you wish to change?
what do you want in the future?
how can i achieve those? (remember that it won't happen immediately but gradually)


never feel that you are alone, if anything else i'm sure the guys here
are willing to help as well.

 

[thewiz]

Very well said boyboy...especially the last line. When I was trying to decide to come out, I stumbled across this site. I have met many great guys here and have visited/had them visit on many occasions. My trip to Toronto is especially memorable.

Heck, I've even met some of the DC guys and we've gone dancing in the clubs and they've come to parties at my house! I don't think I could have done a lot of what I did if not for the advice and support I got from guys on this site. I look back and when I started I wouldn't put out any info and certainly no picture. Now I've pretty much "bared all!" Ha...ha... (See Jeans poll!)

 

[rareboy]

How do you know you won't find love through one of these fleeting encounters you keep rejecting.

I did. Twice.

 

[G-Lexington]

Have you considered coming out of the closet?

Lex

 

[julians4321]

guys, thank you all for the support.... I think i'm doing better I have been keeping busy, but it comes in waves... i am so afraid of being lonely and yeah, i have friends and family but i feel like it isn't the same...., i want to experience that kind of intimacy you have with someone you are having a relationship with