Others have tread this ground, but I'll see if I can point out all the problem areas.
>>>i'm jockish and dont normally 'date'.
Meaning what, exactly? Jockish people date.
>>> still went on date and was actually really excited to meet him and get to know him better. we made plans to just chilll and watch movies at my place, after meeting for a beer or so.
Not a great idea for a first date. Better to keep things in a neutral location, so if you don't feel comfortable, it's easier to make an exit. What if he'd come to your place, and you decided you didn't like him at all? How do you gracefully say "I've decided I don't like you, so you can go now"?
>>>first he was 1.5 hr late ( held up from bible study) which didnt really bother me...
I've never known Bible study to run long, but that's just me.
>>>in the back of my head i kinda thought i wasnt his type after haring him talk about other guys, but i literally didnt want anything out of the date except to get to know him better and get a second date.
I don't follow. What's on the second date that isn't on the first date?
>>>after 5 min. i could tell he wasnt digging me (physically - yeah i got a belly now) but he wouldnt come out and say it
What was he expecting? Did you play up your "jockish" side so much that he was expecting something other than what you were?
>>>i can read people well.
I'm not so sure you can. Read on.
>>>i guess the main thing, besides me physically, that he didnt 'like' was that he thought i highlighted my faults/negatives. i see it a different way... im a realist and in tune with myself and i think its very important to recognize ur own faults to they can eventually not be negatives.. also why hide who you are - working on my negatives is my biggest imspiration to living.
There's nothing wrong with "working on your negatives". But it's one thing to say "I'm a total klutz", and another thing to say "I've always been klutzy, so I recently started a tai chi class to work on my body awareness". One is a derogatory statement, and one shows that you are in fact "working on our negatives".
But what I don't understand is why he found your negative talk offputting. He'd spoken to you (presumably) several times on MSN and phone. Were you not as negative then? Did you act significantly differently in his physical presence than you did online and over the phone?
I may be reading between the lines too much here, but I'm guessing this is what happened.
You met this guy online, somewhat clicked, and decided to meet up. You meet him, and he's late, which between the beers and time may have put you off-guard a bit. Things didn't go precisely the way you'd hoped, as they are wont to do - a few too many silences and/or awkward looks. Which you interpreted as him deciding he wasn't into you. Look, if he wasn't into you, he wouldn't have met up with you. He liked you enough to meet with you and invite you to a gay club. If he wasn't overly chatty, it's almost certainly because first dates can be full of awkward silences and confused looks. But you decided it meant he didn't like you, so you turned on the self-flagillator. You start pointing out your faults heavier, probably in that "Of course he doesn't like me. I'm too heavy, I'm too inconsiderate, I'm not good at chit-chat" mode. Which of course does nothing for your cause.
I think him bagging on the movies at your place was a good call. You didn't appear to be in good form, and going there might've just extended the awkwardness. Send him a note, thank him for meeting with you, and apologize if you came across a bit too negative.
>>>... im never dating again.
Then start working on THIS negative of yours. Because I think it needs working on.
Lex
)
