subfer1
.:fuck y'all:.
Ok, so I've been single for several years now after having a very unsuccesful first relationship right after graduating high school. I had tried to look for a boyfriend after that, but I now know that my self esteem was shattered after how bad my first relationship ended. So now I'm 23 and I have been single for about 4 and a half years. When I started out on JUB my self esteem was pretty bad and most of the people I met back then tell me they notice a change in how I am now, which makes me feel a lot better because I know I have come a long way.
The problem is, I still don't know how to approach guys that I like. In the last couple of years, I saw several guys I like start dating someone else because I couldn't bring myself to tell them that I liked them. I tend to feel more confident about expressing my thoughts and feelings when I am writing, so I tried to do it while chatting with them on msn but I still couldn't... Some of my friends tried to encourage me, they told me I am attractive and that the worst that could happen was for me to be rejected, but I still didn't have the balls to do it. So a few weeks ago, I started chatting with a guy, the only one in the chatroom who wasn't asking for a quickie, and we hit it off pretty soon.
When we were chatting on msn, he mentioned a few times that he thought I was good looking, that he liked my hair and the like, and I first thought he was shitting me (bad self esteem), but then I listened to my friends and said, if he does, I'll risk it, so one day I told him I really liked him too, it took me quite some time, but I did and he was very happy because he thought I hadn't liked him and didn't know how to say it (I was close to screwing it up). I guess I didn't think he would like me, he is amazingly handsome (at least to me) and it was kind of hard for me to process that he actually did.
So, I came up with the courage and asked him out last week, it turned out that he couldn't because of school, but I somehow felt like he had rejected me (again with the self esteem) I thought he just didn't really want to, so I sulked for the rest of the week. We kept chatting and he was still treating me the same, but I thought he was just being friendly. Then last weekend he suddenly says he doesn't have class on this past tuesday and asks if we can go out for a coffee or something. I felt both thrilled and terrified, but I said yes, my whole body screamed yes so I aggreed and he seemed to be very excited about it.
Tuesday afternoon came and I got to the place where we were supposed to meet, I was there early and I was very nervous, I kept walking around the building trying to see if he had gotten there, but he wasn't there, and after pacing around for a while, I made myself calm down and sat down for a while and listened to music. That helped me relax until it was time. So I got up and looked around, I saw a guy who looked similar sitting on a bench outside the building, he was freaking gorgeous, and it took me a few seconds to realize that it was him. Then I kind of panicked, I thought he would not want to stick around after meeting me (self esteem issues making my life miserable again) so I started pacing around again. Then I saw him move, he couldn't see me from where I was, but I thought he was going to leave, so without thinking I just started walking towards him. He glanced my way and then looked at me and the most beautiful smile formed on his face. He got up and stretched out his hand for me to shake, but after we shook hands we both gave another step and had one of those straight-guy hugs while keeping little contact. I think his smile made all of my fears go away.
We spent a wonderful afternoon talking about everything we could, we had coffee and then a brownie later on, we walked around the campus of my university and then we stopped at this plaza close to the library where I used to work in, I kept thinking of how much I wanted to kiss him, even just one small peck on his cheek, but I didn't have the balls to do it. After it got dark, he suddenly asked what time it was and we realized that we'd spent 6 hours just talking. We were both amazed at that and then had to run for him to catch the last bus that goes around his place. When we found it, he asked me if I would go out with him again on Friday (tomorrow) and I said I could (I dunno why I played hard to get) and he said he hoped I did. When he said good night, I came forward and wrapped my arms around him (he's like 5'7-5'8, so his head was against my chest and shoulder) and he wrapped his arms around me and held me. I just about died and wanted to kiss him so bad, but then the bus driver honked (meaning that he was leaving) so we parted and he left.
He is very shy, and he had told me before, he said he could say many things through IM but that in person he could barely say what he felt. So, later on when he got home he told me he'd had an amazing time with me and that he hoped I could go out with him on friday, so I just told him I was going, that I checked and had nothing important to do, so he got very excited. We've chatted more since then and I think we both are very excited about tomorrow, but last night I had the balls to tell him that I had almost kissed him when he was about to get on the bus and he said he had wanted to but was afraid I didn't want to (why wouldnt't I????) so it seems as if we both want to take it a little further, but neither knows how...
So, here's the big question: any advice on how I could try kissing him without me dying of nervousness or him feeling like I'm coming on too strong?
The problem is, I still don't know how to approach guys that I like. In the last couple of years, I saw several guys I like start dating someone else because I couldn't bring myself to tell them that I liked them. I tend to feel more confident about expressing my thoughts and feelings when I am writing, so I tried to do it while chatting with them on msn but I still couldn't... Some of my friends tried to encourage me, they told me I am attractive and that the worst that could happen was for me to be rejected, but I still didn't have the balls to do it. So a few weeks ago, I started chatting with a guy, the only one in the chatroom who wasn't asking for a quickie, and we hit it off pretty soon.
When we were chatting on msn, he mentioned a few times that he thought I was good looking, that he liked my hair and the like, and I first thought he was shitting me (bad self esteem), but then I listened to my friends and said, if he does, I'll risk it, so one day I told him I really liked him too, it took me quite some time, but I did and he was very happy because he thought I hadn't liked him and didn't know how to say it (I was close to screwing it up). I guess I didn't think he would like me, he is amazingly handsome (at least to me) and it was kind of hard for me to process that he actually did.
So, I came up with the courage and asked him out last week, it turned out that he couldn't because of school, but I somehow felt like he had rejected me (again with the self esteem) I thought he just didn't really want to, so I sulked for the rest of the week. We kept chatting and he was still treating me the same, but I thought he was just being friendly. Then last weekend he suddenly says he doesn't have class on this past tuesday and asks if we can go out for a coffee or something. I felt both thrilled and terrified, but I said yes, my whole body screamed yes so I aggreed and he seemed to be very excited about it.
Tuesday afternoon came and I got to the place where we were supposed to meet, I was there early and I was very nervous, I kept walking around the building trying to see if he had gotten there, but he wasn't there, and after pacing around for a while, I made myself calm down and sat down for a while and listened to music. That helped me relax until it was time. So I got up and looked around, I saw a guy who looked similar sitting on a bench outside the building, he was freaking gorgeous, and it took me a few seconds to realize that it was him. Then I kind of panicked, I thought he would not want to stick around after meeting me (self esteem issues making my life miserable again) so I started pacing around again. Then I saw him move, he couldn't see me from where I was, but I thought he was going to leave, so without thinking I just started walking towards him. He glanced my way and then looked at me and the most beautiful smile formed on his face. He got up and stretched out his hand for me to shake, but after we shook hands we both gave another step and had one of those straight-guy hugs while keeping little contact. I think his smile made all of my fears go away.
We spent a wonderful afternoon talking about everything we could, we had coffee and then a brownie later on, we walked around the campus of my university and then we stopped at this plaza close to the library where I used to work in, I kept thinking of how much I wanted to kiss him, even just one small peck on his cheek, but I didn't have the balls to do it. After it got dark, he suddenly asked what time it was and we realized that we'd spent 6 hours just talking. We were both amazed at that and then had to run for him to catch the last bus that goes around his place. When we found it, he asked me if I would go out with him again on Friday (tomorrow) and I said I could (I dunno why I played hard to get) and he said he hoped I did. When he said good night, I came forward and wrapped my arms around him (he's like 5'7-5'8, so his head was against my chest and shoulder) and he wrapped his arms around me and held me. I just about died and wanted to kiss him so bad, but then the bus driver honked (meaning that he was leaving) so we parted and he left.
He is very shy, and he had told me before, he said he could say many things through IM but that in person he could barely say what he felt. So, later on when he got home he told me he'd had an amazing time with me and that he hoped I could go out with him on friday, so I just told him I was going, that I checked and had nothing important to do, so he got very excited. We've chatted more since then and I think we both are very excited about tomorrow, but last night I had the balls to tell him that I had almost kissed him when he was about to get on the bus and he said he had wanted to but was afraid I didn't want to (why wouldnt't I????) so it seems as if we both want to take it a little further, but neither knows how...
So, here's the big question: any advice on how I could try kissing him without me dying of nervousness or him feeling like I'm coming on too strong?
