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friends call attn to me being gay more than I do

vadersapprentice

vadersapprentice

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So... I dunno why this has gotten to me so much lately, but it seems the more I am around my core group of friends, the more they call attention to my being gay. I don't particularly flaunt my gayness, its not like I have homo-vocal dysentery where everytime I open my mouth, another sassy quip just comes flowing out...I guess I don't really need to call that much attention to my sexual preference.

I'm definitely not ashamed of it, I do point out if I find a guy attractive, or I complain if I haven't gotten any in forever, just like my other friends, but it seems as if they feel the need to compensate for the fact that I'm not showering everyone with fairy dust every 5 seconds. Its almost like they remind themselves that I'm gay.

does anybody have any insight on why people do this? Have you ever experienced this?

END RANT.:grrr:
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

your gayness is a novelty to them?

what exactly are they saying? it would help better analyse the situation if we knew...
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

Yes, I'm sorry to say I have experienced it. A very good straight friend of mine used to constantly ask me for "the gay point of view" on various topics that would come up in conversation.

At first I was happy to discuss it with him, then eventually I realized it was his way of saying "you're different from me." I finally got sick of it and stopped talking to him.

You definitely need to say something when your friends do it or it could really damage your friendship. Say something like, "I have no problem with the fact that I'm gay, and I was glad to come out to you cause you're my friend. But it's starting to sound like you really have issues with it, and I wonder why that is?".
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

This kid sums up that concern pretty well, and a lot of other ones....

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S0N3bIeFrM[/ame]
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

Hmm. Yeah straight people can be like that. They sometimes need education though... you're probably intriguing and interesting to them.

You said don't talk to them anymore. I know it's annoying but they won't ever get used to gay people unless society is more integrated. I don't think the answer is cutting yourself off from straight people but to realize that it's kinda 'just a phase'- it's their way of allowing themselves to be more comfortable with you.
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

One solution to handle this issue folks..Say to your straight buddies " Stop asking me Gay shit and pointing out my Gayness every chance you get, the Shit is OLD"...

If they care about you it will STOP and they might tease you every once and a while..But if it continues then it's time to meet new people and form a new flock of friends...

For EVERY straight person that will Point out their friends gayness there's another Straight friend that won't do it at all...

You have to remember straight friends that hang with their Gay friends are curious and they will ask questions. That is fine but when you get tired of being "The Tree of Knowledge" then tell them how you feel and it will probably stop...

My White friends ask me TONS of questions about Black folks..I have to tell them constantly that I'm not the BLACK GOD. I didnt CREATE all the BLACK people across the land...LOL...I don't expect them to know EVERYTHING about ALL white people...

People don't mean any harm for the most part, they're just ignorant...
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

Get some gay friends.
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

Instead of getting on their ass about it, just flip it around. If someone points out that you're gay, remind him that he's straight. Point out that he likes women, that he likes breasts, and ask for "the straight perspective" on things. Do that two or three times, and they'll get the point.

Lex
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

good point guys. Most of the time it has something to do with women. like the conversations 'ass or tits-- which do you prefer' and if im in the middle of this little exchange, my friends are like 'well, we know what you'd like because- well your gay' or if one of their female friends im not aquainted with laments that she has been single and man-less for months, some of my friends feel the need to say 'oh yea- talk to our friend over here, he knows all about that'

yadda yadda yadda. like you said, it gets old and most of the time, i'm pretty good about speaking up. it just feels good to get of my chest. thanks for the advice fellas.
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

slnattak said:
Hmm. Yeah straight people can be like that. They sometimes need education though... you're probably intriguing and interesting to them.

You said don't talk to them anymore. I know it's annoying but they won't ever get used to gay people unless society is more integrated. I don't think the answer is cutting yourself off from straight people but to realize that it's kinda 'just a phase'- it's their way of allowing themselves to be more comfortable with you.
Click to expand...

MisterMajestic said:
One solution to handle this issue folks..Say to your straight buddies " Stop asking me Gay shit and pointing out my Gayness every chance you get, the Shit is OLD"...

If they care about you it will STOP and they might tease you every once and a while..But if it continues then it's time to meet new people and form a new flock of friends...

For EVERY straight person that will Point out their friends gayness there's another Straight friend that won't do it at all...

You have to remember straight friends that hang with their Gay friends are curious and they will ask questions. That is fine but when you get tired of being "The Tree of Knowledge" then tell them how you feel and it will probably stop...

My White friends ask me TONS of questions about Black folks..I have to tell them constantly that I'm not the BLACK GOD. I didnt CREATE all the BLACK people across the land...LOL...I don't expect them to know EVERYTHING about ALL white people...

People don't mean any harm for the most part, they're just ignorant...
Click to expand...

G-Lexington said:
Instead of getting on their ass about it, just flip it around. If someone points out that you're gay, remind him that he's straight. Point out that he likes women, that he likes breasts, and ask for "the straight perspective" on things. Do that two or three times, and they'll get the point.

Lex
Click to expand...


These quotes are pretty much what I'd have said. I base my agreement on the fact that I'm black and so understand the parallel experience, and also because just as I believe everyone is racist (even people of color), I believe everyone is homophobic to one degree or another (even gay people).

I think this kind of stuff tends to be an attempt by (hopefully) well-meaning people to clumsily educate themselves. It does get annoying, though. Everyone wants to be seen, known, and loved as an individual, not a mascot.
 
Re: friends call attn to me being gay more than I

vadersapprentice said:
...or if one of their female friends im not aquainted with laments that she has been single and man-less for months, some of my friends feel the need to say 'oh yea- talk to our friend over here, he knows all about that'
Click to expand...

Dude, they're totally just teasing you. It's what friends are supposed to do.

I get it from all of my friends. I'm not even exaggerating; every single one of them. I'll admit its probably because I'm a pretty ironic person and therefore treat them in the same manner that they like to bust on me for being gay, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way.

That's how you can tell someone truly accepts you, when they poke fun at you without fear of you getting mad at them. You're novel to them, embrace it.
 
then point as many women as you can and make them notice they should like those women, do that 2 or three times, let them know how annoying it can be. You should also call them straight every time you get the chance.

it should make the point clear.
 
I came out as being bi at 17 and gay at 22 ... never truly expecting to move back to the general and extremely RURAL area. Believe it or not, the novelty does indeed wear off ... even when the nearest town to you is 8 miles away with a massive population of 919.

In my own personal experience and observation, even the most (insecure) "masculine" of men will acknowledge another man's handsomeness to another guy provided that they're comfortable and trusting enough. And we all know that a sure sign of this is joking with and even about one another.
 
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