For those of you who've had relationships . . .

[Martkell2007]

Lately my boyfriend has done things that pisses me off and he doesn't seem to realize it. I feel like I want to explode, but I hold it back because I don't want a dramatic episode. We've had issues but never a fight and we're still in the early stages of our relationship, only 4 months. I don't want to derail our relationship by bringing up things he probably sees as trivial, but if I don't resolve these things in my heart I'll end up enraged against him to the point of hatred.

1) I work on the computer with programming and web design. I made a separate admin account with my own name/password so I wouldn't clutter his desktop as he said I did. He changed the password on his computer and downgraded the account I created from admin status without notice. I changed it back to an admin account a few days ago to do work, and now I've found that he's changed it back and made a new password. I can't download or connect to my sites using FTP, hence I can't work.

2) He threw out my chinese food I just bought. I was going to eat that for breakfast. I can deal with this, but it annoys me.

3) He doesn't want me to masturbate but we only have sex once a week. What in the hell does he expect me to do?!?!?! He knows I have a strong sex drive.

4) There was a show on about best friends. When I asked him who his best friend was, he didn't say it was me. My feelings were hurt, but I didn't say anything and I'm trying to rationalize his response.

There is no drop in our affection towards each other, but I've lowered it myself. I was disgusted by his lack of consideration so I didn't touch him, kiss him, or really talk to him yesterday or this morning, which isn't a way to handle things, but I'm just so upset.

And the funny thing about it is that he still cooked me dinner and kissed me goodbye like nothing was wrong, and the fact that he acted like he didn't see I was upset irriated me even more.

Has anyone else had a good realtionship but your boyfriend was just so inconsiderate? And what did you do about it?

 

[paul-dan]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

Since you are into a 4 month relationship you are just really getting to know each other..as for your problems..1..Buy yourself a computer..dont share..both of us have our own although we do share occasionally and we do know each others passwords as we have nothing to hide..I know my partner has things on his I have no interest in and dont want mine cluttered with it..and vice versa..2. Did you tell him not to throw it away..maybe he smelt it and thought it was bad...We tell each other these things just as common courtesy..3..cant help you there as both of our sex drives are about the same..the only thing I can suggest is to talk openly and honestlyabout your lack of sex..but one question ..are you doing the cam thing of to pics? If cam I understand his reasoning..have you ever asked him what he likes..dont asume suck and fuck only..he may have a side to him you are unaware of and he might be afraid to bring it up for fear you will think he is "sick and perverted"..as with any relationship its a give and take..you havent reached that point yet.we didnt get there overnight eitther..took time...and I am not my partners best friend..I know that he knows that..and I am ok with that...we are more than that to each other..BTW I have been with him 22 yrs so I know of what I speak!

 

[tmb1]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

why arent you talking to him about these things instead of us. Hes the one you are in the relationship with. And with some of your issues it sounds like you are expecting him to be able to read your mind.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

My observations on human nature have shown me that people tend to bitch to everybody except to the person who can solve the problem.

tmb's right. Don't tell us. Tell HIM.

Part of being in a relationship is finding out that you do things differently. When I started dating this one guy, I treated his birthday like I've always had mine treated - no big deal. You say happy birthday, you plan to go out to dinner, that's it. But he expected me to treat it like HE always treated his birthday - by taking the day off and spending it entirely with him. He thought I was being extremely insensitive. Was I? I certainly didn't think so - to me, that's just not what you do on birthdays. But once I learned that his expectations were different than mine, we worked out a planon how to celebrate our birthdays.

Your boyfriend didn't throw out your Chinese food to piss you off, or make you go hungry. He was cleaning. He was keeping the fridge from getting smelly. I can guarantee you he thought he was helping.

He no doubt can go survive on one orgasm a week, and so he feels you can too. Explain that you can't. Tell him you have an active sex drive, and like to have at least one orgasm a day (or whatever). He can either coax it out of you, or you'll coax it out of yourself - up to him.

The best friends thing? Sounds like you were fishing. You wanted him to say "You're my best friend in the world", and so laid out some bait hoping he'd do so. Then, when he didn't, you were crushed. People don't always respond like we want them to. Did you tell HIM that he was YOUR best friend?

Chances are you're pissing him off just as much as he is you. And chances are you'd be stunned at what's pissing him off. Try to be more open about things, about what's bothering you, about how you'd like things to be. Drop the passive-aggressive "sucking-it-up" routine. If you say "nothing's wrong", you can't then blame him for believing you.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

The two of you are fighting over petty shit.

That's not a good sign. It usually means there's a bigger issue at the root of everything.

It's easier to have fights over this kind of BS than it is to deal with the real problem in the relationship.

So what's the real issue?

 

[Seasoned]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

Talk, talk, and talk some more about everything.

 

[joshk]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

Chances are you're pissing him off just as much as he is you. And chances are you'd be stunned at what's pissing him off. Try to be more open about things, about what's bothering you, about how you'd like things to be. Drop the passive-aggressive "sucking-it-up" routine. If you say "nothing's wrong", you can't then blame him for believing you.

Tell him and ask him. And try NOT to treat anything that he tells you as an accusation. You're not accusing him, just trying to understand how he sees things, so he's not accusing you.
When I criticize something my boyfriend does, I expect him to understand my desire to improve our relationship and get things into the open. When my boyfriend criticizes anything I do, I automatically take it personally. . . . and then have to think it through and accept.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

Great advice here.

1 Talk. Do not suck it up and bottle the aggression up for future use.

2 State your cause. This relationship is supposed to make you happy and it will, if you manage to articulate your needs and desires and meet his, too.

3 Organize your life. Do not share a desk or a computer. If you really have to, make sure that you create the rules of engagement and that both of you stick with them for as long as it is absolutely needed.

4 Never create the impression that you are willing to 'suffer' in order to maintain your relationship. Take an active approach and make sure, he sees that you are actively working to secure your common future.

5 No issue is to small or too big to be discussed, if it irritates you or him in any way.

SC

 

[xi3100]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

let me tell you... im in a ltr and its been going on for a year and 3 months. He and i fought so many times about the smallest things. i guess you just have to deal with it if you love him. if anything im the one that always in need for sex and angry but i got use to it and i just ignored the problem i do what i got to do even if he gets mad, that does not mean to go out there and cheat on him. but yea, and if he gets mad he needs to eithier come up with a plan so you will be happy cuz it is not all about him.

 

[bluedragon4]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

People do not change unless they change themselves due to some huge catastrophe. This petty shit will only grow bigger. I knew my ex had money problems and didn't handle it. 5 years later i am in debt. These things only grow. Do you guys live together? 4 months of dating is crazy to already be in a place together. Move fast and burn out quicker. I am like you and little shit builds up in me. I never say anything cause I figure it's little petty stuff. But my anger wells up to the point that I will explode after so long. And exploding and holding stuff in is not healthy. He will turn it around and blame you.

 

[KennyD]

Re: For those of you who've had relationships . .

Try TALKING to him !! COMMUNICATION is THE key to a successful relationship . IF you guys can't communicate with each other and understand ... You are doomed from the start ..