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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

flame is gone... is there anyway to bring it back?

C

confusedguy89

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Been dating by bf for almost 2 years and recently I just lost the flame. At first, we were on fire, I wanted to be with him, by his side and vice versa. And now, I could do days without talking to him or interacting with him. I'm sexually attracted to him, but emotionally, not so much. Has this happened to you before and did the flame ever come back?
 
Keeping the romance in a relationship is really an art. For example, for some people, it might be effective to try taking a trip somewhere. If another couple did the same thing, it would lead to a fight followed by a break-up. Someone here might have tried lighting a few candles and putting on some nice music, and someone else might try doing the same and get a negative or dismissive reaction. My partner and his wife traveled around buying and selling antiques. We, on the other hand, have a good garden going, and our attempts at selling stuff on eBay were an embarrassing failure.

So what works for whom is very individualistic. It's not really possible to predict what is or isn't going to be effective. Some of the things people might suggest for you to do to try to bring the spark back would be just as likely to piss him off. It's really a lot of trial and error and experimenting to figure out what actually has the effect of bringing the mood back.

Then again, there are a lot of older married gentlemen here who are considerably more experienced than I am, and they might have better advice. They might have some idea as to basic guidelines. I just haven't, from my own limited experience, found anything consistent. Good luck.
 
It's happened to me. After 17 years of a committed relationship the flame went out. It didn't come back.

That was many years ago.

I would not hold my breath waiting.
 
I guess I would have to seriously question if you ever had more than just a sexual attraction.
I have read your 12 posts here and it appears you and he have had issues from the beginning, including a genuine commitment to each other.

Is there a way back? Not if there was nothing real there to start with. Rather than digging through the past, perhaps you should assess where you are today not only as a couple but individually.
 
Communication is key...if you are doing things without communicating your feelings and trying to make things work --is like running into a brick wall over & over again.
 
I don't think you can force a flame to come back, it is either there or it isn't.
 
I'd have to know more before weighing in. Why are you still dating after two years and not living together? Do either of you hold any resentments toward the relationship or each other?
 
The honeymoon is over, after 2 years if you have nothing in common besides sexual attraction then it does not sound like you have a solid relationship. I have no idea how to get your old flame back but try something new you both will like to do.
 
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