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First Gay Experience... Not That Great

X

xdriver995

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So the other day, I was at Target looking at DVDs. A guy was standing next to me looking at DVDs too, and after a while, we started talking. He's probably in his 40s (but I didn't ask his age) but looked like he was in great shape. I could tell right away he was gay (by his speech and mention of gay rights). We found out taht we both go to schools that are near each other. I've never told anyone (besides here) that I'm gay, so I decided that it would be harmless to tell him, so I did. It was the first time so I was kind of proud of myself!

After a while, he invited me to his apartment for coffee. I had been wanting to talk about being gay with someone, and he seemed to know quite a bit, and he seemed really nice, so I agreed. We went to his apartment, and after a while, we were sitting on his couch watching TV. He kept his hand on my thigh which was fine. After a while, his hand began creeping up, and waas eventually at my penis, which he began to rub through my pants. This made me really uncomfortable (I was def. not aroused by this), so I told him to stop, which he did. Soon after, I made a lame excuse and left.

I was a little upset that the one guy I told that I was gay was not really too interested in talking to me about his experiences with being gay/ coming out (even though I brought it up a few times). And that he seemed pretty interested in getting into my pants. I think from now on, I'll stick to guys my own age. I didn't give him my #, and I don't go to Target all that often, so I don't think I'll see him again.
 
Congratulations! You did the right thing to leave. When someone cares about you as a person, you will be more comfortable, and your chances of having a good experience will be much greater. Keep looking. You'll find someone who is right for you. Until that happens, don't rush things. Happy hunting, and a big hug for you.
 
Oh god, what happened to the good old days when everyone just wanted to fuck and not talk.
 
You've also now learned that if a guy just wants to talk about life experiences, he'll go to a coffee shop or to lunch with you to do so. If you go back to his place after just meeting him, he's going to think you're open to going the distance. It's a good thing he was just horny and not crazy. Be careful--it wasn't his age that made him this way. Young, hot guys wouldn't be any different--except you might have stayed?
 
Don't be too worried... there are many people out there, and everyone's different: there's the one who is interested in having sex and the one who is happy to share his experiences and life... and there's the one open to both.

Just don't be too afraid that this will happen again... it is possible, but not sure. Believe me, You need to meet a many people to find someone interesting, caring or someone you can trust. That's just how life is, it is maybe sad but tell everytime to yourself that meeting someone is an occasion to see how he is... maybe what you're looking for, maybe not. Don't let you down and go on exploring the human world :-)

I had to wait long to meet a real gay friend, it all started thinking to have sex and so on... it never happened and when we met some time after we had chatted the first time, he was involved in a relationship but accepted to go for a coffe... it wasn't what I have expected so far in the first moment in chat (no sex) but the result is way better that this: I now have a friend who i can trust!

Don't let you down, ok?

Hey, how old are you? How much experience do you have with guys?
 
Yeah, going back to one of your places sort of implies sexual interest. If you really just want to talk, go to a coffee shop.

Lex
 
But, in your defense, he should have asked for consent. Just going to someone's place doesn't give that person a blank sexual check.
 
Thanks again for the feedback. I feel pretty stupid about the whole thing now. He actually did suggest going to the next door coffee shop, but it was closed when we got there. It was then that he suggested his apartment, which was nearby. I'm not sure if I would have agreed if he had first said his apartment (but who knows).
 
Well, you guys are right, going to someone's place can mean "I wanna have sex", but it is not true everytime... I mean, of course you have more... privacy, but if both guys don't wanna it, they don't... It really depends oh the persons involved!
 
Don't waste time feeling stupid about it. You're inexperienced and were really wanting to talk to someone. That's not a crime. You learned a lesson, and you're wiser for it. Don't undermine your new-found wisdom by telling yourself you're dumb. :kiss:

And of course everyone who asks you back to his place isn't necessarily looking for sex..but perhaps it's best to assume they are. :-)
 
I've never had someone invite me back to their place the second after meeting me who wasn't looking for sex. When I read this, I thought it was sort of obvious he wanted sex... But I'm sorry you had a bad experience. At least he stopped when you told him to.
 
Hm....maybe he got the wrong messange from you, or he can be you sex addicted bastard.
 
Yup. All is fine. Nothing really bad happened and you are smarter for an experience.

I'd also say that I would never even vaguely consider going to any dude's place only to talk, unless we have been friends and known each other for a long time.

For most guys, agreeing to go with them to their place is an implicit 'yes' to being willing to get sexual.

Obviously, talk alone is largely reserved for public places...

---
You have drawn a completely wrong conclusion that the guy was after you sexually, because of the age gap. He was after you, and he had shown that, too.

Do not assume that a guy in you age range will be more interested in talking... just because they are in your age group. This is an unsound proposition...

---
Last but not least: if you find men in their 40s or older unattractive (I do), that's perfectly fine. Do not go with them... Stick with the guys you find attractive. This will make everybody's life so much easier. And you would not have to worry about seeing the dude the next time @Target:)

SC
 
I don't know if this is going to help you at all but I'm going to share it as my life's experience how an similar incident did end up like it was supposed to go.

I met an older guy by accident and he invited me to his place just to talk. At his place I took control over the situation and wanted to talk by the kitchen table. It was easy to keep my distance and when he made clear that he was after something more it wasn't difficult to take more distance and tell him I didn't want anything more then to talk.

I don't think you did anything 'wrong' but in your situation I might have sad I wasn't willing to go any further when he put his hand on your thigh.
 
Just don't give up. You'll meet the kind of guy that you are looking for, if you give yourself some time. I have learned in the past few weeks that here for me at least, an awesome gay man has come into my life and is willing to talk or flirt or just be there for me when I have gone thru some difficult times. I am the luckiest guy on the planet right now. I hope you meet that special someone soon and feel as happy as I do right now.
 
Thanks for all the advice everyone. This whole situation was really bothering me for the last few days, but after hearing all your feedback, I really do feel a whole lot better about everything. I guess I probably assumed that he wasn't looking for sex because of his age, but I realize how ridiculous that is.

Also, I know realize that going to "his place" probably implies sex (even though we did try to go a coffee shop first). Again, hearing your experiences and thoughts really does give me a lot of hope.
 
Man chats up boyish-guy, making it REALLY clear he's gay--how nice
Man takes boyish-guy home--ok
Man puts hand on his thigh--all is well
Man's hand drifts up to crotch--no worries
Man's hand wonders over cock and starts rubbing--Oh my gawd, this dude's an old perv.


Something is wrong here.
 
Naah, don't worry about it, at least you broke the ice. And you did the right thing by not staying around for the sex when you felt uncomfortable.

But anyway, now you know -- when one gay man invites another back to his apartment, sex is what's probably on his mind. So don't say yes if you're not attracted to the guy.
 
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