Follow Your Dream or Stick With the Scene? (I Need Advice)

[dancedance]

I'm looking for advice, so desperate that I am opening up for the first time to a forum full of guys who have probibly been in my situation before... I'm hoping you have some advice as to which direction I should go.

It's the classic story I'm sure you've heard a thousand times before: I grew up in a small town, knew that I was gay and basically found a way to be okay with myself. In high school, I had all the friends, Student Council president, Prom King runner-up... I basically had what I would consider an ideal high school life because I dedicted myself to it so much. I put a lot in and I got a lot in return.

Then came college.

I applied to a University of Illinois in Chicago and got accepted, but I turned them down basically for monitary reasons. I decided to instead go to WIU, a school that is really close to my hometown.

In a round-about way, I'm figuring out I don't belong here. I've tried their GLBT group and it's nothing like what I expected, nor something that I want to be a part of. The gay population is extremely lacking and school itself is just... blase. I want to be a writer, I want to change the world, I have every neophyte's dream.

I've been wrestling with an option for the past few months: at the end of the second semester, the beginning of next summer, moving to Chicago like I planned. I don't want to do school up there (now) I just want to get away from the area.

Is it crazy?

My parents keep telling me that if I don't graduate collge I'll basically amount to nothing. Scary prospects. I mean, if you think about it, I'm abandoning everything I know-- my friends, family, and life as I know it --and going to "The City" with no job, no apartment, and maybe a pocketful of cash to last me a few weeks.

I just don't know what to do.

Can someone make it alone?
Is it worthwhile?
Should I follow my dreams or buckle down for four years and graduate college here?


Help is much apreciated.

 

[confusedboy23]

Hey, we're glad you've decided to open up to us. We're always here to listen. So, feel free to vent or rant anything that may be bothering you and we'll try our best to help!

OK, to your dilemma. I think it's important for you to decide on your own priorities because they differ from one person to another. One might value education and job prospects more than a life full of friends or the ability to live a particular way. You've mentioned that your current school's LGBT thingy just isn't a very happening place, and I was concerned that you're simply moving away because of that.

It's good to dream and I'm glad to know that you have dreams of making things happen. But I believe there are times when you have to give up on something in order to pursue something.

So, now, do you think you can support yourself in the 'city'? Or, would you be better off finishing off your degree here and at least you will graduate with something in your hands and know that you can pursue something further from there. Do you value security or would you prefer challenges? Think about these issues.

I'm not sure if this is of help, but I wish you all the best.

 

[wentworth]

Why don't you transfer?
You don't have to go to Chicago, you could go elsewhere.

 

[M4P]

Hey dancedance,

I'm glad you posted.

Following your dreams is important but I think you need a plan. Are you thinking of exploring life in the big city with the intention of returning to college next year? Do you have skills that will get you a reasonably well paying job? There is a lot to consider when making a move.

Whatever you choose I wish you the best of luck

 

[jockboy01]

To me, this looks like a case of running from something more than running to something. In my experience, it doesn't work too well. If you had a solid plan for Chicago or something worth going for, I'd say go for it and best of luck to you. But it seems to me that you're more running from your current life. And I think you'll find that running doesn't really work that well. My advice would be to start work on building the life you want to live (even if only temporarily) where you are now. Or else, start looking for a plan elsewhere. Just my thoughts, although my running from things did end up working out okay, I realized that I never really got away from what I was running from.... aka myself.

 

[drhladnjak]

First, not graduating from college will not automatically make you amount to nothing. It all depends on what you do if you leave college. Will you go back? Will you take one class a semester part time until you're ready to return to full-time status? Will you work hard to build your writing career outside of school? Those are the kinds of questions you need to think about before you leave.

Having a plan is definitely a good idea. For example, you'll want to know where you'll live at first and what kind of realistic job opportunities you'll pursue. The older you get, the harder it is to pull up stakes and move somewhere new. Because of that, it's probably best to do this while you're young.

Jockboy01 makes a good point about running away from things. I'm not sure that's applicable to you though. You seem bored in your current location. It's just not the life you want to live right now. Seeking out a life where you can meet a broader variety of gay people, enjoy nightlife beyond the occasional kegger and explore your options in life is very different than, say, attempting to run away from emotional problems.

If you do leave and then later go back to school, you'll almost certainly have more focus and motivation because you'll have seen how your options were limited outside academia. Or maybe you'll find more options outside, in which case you'll be glad you left school.

Personally, I think it's worth it to take these kinds of risks. If you don't go, you might always wonder what life in "the city" would be like. I've moved around a few times--going to Europe, then back to the US, then to the east coast and back to the west coast again. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything, although I'm hoping to stay in one place for a while now.

If things work out in the city, you'll have new found independence and a confidence that you can make it on your own (a great feeling and very valuable skill). If they don't work out, remember you can always move back.

 

[spreadeagle]

You don't say what you're studying at college - I assume it's not writing. There are many universities that offer exciting writing programmes both at undergraduate and post graduate level. it's pointless in spending four years at University studying subjects that you don't feel passionate about. If you want to be a writer but decide to stay where you are for now you should be doing papers like English literature, languages, psychology that will feed into your avocation.

Every writer needs some experience of real life and many universities recommend that students take at least a year off to engage with the real world (as in 'get a job or travel') between school and University; in England they call it a Gap year.

Leaving college now would in no way diminish your chances of completing a degree later in life. Many universities give credit for practical work experience in fields related to the course of study you're undertaking. Mature students are more focused, have better study habits and engage more confidently in discussion than young students.

It's hard to make a living as a writer so it's sensible to try and find a secure source of income that provides a decent living while still leaving you sufficient free time and energy for writing each day.

 

[dancedance]

Okay, I seriously want to just say a really sincere "thank you" to everyone that's replied... it's such a relief that everyone won't roll their eyes and say "leave college, leave your future."

I'm not really running away from anything emotional, per se, it's more of just being bored with the same life. I've done this before. College is like high school with more people and I feel like at right now I'm just not very into it and my aspirations are elsewhere. It's like waiting in line. I think that I know that I'll make the move eventually, I just don't want to wait four years to do it. On the other hand, I feel like if I don't take the risk and I don't make the move, I'll never have the chance again.

Right now, I'm thinking of continuing to work at my two jobs through the end of this year and the spring of next, possibly moving up there at the beginning of the summer.

I've tried to talk to my mom about it, because she is a huge part of my life. She is just so scared about everything involved in the move. She'll always support me, but she wants the best life for me possible. I just don't like telling her, "well, I'm trading in this pretty standard life at college to go to a place where I don't know a soul and have no job -- by the way, I'm dropping out of college. If it all backfires, well, you know..." There's just so much riding on the line, I guess. I can see where she comes from and that's weighing heavily into my decission.

What it comes down to, though, is me. I've got to do it for me.

Thanks again to everyone, and if you have more advice, I'd love to hear it! Does anyone who has made a similar move have any pointers on what to do? I'll most likely have to find a roommate (who will most likely be someone that I've never met before).

 

[drhladnjak]

You're right, it is something you just have to do for yourself. I think you'll find that most people are perfectly content staying in their rut. That works for them though and they may have trouble understanding why it doesn't for you. After reading what you wrote in that last reply, I think your reasons for wanting to leave are reasonable. I know it's scary, but like I said, what's the worst that can happen? You go off, decide you don't like it, move back and start school again possibly missing only a semester. And even in that scenario, at least you'd know you'd rather be back in your mundane old life and out of the city.

Obviously, it's best if you can find somebody you know (or at least a friend of a friend) to live with. However, that's not really all that realistic sometimes. For searching out roommates, craigslist would be a good starting point.

I'd recommend not locking yourself into a long term lease if you can help it (look for a month-to-month arrangement). That way, if you and your roommates don't get along, you can find somewhere else to live more quickly.

If possible, I'd recommend looking for a roommate with whom you can have a positive business-like relationship with. You want somebody who's going to pay their share of the bills on time, somebody you can get along with, somebody you don't mind hanging out with occassionally. This person doesn't need to be (and maybe shouldn't ever be) your best friend, but you should be able to get along. Avoid people who are "your type" (you don't want to fall for a roommate) or don't share your beliefs on cleanliness and order.

Don't be afraid to ask questions of prospective roommates. What times are you usually awake? Do you have friends over often? How much do the utilities usually run? Do we split them equally or is it included in my rent? I'm gay--will it be a problem for you when I bring guys over? With respect to that last question (and this being JUB), I'd recommend being frank and direct about your sexuality when you meet just to make sure it doesn't become a problem later. Most people might answer in a positive manner even if they're not that ok with it (lest they appear intolerant) so you might want to notice HOW they respond as much if not more than what they actually say in their response.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Yeah, you do not like it in your small town, and so, it is the time to move on.

And, yeah, life is worth living, only if you can follow some of your dreams.

But, you do need a PLAN. A very good one, called PLAN A and substitutes like in 'Plan B' and 'Plan C'.

Hope is not a plan.

You do not want to give up on your college that easy either. Get yourself transferred. Give it a try somewhere else. College degrees are getting more useless by the day, but they still might be the only way to open certain doors and gain some access.

Yup, keep as many jobs as you can and save up as much as you can. Nothing comes in handier, when it comes to fulfilling your dreams than: hard cash. Amen.

Do not rush, where even angels fear to tread... . Pack up and do some exploration. Make sure, you want to spend next few years braving Chicago winters and going thru it all. Once you have chosen to set your mind on something as serious as moving and starting your life somewhere else, make sure that you do a reasonable amount of honest and due diligence. Liking something is not a reason good enough.

See, if you really like it and see, if you can really afford it. Make sure, it is viable and it makes sense in your books.

Last but not least: Network. Connect. Do your best to establish some sort of local contacts and links. Knowing the right people at the right time can be practically priceless.

SC

 

[3nipples]

You had all summer to think and plan but instead you waited until the start of the school year to become desperate for a change?

My advice is to start and finish the current year and during this time plan your move for the next year, keeping in mind also, in case you decide for a gap year, what you intend to do afterwards.

 

[tallguy297]

G'day Dancedance,

Mate...silly question...just what is your dream???? You're talking about moving to Chicago...but why? Whats there that isnt where you are? What are you pursuing??? Do you have something in mind or is it a new begining?

If this is just a grass is greener scenario...the thought of something new and exciting... a word of advice. It very rarely is. As stupid as this sounds - where you are is what you make it...its really about your state of mind. Its about the people you surround yourself and the choices you make on a daily basis.

In no way am I advocating that you stay at college....thats a choice only you can make. Will you be a failure if you dont stay in college...hell no! In the great wash up of who is successfull, it means squat. Your dedication, dilligence and values at whatever you choose to do will be what makes you successful. Degrees without enthusiasm and dedication are worthless. Success is how you view it...a happy life of contentment may be your dream...if it is pursue it with vigour.

You are young mate...take one day and one decision at a time. Nothing is permenant...you can always change your mind. But know why it is you are making the decision you do....think it through. Seeking the advice of others is a great thing to do...but ultimatley its your choice. Just make one change at a time...and see how you feel. You have all the time in the world....enjoy it!