Frustrated with dating

[Link25]

So a while back I posted about not having any friends and that i've never had a boyfriend - or even a date and it's been a few years since I put myself out there at the age of 32 and it's been pretty hard. In the last 3 years (I think it's been 3), I put myself out there on all the apps - not Grindr - the apps for guys looking for dating/relationships - not hooking up. In those 3 years i've had 2 dates. I spent many, many hours trying to chat with other men but my response rate probably 2% - I've tried contacting all types of men but usually tried to find someone with similar interests (even some guys who I knew were way too attractive to even bother with me - but I gave it a shot!). I've gone from short messages to well thought out conversation starters but mostly get ignored. The 2 guys I did go out with I was not attracted to them in their photos but I gave them a chance because I wanted to see if their personalities would help - I ended up carrying the conversations both times and getting us out of those awkward silence moments. Both of those guys approached me first. I'm at a point where there's just nobody left for me to contact and profiles are getting shorter and shorter as if this online dating thing is really old school now - maybe it is?

The problem is that I wonder if i'm boring? I'm afraid to compliment someones look's because I fear that I will turn them off as i'm coming on too strong or something. Is that what guys are waiting for? I have NO flirting skills whatsoever and I tread carefully anytime I get a response. Usually they end up disappearing mid-conversation or after I ask them to meet.

Another thing is that i'm 35 now and most guys seem to have had years of sexual experience and relationships and I just don't think I can compete with that. What does a 40 year old man want with someone so inexperienced? Or even another 30 something man? I know I can't go back in time but waiting so long to put myself out there to date has really been a struggle. I wasn't comfortable with myself enough for that - it took a long time.

I have trouble seeing myself as attractive as well. The results of online dating speak volumes and not once can I remember someone in person ever approaching me.

I know this is just a bunch of ranting but I needed to share and talk with people who might understand.

I've been told to get out and get off the internet but i'd have to go alone which does intimidate me but I guess that's my next step. I've been trying to find groups to meet with/join but haven't had much luck.

 

[gayvga]

I think you don´t need to be frustrated.
Try to talk about new options with reliable friends.
And don´t take it as some personal, thinking there is something wrong with you. I have many female friends and they say it´s difficult to find a boyfriend. Try to talk about it with a psychologist, if you have the opportunity too; a professional help is always a good option.

 

[Link25]

I think you don´t need to be frustrated.
Try to talk about new options with reliable friends.
And don´t take it as some personal, thinking there is something wrong with you. I have many female friends and they say it´s difficult to find a boyfriend. Try to talk about it with a psychologist, if you have the opportunity too; a professional help is always a good option.

Thank you....I just get lonely and I get sad when I get rejected pretty much all the time.

 

[72-Jay]

So a while back I posted about not having any friends and that i've never had a boyfriend - or even a date
...
I have NO flirting skills whatsoever and I tread carefully anytime I get a response. Usually they end up disappearing mid-conversation or after I ask them to meet.
...
Another thing is that i'm 35 now and most guys seem to have had years of sexual experience and relationships

I can't offer any advice other than to say hope you do find someone!

---
For me, basically same thing - never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend, or even dated anyone -- difference is that I'm even older (mid 40's)

I also have 0 flirting skills, and for that matter even as just 'friends only' I am basically unfriendable in general, (I've proven that to myself time & time again, its absolutely true) . I don't know how I do it, but even if I attempt to be friendly or anything, I just scare people off. I've basically given up & won't even try anymore.
(so yeah, there are people worse of than you out there )
I don't see 'single' as a bad thing though, it just is what it is.

-----------------------------

And don´t take it as some personal, thinking there is something wrong with you

For me (unlike you Link25), there absolutely is something wrong...more than one thing for that matter.

 

[gayvga]

Thank you....I just get lonely and I get sad when I get rejected pretty much all the time.

I understand you. I also got sad when I got rejected and it was several times, too, when I tried to use the net. But do you know what? Sometimes, what we think it´s bad, it can really be a blessing. Better alone than victim of those sociopath people that use net.
Why don´t you try to ask a reliable friend to act like a Cupid? At least you will have some information about the person. I didn´t have shame to ask; it didn´t happen because my female friend didn´t have a person with my profile in her mind, but, at least, I tried.
And, please, don´t be sad. Think several women struggle the same situation. It´s not about you. Finally, don´t condition your happiness to a man. If someone appears, good! But if no, you can be happy, too. It´s working for me. Because if it was different, all married couples would be happy and this is not true, and all singles would be sad and this is not true, too. Happiness is all about choices we make.

 

[Link25]

Thanks guys. I know I'm not the only one who goes through this stuff but I'm glad I can talk about it here for support. I keep deleting the apps and then going back to them. I probably need to go to a bar or something but that's not really my thing, not to mention I'd have to go alone ( No friends here ). I've been looking for groups to join but haven't found anything I'm interested in yet.

Anyway, again, thanks guys!

 

[PalacePaul]

I understand how you feel. I spent quite a long time on dating sites/apps and it's always difficult. (And it's a common situation, I guess, as I've heard the same story from different people). Finally I stopped using them two years ago because I felt that the frustration and the false expectations were bigger than the actual results. Instead I tried to spend time on hobbies and to feel happy for who I am and what I do, not for what other guys think of me.
Now, I don’t know how to say this, so here it goes: I like sex. Do you? (don’t answer, just ask yourself). Because for me, over the years, sex has been a different way to get to know guys. It’s different from meeting for coffee (uncomfortable silences and all) and if there is good chemistry it can feel very intimate. That’s just my experience.
Of course I’m not suggesting you turn yourself into a slut, but it’s something different you can consider. Sex can be a fulfilling experience which can lead to friendship and hopefully something else.

(OMG was I too direct? )