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Feelings for coworker

R

rilley

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I went through something similar I was obsessed with this guy but eventually the feelings just went away (a couple of months) and we just became friends. So I say just give it time and eventually you'll more than likely get over those feelings.
 
yeah, it's can be considered as a phase as tommy mentioned. I used to have feelings for one of my colleagues and the worst part was that there's a time when we are required to work outstation and we had to share the same bed at night for a week. He even flirted with me. That makes me fall even more head over heels over him but fortunately these feelings have passed. Time and the jobs on hand heals everything. ^_^
 
Like being close to a friend, same with a coworker perhaps. Most of the time we will be attracted to and secretly fallen in love with our friends. First we will like them to the point we cannot stop thinking about them. Next we will start to imagine and claim that they "too" has feelings for us. Then the imaginations become misconceptions. Lastly, it will end up badly either by unwanted rejections or a "forever" lingering half way of secret admiration.

An advice is for you to just simply tell yourself that he is straight. He knows you are gay and he is not interested into you. If he is interested, then he would have done some actions by now. The point that he is not, so you need to stop "waiting for a sign" already. He is straight man who respected you for who you are and want to be. Please respect him back the way you should.

Nothing is impossible if you have the will to change. If you are not strong enough to use your will power to change your heart, go out and meet someone else, perhaps that will change your point of interest.
 
Try to focus your attention on someone, who will be happy to have you as a date or even BF.

Co-workers are fine and can be friends, too. Yet, the dude is straight and sadly, you are just wasting your time.

SC
 
The feelings may depreciate but they probably won't totally disappear. I do agree...focus your efforts elsewhere. Trust me I've been down this road before. Pining over a straight guy is like mining for gold in a tin mine. You'll get metal just not the kind you want.
 
Subconciously, you'll begin to realize that harboring those feelings and not letting go is senseless because it's so consuming. After awhile, you might see the *connection* for what it is, turn it into a positive, and be happy with having a good friendship.
 
dude i am going through exactly what you are going through with a coworker of mine. except he doesn't know i'm gay so i'm always doing the whole 'what if he knew' thing in my head. it really sucks. oh and also to make it worse he's moving away in a few months so i feel hella depressed over that. god love sucks.
 
I went through this recently, I was completely obsessed with a guy who works across the office from me - we don't even know each other, we've never spoken and all I know about him is his name - but because he has the most amazing ass and he's just generally gorgeous I developed a really strong crush and thought about him day and night.

This lasted for about 2 months but since then the feelings have really died down and even though I still fancy him like hell, I'm no longer obsessed! I think it's definitely just a phase everybody goes through now and then.
 
finbar said:
My second question is .. Why did the females make the comments ?
Click to expand...

Because women pick up on things and they make comments like this to find out more information or to see how you will react.

Probably the best thing you can do is dismiss it with humor, like "No, you can be our friend too - I like you too".

Or "Gay couple? I thought you were dating him. He's been lying to me all this time!".
 
I'm amazed, Finbar.

First he makes some kind of gay joke, which I gather was a little offensive.
Then, when you indicate that you don't like that, he says, 'Is that supposed to make me feel something? It doesn't make me feel anything.'
Then he sarcastically asks, 'are you hurt?'
Then, when you say he's useless (which isn't that extreme a response - OK, so it's a sore spot for him), he says

YOU'RE ONE FUCKING UGLY LOOKING CUNT.

That's about as extreme as it gets.

Maybe something got lost in the transliteration, but it doesn't sound like he was joking. This guy has a massive attitude problem (massive understatement). How can you even like and respect somebody who behaves like this?
 
You might want to take a step back and look at how the situation was handled -

Assuming that your colleague has mentioned the sterotypical remarks enough to annoy you - esp considering the fact that you have feelings for him, everything that he says or does is prob amplified in your mind. Perhaps it might be time to dispel the sterotypes, educate him, and at the same time, open up and mention why the stereotype isn't true - rather than responding with, "you don't know me at all," might seem a little defensive at this point.

In response to - "Are you hurt" -
Rather than being honest and telling him that you are indeed hurt, you intentionally responded with something that you *knew* was going to intentionally piss him off.

If you're tired of making the first move to heal things, follow your intuition and give yourselves some space. Unfortunately, the more "little" things like this happen, the more tension is going to be produced.
 
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