First love... can it happen again?

[ZacBoy]

Lately I've been a bit concerned. I often hear people say "you never love someone like your first love" and "you'll always have a special place in your heart for your first love". Do you think this is true?

Bit of background on me. I came about about half way through 2007 (when I was 17) and I got a boyfriend pretty much straight away. We ended up falling in love (or at least I ended up falling in love with him) but after 6 months he broke my heart.

I've had two boyfriends since and "dated" countless boys, but have never felt the same way about anyone since. I tend to get with a guy, date him for like a month and a half or whatever, and then I get over him and break up with him. And it's not like I didn't like them or anything, I'd like them HEAPS at the start, but they'd end up boring me, even though they were perfectly lovely, kind and attractice guys.

I feel a bit like an arsohole sometimes but I figure it's beter than leading them on...

Have I just become a cynacle bitch because I got hurt? lol... I dunno. But I really really wanna fall in love again

 

[loperamide]

Lately I've been a bit concerned. I often hear people say "you never love someone like your first love" and "you'll always have a special place in your heart for your first love". Do you think this is true?

Bit of background on me. I came about about half way through 2007 (when I was 17) and I got a boyfriend pretty much straight away. We ended up falling in love (or at least I ended up falling in love with him) but after 6 months he broke my heart.

I've had two boyfriends since and "dated" countless boys, but have never felt the same way about anyone since. I tend to get with a guy, date him for like a month and a half or whatever, and then I get over him and break up with him. And it's not like I didn't like them or anything, I'd like them HEAPS at the start, but they'd end up boring me, even though they were perfectly lovely, kind and attractice guys.

I feel a bit like an arsohole sometimes but I figure it's beter than leading them on...

Have I just become a cynacle bitch because I got hurt? lol... I dunno. But I really really wanna fall in love again

ZacBoy,

I recently got my heart ripped out for the second time in my life. After my first "love" I thought I would never be able to do it again. Turns out I could, and in fact this last time falling in love was far more intense than the first. Yes you can fall in love again, you probably will. It just isn't something we do often, unless your Lola.

Sorry you got your heart ripped out in the first place.

 

[boredman321]

I know the feeling... i just cant get over him... i put him on a high pedastool and compare everyone to him...

 

[slickery]

You'll never get over it until you stop comparing everyone else you meet to him.

Subconciously a lot of us do it, and in the end it sabatages the chance of feeling the same way for someone new.

You remember how good he made you felt at the highest point in your relationship, and then you expect that of new people. When it doesn't happen immedietly you assume there is nothing there. Just my two cents...

The first guy that I ever loved totally blew me away and made me a bumbling idiot when I first met him, which I still haven't met anyone new who made me feel that way upon first meetings. Then again it may have just been a combination of things, ie the prospect that someone liked me back. Overall though it's placed this standard of "feeling" that is hard to get over, but once you accept the fact that every person is different, you learn to give people a chance rather then make a snap judgement.

 

[Horse90]

I'm with them, the first time is exactly that, the first time. Chocolate is good the first time, but you'll know you can always find one just as good again. It's the same thing here. Sounds like you're having some problems getting over your first boyfriend is what's happening. Next time you're in a relationship, or on a date, just let go. Don't hold back, don't compare them to your first, let them set an entirely new bar. Good luck Zac!

 

[ZacBoy]

Thanks guys for all the advice and stuff

And I don't think it's an issue of "Getting over" my ex, we broke up like a year and a half ago and are just friends now, and I really have no feelings for him at all.

You remember how good he made you felt at the highest point in your relationship, and then you expect that of new people. When it doesn't happen immedietly you assume there is nothing there. Just my two cents...

I think that's a pretty good point... I dunno, I guess I break it off with the other guys because I figure it's better to hurt them a little bit now than to hurt them worse a few months down the track.

 

[KaraBulut]

"you never love someone like your first love"

That's assuming you learn a lesson.

Unfortunately, some people never do.

 

[Seasoned]

There is love and there is limerence and authors have written books explaining the two. Limerence is the early stage of a relationship with some one we are extemely attracted to. It goes away in time, but will have moments of reappearance in a long term loving relationship. Many people confuse love and limerence. Limerence is so powerful some people become addicted to it and are in and out of relationships in order to feel it over and over.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

 

[ZacBoy]

There is love and there is limerence and authors have written books explaining the two. Limerence is the early stage of a relationship with some one we are extemely attracted to. It goes away in time, but will have moments of reappearance in a long term loving relationship. Many people confuse love and limerence. Limerence is so powerful some people become addicted to it and are in and out of relationships in order to feel it over and over.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Um ok I read that and it said that limerence is a "form of romantic love", not that limerence and love are two seperate concepts.

'According to Tennov, there are at least two types of love: limerence, what she calls "loving attachment", and "loving affection," the bond that exists between an individual and his or her parents and children'

 

[7hardinches]

I know the feeling... i just cant get over him... i put him on a high pedastool and compare everyone to him...

omg... i do the same thing.

 

[topherlover555]

i too fear love is something that will weaken the next time.
Bu you'll only know if you meet other people

 

[KLTboy]

You'll always cherish the times you had with the "first." I, too find myself saying no one like Rob will come around... Everyone holds a special place in their heart for the person they first fall for, have sex, etc. The first is very important IMO. You are young, you will definitely meet someone else. You just have to put yourself out there... but don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Also, don't wait for love to come to you... go out there and live your life... when the time's right, things will happen!

 

[DMode4Life]

It takes time to get over your first love. It took me over 2 years to get mine out of my system. I have found other guys I have loved more than my first. I think it is very possible but it takes a lot of patience to find that special someone.

Mark