Female intern slapped me lightly on the back of the head

[Paws]

It already happened in November or December last year. The 17 year old women's libber at my workplace slapped me on the back of the head while I was working on the computer.

I didn't do anything wrong, didn't say anything bad and didn't sexually assault her.

I shrugged it off and never told my boss, but with all the other things she did to me throughout this year, all emotions and memories are coming up again.

How would react and handle this situation, if a female co-worker (neither she and I are supervisors) slapped you on the back of the head? Slapping back is obviously not a solution.

 

[genthree]

note each event, tell her to desist and report any further problems.

 

[medic1]

^^^^^^^
I agree tottaly , she is out of order sexual harrasment or bullying is a 2way
street . I would find out maybe through human resources what your companies
policy is on such matters , the fact that it is a female being the aggresor is neither
here nor there . Maybe a private chat saying that you feel that her behaviour
is making you uncomfortable might help . Good Luck .

 

[Horschallen]

Try applying really sticky hair gel or Vaseline in your hair three or four times daily. I am sure she will quickly stop slapping you on the head. Do that, go forth and be a happy man!

 

[Seasoned]

I'd go to her privately first, and note your conversation. If anything further happens go to HR immediately. You're suffering stress because of this.

 

[Paws]

More about her here.

As I wrote, I talked to my boss about her behaviour, but never mentioned that slap.

Try applying really sticky hair gel or Vaseline in your hair three or four times daily.

I have a crew cut, short on the sides and the back, longer on top (with some hair gel, but not that much like a cliché preppy douchebag). That was actually the reason for the slap.

I show up on a Monday, with my hair cut short - the first time after working there for a few weeks. The one female intern just tells me how they slap schoolmates on the back of the head whenever they show up with such short hair. Wednesday, the aggressive intern is at work too and... she actually slaps me.

But I'm not her schoolmate. I'm an older generation, I grew up differently, we're at work and I don't care what traditions they have between classmates at school. I'm not working as a professional boxer or into female domination, so I don't want to get slapped by anyone.

Regarding the verbal abuse, my boss tells me to shrug it off as her internship is over in three weeks anyway. But it pisses me off that such a girl can get away with it - just like any other male and female person that bullied me in my life - and then goes on finding another job easily. That's frustrating, no boss wants to stand up and tell the bully to stop or even clearly punish him/her. My experience is that a direct conversation with people who bully me doesn't improve the situation either, but makes it even worse because they don't want to admit their wrongdoing and they'll only have more reasons to bully me for politely asking not to act like that.

Even if she's gone in three weeks, I'm left with the negative memories and it just adds to the list of bad experiences where I felt left alone, which sums up into general frustration and anger.

 

[Maklaar13]

Completely unacceptable behavior. Never to be tolerated it does not matter who does it. Document the incident or incidents very carefully for future reference. Nobody has the right to touch you or hit you in any way while in a supposedly professional environment. If anyone would dare do that to me they would be in the emergency room having my computer keyboard surgically remove from their ass.

 

[palemale]

Tell her to keep her fucking hands to herself. Even if she didn't injure you, putting your hands on another person when it is unwelcome is unlawful. If she does it again, tell your boss. If they don't fire her, go to the police and get an order of protection and serve it on her.

 

[dhchitown1984]

use a small dab of glue, or maybe even some extra hold hair gel, and stick a thumbtack to the back of your head.

Bring it up non-confrontationally at first, maybe just loud enough so that someone else can hear it... when she does it just say "OK, is there a reason for all this? It got pretty old rather quickly."

Document. Document. Document. Document. Let her know you're keeping track. Keep a sheet of paper on your desk or next to your work area that says "SLAP LOG" on the top with a really big sharpie. Whenever she does it, add a hash mark.

Tell your boss, and take it up the chain from there. It's inappropriate.

 

[ZmercTheDuke]

shes probably just flirting with you, does she know your gay?

 

[hotatlboi]

shes probably just flirting with you, does she know your gay?

Unacceptable behavior in the workplace, regardless of his orientation or hers.

 

[rollex_2000]

Wtf are you smoking? really??? A year ago ?? lightly?? 17y.o co worker??? QUIT FUCKING SMOKING SHIT!!!

This keeps reminding me why is it wrong to assume that you are surrounded by intelligent people who have common sense.

 

[godson112]

Why can't you just ask her why she slapped you on the back of the head...? Am I missing something?

If it's just a joke... Grow the fuck up and learn to take a joke...?

 

[rollex_2000]

Why can't you just ask her why she slapped you on the back of the head...? Am I missing something?

If it's just a joke... Grow the fuck up and learn to take a joke...?

See also my comment right above yours.

You know there are people like this who are so angry and upset inside that they will try look at everything from a bad perspective, as if the whole world is trying to hurt them. They hold this kinds of things inside, and think and overthink and think and overthink for a long time, while the person who did it has already forgotten about it. Than they bring it up after years, or yet do something fucked up to come back at a person.

Grow the fuck up. seriously!!!
The world is not after you. Live your life worry free. If you don't understand something or you are offended by something, bring it up right away. discuss and forget about it......

 

[Paws]

Wtf are you smoking? really??? A year ago ?? lightly?? 17y.o co worker??? QUIT FUCKING SMOKING SHIT!!!

This keeps reminding me why is it wrong to assume that you are surrounded by intelligent people who have common sense.

Why can't you just ask her why she slapped you on the back of the head...? Am I missing something? [note: yes, try to read]

If it's just a joke... Grow the fuck up and learn to take a joke...?

You both are deranged and want to make me feel bad as a victim.

If I had "jokingly" slapped or groped her ass, she could have reported it as sexual harassment. Did you guys(?) notice the age difference? That she was 17 and I was 30 back then? And also that I'm not sexually interested in women? In all the classes and workplaces I was in my teenage years, nobody ever slapped each other, unless it was a real fight. A fight between boys and girls never happened and I only witnessed a classmate once groping the ass of a girl he was flirting with. Everybody knows that a slap on the back of the head is not considered flirting. I don't know in what fucked up places you both were, where such behaviour is called a joke.

 

[KaraBulut]

Whether it's flirting or not, it's inappropriate for one employee to strike- or even touch- each another employee.

When this kind of stuff happens, you do have to speak up and say, "I'm sorry. It's really inappropriate for you to hit me like that. Don't do it again". You should also mention it to a coworker that you trust or make sure there's a witness when you say it. Otherwise, it's your word against their word.

If the warning doesn't stop it, then it's up to you to talk with your manager and to decide whether you want to go to HR.

Most employers have a zero tolerance policy about this kind of contact. Even when it's done jokingly, it can get you fired.

 

[cocksucker4use]

I'd go to her privately first, and note your conversation. If anything further happens go to HR immediately. You're suffering stress because of this.

Bingo! You should talk to her directly before going to a supervisor or HR. In private, and on company premises (not out for coffee or any place that could be misinterpreted as friendly or social) be direct. Be honest and don't beat around the bush. Be assertive without being aggressive. Couch your comments in terms of "when you do BLANK, it makes me feel BLANK. I don't like it. Don't do this any more, or I will escalate the issue". No please or thank you. (Bullies can be totally disarmed by directness). Document the time and place and any response from her. Document any specific incidents as to date and place for your own benefit. If it continues, go to your supervisor. If she is an intern, she is totally dispensable and likely without recourse if she is dropped. This would also preclude her from being hired on.

Only go to HR if your supervisor is dismissive or ineffective in addressing your concerns to a satisfactory resolution. (Again, document time, place and content of conversations with your supervisor). HR is not your friend. They are focused on identifying and deflecting any risk to the company. You can't always predict how they will interpret anything. If and whey you deal with them, be factual and don't fall into believing that whomever you speak with in HR is your buddy or especially sympathetic and on your side. They are not.

That said, many states have laws to protect people from harassment and a hostile environment in the workplace. The perpetrator's intent (cruelty, bullying fun, joking around, playfulness or just cluelessness) notwithstanding, it is the receiver's perception and feelings around the activity that counts. In California, once a supervisor becomes aware of hostile activity they need to escalate it, because by law if the activity continues, the onus is on the company as well as the perpetrator.

My sense is that if you document and address the issue directly and professionally, it should go away, and I would be surprised if the intern didn't disappear from your work place.

 

[Darted]

You should take note of each time she does this to you (and has done this to you) and next time it happens, don't react well. If she doesn't take a hint, you can report her. Maybe she thinks it's fun and playful, so don't be too mean!

 

[looseliam]

Lodge a complaint with HR. As for the mean-time, wouldn't it be just a shame if she were to accidentally trip next time she walked by you?

 

[blackbeltninja]

All sounds a bit OTT to me, frankly.

-d-