Friendships with Straight guys?

[Wcw10891]

Alright, so at my current job (in a deli) a new guy was hired. we can call him John. Anyway from the get go me and John were ont he same level, we both have ear gauges, both like drawing and tattoo's, both like the same types of music, so needless to say we hit it off.

Since there usually is alot of down time at work, everyone just sits around and talks. and from talking to him we both have similar backgrounds and such, and he is straight. in jest, i would ask him questions or joke about him hooking up with a guy and he would laugh at the joke, and just simply say its not his thing. So fast foreward a few months, and me and him are actually pretty good freinds.

we've been to a coupel midnight showing of movies together, and have hung out when our days off are the same. And hes super nerdy with comics and movies like me so we have lots to talk about.

So the whole reason im writing this. is because im sure youc an tell, im starting to like him more than a friend. And it doesnt help that he has alot of the attributes i like in a guy.

So my question is, how have some of you handled having a friendship with a straight guy, knowing that nothing would happen?

I dont think talking to him about it would help any, cause this isnt a fairy tale, i know he wont sweep me off my feet and into the bedroom, i think he woudl be idk, freaked out, like most straight guys i've talked to or read about seem to be.

So i guess im looking for ways on how to cope with these feelings that i know will never be returned.

any advice would be helpful, i still want to keep my friendship with him, but it woudl be so much easier if i didnt stare at him like the fine piece of meat he is.

 

[Maestoso]

I always respect my straight friends' sexual orientation, I think you should too.

It's undeniable that we are attracted to straight guys, but I would rather be in a relationship with someone who wants me for who I am.

Everything you think about him, see it in this situation.

You have a close girl friend who knows you're gay but suddenly mentioned she has fallen in love with you. What would your reaction be?

 

[genthree]

We all come up against this constantly, I told one straight friend of mine that I like him and enjoy his company - which all works - but would not hit on him because I want to maintain our friendship.
I think if you want to move on with this friendship you should lay all your cards on the table . I think there can be nothing worse than you hit on him some time down the road and he then thinks the whole friendship was a rouse just to get him into the cot.....

 

[KaraBulut]

The problem isn't that you're attracted to your straight friend.

The problem is that you need a boyfriend that has all the traits that you like in your friend plus the all important trait of liking cock.

Every month, we get several of these "I'm attracted to/in love with my straight friend" threads. What they tend to have in common is the lack of gay friends or an active dating life. There's plenty of gay guys who would love to hang out with you, talk, grab dinner, see a movie and then have hot sweaty buttsex.

 

[Seasoned]

^The shy guys with very few social outlets are the mist susceptible. It's using what you have in front of you to form your fantasies instead of taking the risk to look for what else is out there.

Boundaries are essential and most people have to learn how to set them on their own. So now you must choose if you're going to halt this thing or let yourself slip into frustration. I hope for your sake you choose to take some risk to meet new people all the while keeping a good friend. Good friends are not all the easy to find.

 

[ccaopd]

In my group there is a gay guy (we'll call him "Brad")...he developed a thing for a straight guy in the group, told a few people, and when it got back to the straight guy he was fine with it and continued to be friends. Since then, almost every person in the group has admitted they no longer like hanging out with Brad because: 1. He won't stop talking about the straight guy. 2. When he talks about the straight guy, it is generally about plans how to get with him.

Moral of the story: Cut your loses and accept he's only a friend and find someone else who (as KaraBulut put it) has these traits and likes cock. You don't want your feelings for a straight guy to cost you not only your friendship with him, but make it awkward between coworkers and any other mutual friends you may have.

 

[racer2438]

I would start by respecting the bounderies, once you do that that rest will fall in place.

 

[Spensed]

Many people, gay and straight, flirt or throw off sexy potential or charm without ever wanting or being able to go anywhere with it.

Many just like the attention, especially if a sexual motive means you put in that much more effort into the friendship, with no pay off.

Guys tend to know whether they want to make out with each other very quickly. Developing a friendship first generally makes it much harder, if not impossible, to sexualize things later on.

I don't think these gay-straight friendships work unless both guys are happy that what they need sexually and emotionally is being taken care of elsewhere.

One option is to let him take the initiative in the friendship and do the running. Be friendly and responsive, but do not try to manipulate what happens. But even that can draw you deeper into a frustrating experience, if you end up wanting more.

Some people may have had a happy outcome from these situations and not ended up realizing that they are largely a complete waste of time. But the topic is a common one here and I do not remember reading about even one happy outcome.

Sorry to be so negative. Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

Get out there and make more friends.

 

[Rolyo85]

I haven't been interested in straight guys ever since coming out. But then again, I know a shit ton of gay ones, so I don't need to.

Your mistake was not being honest from the start. It always puts things in perspective for straight guys when they see you being open about it, and nonchalant. Cause if you don't care if they know, they feel comfortable too. When you make it a secret, they freak out when they find out.


My advice would be this - tell him you're gay. Tell him you like him STRICTLY as a friend (that is, lie to him), and that's why you didn't tell him before that, cause you were scared he'd think you would hit on him, WHICH OF COURSE YOU'D NEVER DO (make it believable).

Then accept the consequences Otherwise he WILL figure out something's amiss, and will pull away anyway.

 

[Wcw10891]

wow, first off i want to thank everyone for thier comments, and i have to say every person actually had some valid points.

also he already knows im gay,a nd it never was an issue, but we never had the talk if i like him or not.

and i think Kara said it best, and actually blew my mind a bit. It is true, the only friends i really have are girls. but my best friend is havign all this stupid boyfriend drama, so we dont talk as much, and 'John' is my first real guy friend.

and then seasoned, says shy guys with few social outlets, and he describes me to a T. I dont have any gays friends, and it seems liek the only place where i know to find gay people, is the club which i cant even get into yet for another year. but even so, its just not my scene, at least i dont think.

But i really appreciate all the responses, negative and positive, this has definatly got me thinking more clear. Im just going to keep things the way they are, and just enjoy the friendship, and try not to complicate it with my feelings.

thanks again everyone.

 

[tbtmo02]

this reminds me of the times ive had the hots for my straight friends and recently i got to see the goods of one of them thanks to a game of truth or dare and his want to impress some girls

 

[tonyboy]

A friend is a friend man.. And since he knows you are gay, and if he wants to stay your friend, well good for him.. And good for you that he knows you are not trying to hit on him.

Hell, straight guys can have gay friends.. especially now days. Just don't hit on him and you and he will be fine.. I take it you and he have a friendship outside of your attraction to him.
Gay guys can have straight friends... 99% of my friends have been straight.
And they are damned good and close buddies..
You will be fine man.. And when you do meet a gay guy that you want to be with, well introduce him to your straight buddy.. Could be they will make a good friendship too.

 

[Audio Tech]

Pretty much all my current friends are straight. And they are good friends. The only mistake I ever made is to fall for one of them long ago. Long story short, he could never return my feelings and I became a wreck over it. It took me many years to get over him, and the cost was entirely mine while he married and lived his life.

Keep your straight friends AS friends. A good friend is rare. There are plenty of gay guys that can return your feelings.

 

[shadesofgrey]

Most of my guy friends are straight and I've had a crush on all of them at some point in time but I've only been truly in love with maybe two of them. And it didn't help that they were so comfortable with me being gay that they didn't mind me flirting with them. It was hard but eventually my feelings went away and I got over them. You just have to keep reminding yourself that no matter what you do they are never going to love you in that way.

 

[warrenxx]

Personally, if I feel I'm starting to go beyond feelings of friendship, I do my best to distance myself. I can't stand the mental anquish and torture you feel once you fall for someone you can never have. If it's just a physical attraction and a friendship then the sexual orientation of the guy doesn't bother me.

 

[Echoes]

I think you should look for a boyfriend somewhere else and just respect the boundaries. I have 2 really close friends who are straight and we never have had any trouble regarding attraction, I think I always look at them like just friends. Keep the friendship if that's what you want but move on, there're plenty of other guys out there, no reason to be stuck with the one you can't have.
best of luck.

 

[Wcw10891]

just a little update, this quote from spensed

"I don't think these gay-straight friendships work unless both guys are happy that what they need sexually and emotionally is being taken care of elsewhere."

really had me think and its fits me and my friend perfectly, we were talking, and he hasnt had sex in over a year cause he isnt the one night stand type of guy, and i think he really does miss being in a relationship.

cause i find him calling me to hang out, than me calling him, maybe im looking into it too much though, thanks for all the comments though

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA[/ame]

 

[gavin89]

I've had the same problem a couple of times before... I was a lonely child who didn't have any friends and when I met this guy in high school when I was around 16, I totally fell for him..

Although looking back at it, I realize I was just lonely and wanting some attention.. Maybe that's what's going on with you too... If you don't have much friends, or a boyfriend, then you might be attracted to "John" just because he's one of the few people you have in your life...

Also, I never thought a friend's sexual orientation would matter, but I'm realizing lately that having gay friends is nice because you can share some stuff that you'd never be able to share with straight ones...

So get out there, make some more friends and don't stay hung up on him.. You're only making yourself suffer for no reason and nothing can come out of it..

best of luck