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feelings for a straight guy...

L

landers

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There's this guy that I work with and I realized recently that I'm falling for him. Pretty sure he's straight, he could pass for gay if he wanted to but I'm reasonably certain that's just wishful thinking on my part. So who wants to tell me how screwed I am?
 
Oh, you're not screwed landers. It happens to the best of us. This board is full of stories like yours. You're just in a pretty sucky position. Do you have to spend a lot of time with this person as part of your job? If not you could restrict your seeing him during the work day. I have a feeling though, that you have to spend time with him since you realized you have feelings for him. Are you "falling" falling for him or could it be that these are just overwhelming, but possibly temporary feelings?

As for him passing for gay, that could most likely be your projections onto him.
 
You mention "falling" for him as if your infatuation over him has not yet climaxed. Don't let it. Cut it off right now. Don't put yourself into a position of vulnerability like that.
 
You're not screwed up.

You're in the exact same boat I was in a year ago, you even have "The Brain".

Unfortunately, the only solution to this is to hear it from his own mouth that he's straight. You can try to cut it off with him, but it probably won't work. I don't know the best way to do it, but you're going to need some shred of evidence that he's not gay--that he's got a g/f or whatever. That will kill your feelings. That's how it worked for me.
 
thermodynamics said:
You're not screwed up.

You're in the exact same boat I was in a year ago, you even have "The Brain".

Unfortunately, the only solution to this is to hear it from his own mouth that he's straight. You can try to cut it off with him, but it probably won't work. I don't know the best way to do it, but you're going to need some shred of evidence that he's not gay--that he's got a g/f or whatever. That will kill your feelings. That's how it worked for me.
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Yeah I agree with thermodynamics 100%

Best if you just didn't start that game!!
 
I'd definitley try to find out his sexuality sooner rather than later, before you completely fall for him.

I was in a similar situation, by the time I'd worked up the courage to ask him, I had completely fallen for him, and he told me he was straight and I was heartbroken. Then I was forced to live with him for a year, before I was able to cut him out of my life. That was almost a year ago now, and it still hurts...
 
ive been in situations like this only it was iin middle school, i had huge crushes on a few guys, i can remember their names still, nick logsdon, brian campbell, blake hollenbeck, trevor nichols and johnathan lewis, they were all gorgeous and i wanted to fuck them so badl. i remember in pe i made sure that my locker was close to them(we got to choose the lockers) and we had to shower so it was always nice to do pe and get to see them naked. one time i stole nick and briand underwear, they were so shocked to see them gone. when i got home from school i jacked off in them and smelled them, they smelled so good. the next day while they were in the shower i put them in their lockers with a thank you note.
 
not wanting to give false hope or brag but just see what happens. i was infatuated with a guy i worked with who always made it very clear he was straight. over time we became friends and a non-sexual love developed between us. he was the one i could always turn to.

one drunken night when i was particularly unhappy with the guy i was seeing, he kissed me. it made me panic that i was fucking something great up but, over time, it developed into a proper relationship. he has never been with another guy or expressed a desire to. we just clicked. unfortunately we split after nearly four years together but i would never take back a single second.

i'd say don't push anything but let him know that you like guys. if he does as well and it's meant to happen it will.

hope it all works out for you in the best way. whatever that might be.
xx
 
I hope he is gay and turns out to be the love of a lifetime for you. There is a guy at work I like. I've even written about him before on here. The thing is he will pass. It might not seem like it now and it may take as little as week or up to 2 years as it did for me to see that he is not for me. I lust his body more then him personaly. God. I can always tell when he is not in the room just from missing his scent. I finally came to realize the guy I longed for so long is a aragant prick and was blind with lust. Would I :sex: if given the opportunity. Probably. Do I think I could marry him some day No. Lust and love are two separate things. I pesonaly think that if you truly find the love of your life he could be the most ugly person on the face of the earth but the love you have for him will create more passion then the cutest man on earth. Besides what others see, don't matter as long as you see it.

So long story short. I hope he is gay. I hope he likes you. I hope you can someday marry him. But if for some reason it does not work out. You can and will get over him and find the guy of your dreams. Sorry I don't have a better answer for you...time will tell my friend and feel free to vent as I have, and others have about falling for the str8 guy or the guy you couldn't have.
 
What a perfect opportunity to practice, and hopefully learn, the most basic lesson there is in civilised human relationships: you don't have to scratch every itch.

Just because you get a stiffy when you look at someone places no obligation on you to fuck them. And to reiterate what's been said countless times on these boards - it's totally inappropriate to initiate any sort of sexual interaction with a workmate or colleague.
 
spreadeagle said:
What a perfect opportunity to practice, and hopefully learn, the most basic lesson there is in civilised human relationships: you don't have to scratch every itch.

Just because you get a stiffy when you look at someone places no obligation on you to fuck them. And to reiterate what's been said countless times on these boards - it's totally inappropriate to initiate any sort of sexual interaction with a workmate or colleague.
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disagree. i never fucked in the workplace or brought mine and my boyfriends shit out in front of any employees. we had a very romantic and sexual relationship which never compromised our working relationship, nor did it comprimise our relationship with those we worked with.
x
 
I've been there. I came out to him casually. He said he hoped I didn't fancy him as he was not that way inclined. I told him no I didn't but that I didn't regard being Gay as a big deal. So now I knew he was straight and not a homophobe, had he been I would never have told him in the first place. We remain good friends to this day and he has been on holiday with me and friends years after we worked together.

In conclusion the best way to sort out your head is to find out his preferences and if they are straight then accept that and be friends. It Isn't that hard to do. (*8*)
 
Been there too many times.. You might be screwed for some time, but eventually you'll get over it. I guess :confused:

I fell for a straight (and homophobe) classmate of mine. And I've had several crush on straight guys before. I'm kinda attracted to the macho straight-acting dudes.. doh. But this was a bit deeper.. and then there's the fact that he's kinda close friend now. I'm still in closet to him though, but yet I consider him a good friend.

There was about two months time when all I could think about was him. It sucked.. in a wrong way. I even had a wet dream about him and that didn't help me too much -_-.. quite the opposite. But time will heal, at least most of it. It's been over an year now since that crushing period. We hugged with him few days ago when we were drinking and talking about feelings and stuff (you might know those deeper than life converstations when drinkin too much beer :rolleyes:). I almost couldn't let go of him! I thought I was so over with him, but I guess not.. meh. All I can really say that time will heal it. As it seems that you can't even avoid him too much since his your co-worker.

Oh yeah landers, I'm about your age too. It seems to get easier not to crush on wrong dudes the older I (/we) get..
 
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