boy0boy
Porn Star
Well the entire reason I came out. A boy, we'll call "Alex." I kinda admitted my "love" for him. He didn't feel the same way so we stopped really talking.
I guess to sum it up, it was like the opening of the movie "Hitch" when he says "like any late bloomer, I was eager to catch up." And he does something similar when he tells her he loves her and shes all weirded out because he says it so fast. Well, that was kinda the situation except we didn't date or even kiss or anything it just ended when it snapped in my head that he didn't feel the same. I ended up telling him all this, a good lyric that helped me through it was "its only love if your loved back."
So other than coming out to him who came from the same small town, I told a few people who I trust. But it really is an embarassing situation, I mean, I was so new to all my feelings and fighting with being gay and accepting it and opening up for a relationship and I just regret it all terribly. So, after time and sorting through my emotions I know what I "loved" about Alex. It was the fact that he was everything I was not. Openly out, accepted, hooked up regularly. And at that time of my life I was dealing with accepting all that about myself, and since I had previously had a crush on him I projected this "false love" onto him. So we have this mutual friend named "Kathy." More his friend, or him and her are closer, but they always fight and say they hate each other and then get back and are bff's so I'm use to it. The thing is they tell each other everything and then when they fight, they always talk about how much they know about the other one, so then all the secrets get dug up and thrown around. Well Alex told Kathy about my little confession, which I new would happen so I don't really care only problem is, Kathy recently (thanks to the wonderful myspace) became friends with my sister-in-law. So the other night I get a call from her, we'll call her "Cindy." So she calls me and is all "just so you know, alex is going around telling people you confessed your love for him."
So many problems with this. Well she said she didn't believe it or rather I could tell, and more, she said Kathy didn't even believe him when he told her. But I didn't want to lie so I never during the conversation denied it. But more! I find out, since Kathy was eager to spill all of Alex's secrets, that Alex has a crush or had or possibly still has a crush on my brother! And he was talking crap about Cindy because when my brother visited me in my dorms, Alex had been staying there and my bro and Cindy were fighting. So Alex says he doesn't like Cindy and Kathy tells all of this to Cindy.
Yeah it should be a sitcom I know. So here is where my problem lies. I think I need to just come clean with my sister-in-law, which means coming out to my family. The way I see it, if my mom finds out I told Cindy before her, that would hurt her feelings, that I trusted her more you know? But I've come to believe that my best opening is to message my brother, who is in Iraq, and come out first to him. Out of all of my family I know that he will have my back completely. Then he can help me come out to our mom, and then my sister-in-law. She grew up with a close minded dad so I think it might be harder for her, not that she wont love me, just you know she doesn't accept it fully. But nobody in my immediate family would hate me or disown me just I wouldn't want it to make us grow apart, which isn't likely to happen.
It just feels like I have a weight on me now, because of the small town people involved and kinda my sis-in-law, I feel like now this rumor is gonna start and whatever.... So any thoughts? I really think I'm gonna go with it, like I planned above.
I guess to sum it up, it was like the opening of the movie "Hitch" when he says "like any late bloomer, I was eager to catch up." And he does something similar when he tells her he loves her and shes all weirded out because he says it so fast. Well, that was kinda the situation except we didn't date or even kiss or anything it just ended when it snapped in my head that he didn't feel the same. I ended up telling him all this, a good lyric that helped me through it was "its only love if your loved back."
So other than coming out to him who came from the same small town, I told a few people who I trust. But it really is an embarassing situation, I mean, I was so new to all my feelings and fighting with being gay and accepting it and opening up for a relationship and I just regret it all terribly. So, after time and sorting through my emotions I know what I "loved" about Alex. It was the fact that he was everything I was not. Openly out, accepted, hooked up regularly. And at that time of my life I was dealing with accepting all that about myself, and since I had previously had a crush on him I projected this "false love" onto him. So we have this mutual friend named "Kathy." More his friend, or him and her are closer, but they always fight and say they hate each other and then get back and are bff's so I'm use to it. The thing is they tell each other everything and then when they fight, they always talk about how much they know about the other one, so then all the secrets get dug up and thrown around. Well Alex told Kathy about my little confession, which I new would happen so I don't really care only problem is, Kathy recently (thanks to the wonderful myspace) became friends with my sister-in-law. So the other night I get a call from her, we'll call her "Cindy." So she calls me and is all "just so you know, alex is going around telling people you confessed your love for him."
So many problems with this. Well she said she didn't believe it or rather I could tell, and more, she said Kathy didn't even believe him when he told her. But I didn't want to lie so I never during the conversation denied it. But more! I find out, since Kathy was eager to spill all of Alex's secrets, that Alex has a crush or had or possibly still has a crush on my brother! And he was talking crap about Cindy because when my brother visited me in my dorms, Alex had been staying there and my bro and Cindy were fighting. So Alex says he doesn't like Cindy and Kathy tells all of this to Cindy.
Yeah it should be a sitcom I know. So here is where my problem lies. I think I need to just come clean with my sister-in-law, which means coming out to my family. The way I see it, if my mom finds out I told Cindy before her, that would hurt her feelings, that I trusted her more you know? But I've come to believe that my best opening is to message my brother, who is in Iraq, and come out first to him. Out of all of my family I know that he will have my back completely. Then he can help me come out to our mom, and then my sister-in-law. She grew up with a close minded dad so I think it might be harder for her, not that she wont love me, just you know she doesn't accept it fully. But nobody in my immediate family would hate me or disown me just I wouldn't want it to make us grow apart, which isn't likely to happen.
It just feels like I have a weight on me now, because of the small town people involved and kinda my sis-in-law, I feel like now this rumor is gonna start and whatever.... So any thoughts? I really think I'm gonna go with it, like I planned above.
Telling the family is the hardest thing you ever have to do in life. I'm proud of you! I hope your good luck continues and as for your old crush....good that you didn't hook up with him. Based on your avatar I don't think you'll be single for too long! 