The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Friend does not remember of me...

N

new86

Sex God
Joined
Jun 2, 2005
Posts
507
Reaction score
1
Points
0
Location
Lugano
So in addiction to the "outing case" at school (best known as the "party&chair case") i had a fight with a friend of mine.

I know him since 2 1/2 years. At first we did sports together so we saw each other every week. In addicton we wrote emails to each other, we met outside the sport and so on.
Things changed with time.
We stopped sport. So time goes by and he has moments when he writes and we meet and others when he disappears. Last time in october. I wrote an email telling him i missed him. No answer but we started seeing each other again rarely.

So I ask him to meet after work/school (we live 1 km far from each other). His answer: from monday to thursday I can't: unihockey, dancing, football, squash, gym. On the weekend he is somtimes away and I have to work on project. So little time.

Last saturday he says to me "i got this meeting, then i write and we meet" 8 days are gone and he didn't texted me anymore.

It is some time this thing is bad for me... But I dind't want end my friendship, I mean we were close, he helped me a lot, he gave me lots... it was hard, but today I took my decision:

So today it is his birthday. I send him a text saying "I hope you are not partying your bd at that meeting". He answers as he does not know what I'm talking about. So i got really angry and told him "It is clear you have things more important than me" His answer: "I have bad memory. I do this with everyone" My answer: "It is cool when your supposed-to-be-friends forget about you, thanks".

And he comes out with the shocking aswer: "Forgetting to write back or calling does not mean I don't think about you".

I say: WTF? So a frienship is alive when the ones involved it it think to the other, not writes, sees, meets, has dinner or cinema with the other? I am not convinced by it.

What do you think?
 
no no your english does not suck (said from someone who likes the language ;)

Ok he may be busy. He may have (he has!) problems with the boyfriend. That's not an excuse to meet just 3 times in 7 months! (consider that we live veeery close!). And that to meet him i have to go at his worklace for a coffee. So *I* have to move.
 
exactly you got it!
He may have forgotten... but in 8 days you have time ti write "hey sorry i was busy bla bla". It is the lack if intererest he shows in continuing the friendship that makes me feel bad and angry and willing to end it.
 
the fact is that in october I already did this... nothing has changed :(^so should i try to tell him again? uhm..
 
Not sure why, but it seems like more and more people no longer follow the basic courtesy of returning a call or following through with plans to get together. I still tend to drop those people as friends though. Don't take it personally!!!
 
Maybe he is trying to re-invent himself and it may not include you as an integral part of his new persona.
 
moschj said:
Not sure why, but it seems like more and more people no longer follow the basic courtesy of returning a call or following through with plans to get together. I still tend to drop those people as friends though. Don't take it personally!!!
Click to expand...

I do agree with this in a way. Even if he thinks about you (that's what he said-true or lie), you dont really care that much since you dont have him around. What's the reason of waiting someone to interact (whenever he decides it is good for him to do it) all that time?

I dont say thinking (if it is true and not a polite reject) is bad, on the contrary is positive energy but you want more that that, right? ;)

So go out and find it. You know i have a very good feeling about you. I really feel pretty soon you will bypass this initial numb and when you find your way, friends and enemies will regret treating you like this (with regards to your other thread).

..|
 
I think you're being obsessive and too needy.

He obviously doesn't want to spend a lot of time with you.

Be mature and let him go. Spend your time and energy making friends that really want to spend time together.
 
Well, people have different priorities at different stages of their lives. You'll have to accept that you're not on the same page at this moment. You want to meet up more often but he doesn't.

The fact is, you've only known him for about 2 years and you've not been seeing each other very often. You see, an average person with facebook, myspace, twitter would have easily a few hundred friends (some even have thousands). If each of them would like to meet up once every 3 months, you'd have to see 4 different friends every single night.

Some of the friends I used to see everyday only meet up maybe once a year (sometime once in a few years) after we've separated.

Getting angry at him is only made it WORSE. He has problems with his bf and this could well be the reason as I see it.

Just move on unless you would have to savage this friendship.
 
I have no idea why you feel it necessary to contact him on his birthday to throw a hissy fit about how he can't fit you into his schedule.

His actions speak extremely loudly. He's not that interested in you. Give up. Move on.

Lex
 
You said it yourself: You used to DO sports together. Look at his schedule, he's got some activity practically every day. Presumably he also has school and romantic interests to persue.

He may well still consider himself your friend and in theory he would like to do something with you, but when he's juggling his activities on the calendar, you fall down the priority list.

The answer for you isn't to have a hissy fit, but to find a way to fit yourself into his schedule, ie, by doing the same activities... or let go of him.
 
I understand what everyone's point is, by why are people such assholes. I mean, do you treat your friends like this?

I had a friend that would call and text everyday and the one second his situation changes it's like we're not friends anymore.

I agree that you should move on, but I think people like that (if any posters who posted on this thread are) are gonna be in for some rude kharma in the future.
 
I've had it happen to me. I've had a guy say he still wanted to be friends, but gee his schedule was insane, and not this week, and next week wasn't looking good. I said that's cool - call me when you have time. He finally did, months and months later. Was I hurt it took so long? No, because I didn't spend that time waiting for a phone call. I spent it developing relationships with people who weren't as busy as him.

Lex
 
I had a friend that would call and text everyday
Click to expand...

No. You had an acquaintance who had nothing better to do and then when he did, he just dropped you. A friend doesn't. It is the problem with the young. You confuse being friendly with being a friend.

People who push themselves at someone are likely to end up driving them away, particularly if they start throwing tantrums that are more befitting a ten year old than an adult.

Trust us Spencer. We already are experiencing our Karma.
 
Ok so each of you say things partially true but also partially false.

Moschj: yep, he texted me saying he does this with everyone. And then? Is this an excuse? It only shows he is not very interest in any of these people (in fact he has not lots of friends as you would think: Facebook friends are NOT REAL FRIENDS in most cases, the bar friends are not the one you would aks for suggestions and intimate problems, sport collegues are not again...

Horschallen: I just realized he did the same think with his ex-boyfriend. He didn't have the courage to tell him it was over, so he cheated on him and then lead him to find it out... letting the relationship die by itself. And it seems he did teh same to me.

Zeus007: yep, I don't need to see him every day, to text him everyday, to call him everyday... it would be annoying ;) But i need to meet him sometimes, drink a coffee, go out together, do something... he has never time! The only way for me to see him is go at his workplace for a brief coffee... this means for me more than 30 + 30 minutes by train without even knowing if he will have more than 10 minutes to see me because he has to go back to work. I am not complainig, I would do this and more to meet a real friend but hey... you gotta do something, too!

ps: You are right because it is some time I wanted to say it to him and always waited and hoped... not anymore!! maybe what happened at school made me more... uhm stronger? ;)

Rareboy: well some time ago he WNATED to spend time with me. He called at saturday to invite me out, and so on. Then it changed gradually.

10881088: As i said before, twitter, FB and bla bla friends are not equally real friends... some are, the majority aren't. I agree life changes so oce you meet everyday then it changes... ok. But it is strange that you come living so close to me and we meet and see waaaay less than when we were farther and when I didn't drive and it was more difficult to meet logistically. I told him more than once "hey now I drive, let's meet sometimes in the evening or so". He has no time...
ps: the problems with his BF started 2 years ago when they got together and continue today. This is not my problem.. I mean, this does not stop him to go away for 2 weeks alone in america, to go on weekends and so on. BUT it stops him to see me? uhm... this shows, again, he does not care.

G-Lexington: I just wishen him happy birthday telling him i hoped he was not still at that meeting. It is his reaction that got me angry: he was making as nothing happened my gosh! as he never told me "we'll meet later" a week before!

3nipples: I TRIED to fit in his schedule. He has no time for me, fullstop. And again: "in theory" is not for real. I can love Marco Dapper, it does not mean I am fiancèe with him (unfortunately;))
 
Well, at least you know by now how unimportant you are in his life. I'm not trying to welcome his kind of behaviour. It's just that i find a lot of people are like this these days.

I used to ride a 4-hour train every month to see a friend. He gradually got more and more busy, so I sent him text and called him to see if he would be available. Hoping and waiting, until at one point he decided he was too "busy" for me to fit into his life.

There isn't much we can do at all. Just dust ourselves and move on.
 
I hate to say this, but sometimes, if you keep placing expectations on your friends, you'll be disappointed at some point.

Not all friendships last forever, and change when circumstances change. Some *do* last forever, and you know which ones they are.

The ones that are in synch with our needs and vice versa, *tend to be your true friends. The ones that seem a little bit stressful, or more work than others, I tend to let go.
 
rareboy said:
No. You had an acquaintance who had nothing better to do and then when he did, he just dropped you. A friend doesn't. It is the problem with the young. You confuse being friendly with being a friend.

People who push themselves at someone are likely to end up driving them away, particularly if they start throwing tantrums that are more befitting a ten year old than an adult.

Trust us Spencer. We already are experiencing our Karma.
Click to expand...

Yeah, he was the best friend faker ever, came and visited me and everything. Came on my birthday and came on his birthday and he had one of the best times of his life (even blogged about it and posted pictures) He was a good friend. Was is the applicable word, I guess. There's a special place in, your life will suck, for people like that

BTW, I also had a friend of many many years, who eventually alienated everyone in her life including me. Has nothing to do with with age, you're just better at acceptance, while I actually try to look for the good in people, as rare as it may be.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top