Mirage
The JUB Illusion
My boyfriend and I are together now for over a month now and we're still very found of each other. Every time we meet up again we're aware that the feelings towards each other grew stronger compared to the last time we were together. The times that we're not together are getting more painful in a strange way, but the pain disappears when we meet up again.
From day one I still felt love and regrets towards my exboyfriend. The times we talked on the phone, texted and chatted online were still driving me nuts. I still wanted to go over to his place and to dive into bed with him. Something he would like to do too, because he still felt the same as before we split up. I've asked him many times if he wanted to change his decision and to start over again, but he didn't want to change it for our own good.
All this above is something my boyfriend is aware of. I tell him everything about my feelings and how things went in my former relationship. Somehow it doesn't make him uncomfortable when I talk about my former relationship with him and he supports me in any way he can. Even if it means that he's going to lose me to my ex. Together with my boyfriend I decided to meet up with my former boyfriend.
I was scared that I would feel the same thing as when I first met my ex and that I wanted to 'eat him alive'. To make sure we didn't end in bed together, my ex and I decided to meet up on neutral ground and go out for dinner together. After not seeing him for almost two months I still were nervous until the moment I saw him face to face. All doubts disappeared and made space for a friendly conversation.
Durring dinner we talked about our time together, my school, his job and my new boyfriend. He already knew I was already in a new relationship, but still wanted to know more about the new guy in my life. After a while I asked him if his feelings towards me has changed a bit since we broke up together. He told me that he still liked me as how I am; Good looking, carring, honest and kind, but because of his decision he doesn't allow himself to feel love towards me as partners.
I was well aware that I would get the same question back, so I started talking just after he was finished. I talked about the insecureness of the last couple of weeks, the doubts I've had if I really was in love or that it was just something trying to forget him. (This was something he thought about when I told him that I already have a new guy in my life.) But since I saw my ex again, I felt that my love for him was gone and that I'm not pretending the love towards my boyfriend. Not that I like my ex anymore, I just like him as the nice person who he is; A good friend of mine (something we decide to become after the break-up).
After dinner we went out for a walk and then the moment came to say goodbye. We promised each other to keep in touch and if something comes up we'll give a call or for just an other dinner, etc. That evening really put my life into a different perspective of my feelings and that's what I've told my boyfriend on the phone after I split up that night. He was really happy of hearing that I've let go the love feelings for my ex.
Two nights later I woke up in a different way. My feelings towards my boyfriend were changed. I still felt love, but it was different then before. It changed in a feeling that is more stable and normal. The thing that comes up when you're together for a long time. Something that isn't the case in this relationship. We're only together for a bit longer than a month. After some 'research' I figured out that it's caused by the short period that's between my ex and my boyfriend. When you add up the time together it'll be almost half a year. Still a bit short in my opinion, but more likely than only a month.
It doesn't matter to me what it really is what's going on now. The only thing that matters is that I love my boyfriend and that I miss him a lot when we're not together. And when we're together we are one hot couple that can't sit still.
From day one I still felt love and regrets towards my exboyfriend. The times we talked on the phone, texted and chatted online were still driving me nuts. I still wanted to go over to his place and to dive into bed with him. Something he would like to do too, because he still felt the same as before we split up. I've asked him many times if he wanted to change his decision and to start over again, but he didn't want to change it for our own good.
All this above is something my boyfriend is aware of. I tell him everything about my feelings and how things went in my former relationship. Somehow it doesn't make him uncomfortable when I talk about my former relationship with him and he supports me in any way he can. Even if it means that he's going to lose me to my ex. Together with my boyfriend I decided to meet up with my former boyfriend.
I was scared that I would feel the same thing as when I first met my ex and that I wanted to 'eat him alive'. To make sure we didn't end in bed together, my ex and I decided to meet up on neutral ground and go out for dinner together. After not seeing him for almost two months I still were nervous until the moment I saw him face to face. All doubts disappeared and made space for a friendly conversation.
Durring dinner we talked about our time together, my school, his job and my new boyfriend. He already knew I was already in a new relationship, but still wanted to know more about the new guy in my life. After a while I asked him if his feelings towards me has changed a bit since we broke up together. He told me that he still liked me as how I am; Good looking, carring, honest and kind, but because of his decision he doesn't allow himself to feel love towards me as partners.
I was well aware that I would get the same question back, so I started talking just after he was finished. I talked about the insecureness of the last couple of weeks, the doubts I've had if I really was in love or that it was just something trying to forget him. (This was something he thought about when I told him that I already have a new guy in my life.) But since I saw my ex again, I felt that my love for him was gone and that I'm not pretending the love towards my boyfriend. Not that I like my ex anymore, I just like him as the nice person who he is; A good friend of mine (something we decide to become after the break-up).
After dinner we went out for a walk and then the moment came to say goodbye. We promised each other to keep in touch and if something comes up we'll give a call or for just an other dinner, etc. That evening really put my life into a different perspective of my feelings and that's what I've told my boyfriend on the phone after I split up that night. He was really happy of hearing that I've let go the love feelings for my ex.
Two nights later I woke up in a different way. My feelings towards my boyfriend were changed. I still felt love, but it was different then before. It changed in a feeling that is more stable and normal. The thing that comes up when you're together for a long time. Something that isn't the case in this relationship. We're only together for a bit longer than a month. After some 'research' I figured out that it's caused by the short period that's between my ex and my boyfriend. When you add up the time together it'll be almost half a year. Still a bit short in my opinion, but more likely than only a month.
It doesn't matter to me what it really is what's going on now. The only thing that matters is that I love my boyfriend and that I miss him a lot when we're not together. And when we're together we are one hot couple that can't sit still.