Well lets just say I'm 19 years old and living with my mother (parents got divorced when I was 12). Me and her are pretty close, we always talk about everything but I've just never been comfortable about telling her that I was gay. So far in my life (before last night) only a few of my close friends knew, none of them cared so I was lucky for that.
Lately shes been talking about grandkids a lot, my sister and her boyfriend don't really want to have any just yet (shes 24 and hes 26 I think). She told me I need to meet someone and make her some grandkids (jokingly I was assuming) but I always told her that I'm not having kids, I think she took it as a joke... but I wasn't joking. Clue #1
Anyways we were watching Trauma, we recorded it from Monday night since we were busy that night and there was a gay party, and one of the gay guys "jokingly" flirted with the black (somewhat homophobic) paramedic by touching his face and he overreacted and held him up against the car and went off on him. I said to my mom "wow what a dick, he overreacted way to much... it was jokingly flirting, it wasn't that big of a deal." She then asked me what I would do if a guy did that to me and I said I wouldn't really care. That was clue #2.
As we continue watching she made a comment about how all gay guys dressed up in womens clothing to have fun... I got very defensive and somewhat snapped saying not ALL gay guys are into that. (Because I'm really REALLY not into that at all.) She asked me how I knew but I just sat there in silence. Clue #3
A little later into the show the black paramedics partner told him that he was gay and my mom asked me if I was gay and I panicked and looked at her and said "Maybe!" Really loud... She said really? Still panicking I said "I don't know..." then everything was quiet until the show was over. Clue #4 I guess? (I really did know that I'm gay obviously, but I just didn't know what to say and I was in a awkward position.)
We watched another show, I can't remember but she didn't bring it up again. So later I laid down in my bed and thought about everything and decided I should finally just tell her. She was working in her office on her computer and I heard several computer "beeps" like there was a problem, so I went in and asked her what was up. She was having troubles getting online or something but got it as I walked in here (was just an excuse for me to walk in there
).
I said "Mom, we should talk about the little issue earlier, well not issue but thing earlier..." She acted like she didn't know what I was talking about, I then just flat out said "I'm gay" because I didn't know how to exactly go slowly into it... She just looked at me for a second, "Are you sure?". I said yes, I've been like that all my life... She asked me how I knew and I told her that I've experimented with a few friends and told her who (hope she doesn't say anything to them, but I really don't think she will). Let me just say it is very VERY weird telling your MOM about what you did with another guy... I didn't go into all the juicy details but I went into enough.
She then asked me if I was ever going to change my mind... I told her I really doubt it because I've ALWAYS been like this, hell even when I was a kid playing with Power Rangers I used to make the Blue Ranger and the Black Ranger make out all the time...
She then told me that she has always wondered because I went through a few "hard years" you could say between 9th grade to about 11th, one day I just came home crying... hard, and I almost never cry. I then refused to go to school and ended up leaving my home school and going to online schooling. I really regret it now but at the time I just didn't want to be around the people who knew I was gay (told them in 8th grade), they didn't really mention it ever but it just felt weird to me. Sadly because of that I haven't talked to a few of my friends in a good 4 years, but thats enough about that. But I told her all about that and how it was the reason I left school.
I then went on to explain why I snapped about the whole "All gay guys dress up in womans clothing" thing and said I was sorry for snapping (because I did kinda yell at her
). Told her I wasn't into feminine guys and that I liked bigger guys that were a bit muscular or a bit chubby (but not too much of either ). Lets just say that was REALLY awkward and I probably should of left that out but I decided to just tell her everything.
She then went on to ask me if anyone else in the family knew and I told her no only my friends knew (which is true). She then asked me when I plan on telling everyone else and I told her I didn't know and laughed and said "Hell it took me 19 years to tell my own mom! And if it wasn't for that damn Trauma we wouldn't even be having this conversation!!" We both laughed... I probably will tell my sister here within the next week or so, we're pretty close too, my whole family is pretty close really (my moms side anyway, my dads side is another story
). I asked her how she felt about it and she said "well I'm not excited as if you just told me I was going to have a grand baby!" and we both laughed. She then told me that she didn't care that I was gay and I was still her "bubba" as her and my sister call me... She was just glad that she finally knew what I was keeping from her because she knew something was wrong but I just wouldn't say it. We talked for another 5-10 minutes about different things then I said I was going to bed, she got up gave me a hug and said she loved me and I laid back in bed.
About 5 minutes later she walked into my room and asked me one more time "Are you sure you're not going to change your mind" and once again I said "I really doubt it, I'm sorry." I was hoping she would say something along the lines of theres no reason to be sorry about it... but I didn't hear anything like that. Oh well at least she didn't start crying and or get angry and throw me out or anything like that! 
Sorry I typed out all of that, I kind of got carried away on certain details but I just wanted to rant and type all this out somewhere and I just remember this site
Sorry if there were any typos or grammar errors, its 4:30 AM and I'm tired as hell, but I wanted to type it anyways... Not sure if anyone will actually read all of it but hey I just wanted to type out everything, it just makes me feel better I guess haha. Sadly I feel awkward now even being around her... She has brought it up a few times today but it was just a few questions. She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone until I was ready, but we'll see how long that lasts...
We were watching a couple of our shows and she was commenting on "Oh hes cute" she always does that but now it just makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know if I should say "Yeah he is!" or not, I just sit there in silence like I did before she knew. But I never comment on the women either =P so that was probably another clue... There I go ranting about nothing again, I really need to stop that... Okay I'll end with one more sentence after this one! ... I got nothing, thanks for reading!
Lately shes been talking about grandkids a lot, my sister and her boyfriend don't really want to have any just yet (shes 24 and hes 26 I think). She told me I need to meet someone and make her some grandkids (jokingly I was assuming) but I always told her that I'm not having kids, I think she took it as a joke... but I wasn't joking. Clue #1
Anyways we were watching Trauma, we recorded it from Monday night since we were busy that night and there was a gay party, and one of the gay guys "jokingly" flirted with the black (somewhat homophobic) paramedic by touching his face and he overreacted and held him up against the car and went off on him. I said to my mom "wow what a dick, he overreacted way to much... it was jokingly flirting, it wasn't that big of a deal." She then asked me what I would do if a guy did that to me and I said I wouldn't really care. That was clue #2.
As we continue watching she made a comment about how all gay guys dressed up in womens clothing to have fun... I got very defensive and somewhat snapped saying not ALL gay guys are into that. (Because I'm really REALLY not into that at all.) She asked me how I knew but I just sat there in silence. Clue #3
A little later into the show the black paramedics partner told him that he was gay and my mom asked me if I was gay and I panicked and looked at her and said "Maybe!" Really loud... She said really? Still panicking I said "I don't know..." then everything was quiet until the show was over. Clue #4 I guess? (I really did know that I'm gay obviously, but I just didn't know what to say and I was in a awkward position.)
We watched another show, I can't remember but she didn't bring it up again. So later I laid down in my bed and thought about everything and decided I should finally just tell her. She was working in her office on her computer and I heard several computer "beeps" like there was a problem, so I went in and asked her what was up. She was having troubles getting online or something but got it as I walked in here (was just an excuse for me to walk in there
). I said "Mom, we should talk about the little issue earlier, well not issue but thing earlier..." She acted like she didn't know what I was talking about, I then just flat out said "I'm gay" because I didn't know how to exactly go slowly into it... She just looked at me for a second, "Are you sure?". I said yes, I've been like that all my life... She asked me how I knew and I told her that I've experimented with a few friends and told her who (hope she doesn't say anything to them, but I really don't think she will). Let me just say it is very VERY weird telling your MOM about what you did with another guy... I didn't go into all the juicy details but I went into enough.
She then asked me if I was ever going to change my mind... I told her I really doubt it because I've ALWAYS been like this, hell even when I was a kid playing with Power Rangers I used to make the Blue Ranger and the Black Ranger make out all the time...
She then told me that she has always wondered because I went through a few "hard years" you could say between 9th grade to about 11th, one day I just came home crying... hard, and I almost never cry. I then refused to go to school and ended up leaving my home school and going to online schooling. I really regret it now but at the time I just didn't want to be around the people who knew I was gay (told them in 8th grade), they didn't really mention it ever but it just felt weird to me. Sadly because of that I haven't talked to a few of my friends in a good 4 years, but thats enough about that. But I told her all about that and how it was the reason I left school. I then went on to explain why I snapped about the whole "All gay guys dress up in womans clothing" thing and said I was sorry for snapping (because I did kinda yell at her
). Told her I wasn't into feminine guys and that I liked bigger guys that were a bit muscular or a bit chubby (but not too much of either ). Lets just say that was REALLY awkward and I probably should of left that out but I decided to just tell her everything. She then went on to ask me if anyone else in the family knew and I told her no only my friends knew (which is true). She then asked me when I plan on telling everyone else and I told her I didn't know and laughed and said "Hell it took me 19 years to tell my own mom! And if it wasn't for that damn Trauma we wouldn't even be having this conversation!!" We both laughed... I probably will tell my sister here within the next week or so, we're pretty close too, my whole family is pretty close really (my moms side anyway, my dads side is another story
). I asked her how she felt about it and she said "well I'm not excited as if you just told me I was going to have a grand baby!" and we both laughed. She then told me that she didn't care that I was gay and I was still her "bubba" as her and my sister call me... She was just glad that she finally knew what I was keeping from her because she knew something was wrong but I just wouldn't say it. We talked for another 5-10 minutes about different things then I said I was going to bed, she got up gave me a hug and said she loved me and I laid back in bed. About 5 minutes later she walked into my room and asked me one more time "Are you sure you're not going to change your mind" and once again I said "I really doubt it, I'm sorry." I was hoping she would say something along the lines of theres no reason to be sorry about it... but I didn't hear anything like that
. Oh well at least she didn't start crying and or get angry and throw me out or anything like that! Sorry I typed out all of that, I kind of got carried away on certain details but I just wanted to rant and type all this out somewhere and I just remember this site
Sorry if there were any typos or grammar errors, its 4:30 AM and I'm tired as hell, but I wanted to type it anyways... Not sure if anyone will actually read all of it but hey I just wanted to type out everything, it just makes me feel better I guess haha. Sadly I feel awkward now even being around her... She has brought it up a few times today but it was just a few questions. She promised me she wouldn't tell anyone until I was ready, but we'll see how long that lasts... We were watching a couple of our shows and she was commenting on "Oh hes cute" she always does that but now it just makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't know if I should say "Yeah he is!" or not, I just sit there in silence like I did before she knew. But I never comment on the women either =P so that was probably another clue... There I go ranting about nothing again, I really need to stop that... Okay I'll end with one more sentence after this one! ... I got nothing, thanks for reading!
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