gay and homophobic?

[RicanDAB]

I have seen those types before. They definitely have issues. I know of one guy who acknowledges he's gay but he feel uncomfortable being around the effeminate ones because he is afraid that he would be outed by being seen with them (still in the closet to others).

Perhaps other gay men have these issues for other reasons but I dunno why.

 

[Pushover]

I'm gay, and I get nervous whenever I see other gay people (not that I see many, but the same idea). That's not homophobia, that's called being aware of your surroundings and plain old anxiety/nerves.

Now, if he was completely turned off by homosexuals, that's what I would call homophobia. But, I can see where you could be gay but have a severe repulsion to some 'types' of gay people. Likes and dislikes.

 

[ivyguy24]

I think it's possible if they guy has issues, but it could also be just a personality clash.

Most of my friends are staright, but I do have some gay friends. But not many of them are really feminine or fit the typical flamboyant gay stereotype...I mean, I do have a couple friends like that. I get along with pretty much anyone, but usually if a guy is really loud and flamboyant it can become an annoyance and I don't go out of my way to hang out with them (but I also don't go out of my way to avoid them).

A couple people I know act that way more to draw attention to themselves, and I guess it sorta works, because it's a pretty clear way to broadcast your sexuality...but it also seems kind of seems overkill to me.

 

[Jory]

Oh God I remeber being like that

 

[pigeondetective]

Some guys just don't really go for effeminate types...maybe he has issues with how camp they are?

 

[huggybear]

The guys I get attracted to are not the obvious camp or female gay guys - it's the ones who are masculine, often they're straight which is a bit of a dead end for me - but eventually I will find someone who is either really gay or has enough soft side and curiosity to spend some time being sexy and cuddly. I don't know how to handle what we used to call 'screaming queens' and was never taught by anyone how to relax and interact and flirt and use chat-up lines with gay people - so maybe it's the same thing as paul107. Like, even if I was in a town reknowned for its gay bars or clubs or sauna life I would just feel too inhibited!
Merry

 

[Chalchalero]

would it be possible that a person would be gay but he's homophobic?

just wondering coz i just met a "nice" guy and he's gay but when he's around other gay men he's kinda uncomfortable. he is not bad mouthing them but he just don't want to be around gay guys (well just the flamboyant types anyway) and he seems "afraid" of them.

what you think?

I don't know that I would consider it homophobic to feel uncomfortable around flamboyan gay guys. I often feel the same way in fact. But I do believe there is a level of self-loathing among certiain gay men, and perhaps that can be considered somewhat homophobic.

I believe some people completely despise the fact that they are gay and that comes out in their discourse with other gays and often creates a bitterness on their part. It more likely has to deal with their own problems with their self-esteem than anything else. That's what I believe anyway.

 

[Clooneyesque]

I've seen a fair amount of fem-bashing on this site so I want to make clear that I think that it's just another disgusting -- probably the most prominent -- form of gay hatred out there -- one which apparently even other gays are guilty of.

Having said that, I have to admit that I've felt a lot of antipathy towards effeminate flamboyant gays myself, and a lot of it has to do with frustration. Like most guys I'm attracted to men with masculine qualities (I don't mean "straight acting" but just normal, unpretentious type of men who are just being themselves and don't wish to stand out in any particular way) But a lot of the time the only men who seem to be out are the flamboyant ones -- not necessarily true, but they're the only visible ones. It's just that the flamboyant ones are by nature louder. The bad is that they're a big turn-off sexually to me (and I imagine to a lot of other guys as well) and it can be very hard to find someone you're really attracted to when all you can see are parading queens blocking the way.

I blame cultural media stereotypes for this, not the fems. Most of the time the impression I get is to be attracted to someone of the same sex you're supposed to be not only effeminate, but (to some guys) a sexually repulsive caricature of a woman. So if you want to find where gay self-loathing comes from yes, look within, but also look at how you're being portrayed.

 

[iosif2]

who are just being themselves and don't wish to stand out in any particular way

it's always been difficult for me to relate to flamboyant gays because it does seem that they put a concerted effort into playing a part that fulfills a stereotype and are far from being themselves. it makes me sad and sympathetic more than repulsed though. there is an element of frustration inside of me that stirs within when i'm around a fem guy. i keep saying to myself that i wish he didn't have to feel like he had to act so dramatically to get validation. maintaining the drama does appear to be a tiring expenditure of energy in an effort to stand out. one guy i know at work is quite flamboyant and i stay completely hidden from him. he is young, attractive and funny, but is also insists on bring homosexuality into everything he does. he gets laughs from coworkers, but he reinforces the stereotype of how gays "are". I hear all the comments and jokes behind his back because people don't know about me. i do defend him however when people are unfair. peace

 

[Soilwork]

Does ANYONE like being around those guys who put on a big flaming-retard routine?

I don't know if I'd call him "homophobic" so much as "Easily annoyed by wankers."

 

[Danugh]

Well its not homophobic, its more discrimination with the gay community which is one of the reasons why there is no unity.

The really masculine DL gays mock and sometimes are violent towards the more effeminate gay men.

 

[G-Lexington]

I don't have much problem at all with "femmy" guys (unless, as occasionally happens, they're very touchy-feely, and won't keep their hands to themselves). I feel they either naturally act that way and are thus being themselves (and more power to them), or else they really DO want to act that way...and again, more power to them. I can't say I seek this type of person out, but I don't have a problem with them.

Why do newly out guys feel uncomfortable around them? Perhaps because they're new to the whole "gay thing", and may feel that that's the end result? That everyone who comes out eventually becomes very fem? Possibly.

Lex

 

[Clooneyesque]

Why do newly out guys feel uncomfortable around them? Perhaps because they're new to the whole "gay thing", and may feel that that's the end result? That everyone who comes out eventually becomes very fem? Possibly.Lex

I don't think it's accurate to say that all gays who have been out for a while become fem, I've met a number of out gays who are comfortable with who they are but no one would know they were gay unless they were told.

From my own experience I know that if you do hang out with a gay crowd, there tends to be peer pressure (mostly unspoken) to conform to the effeminate stereotype. There are these subtle hints, such as always being referred to as "she", being taken for granted that your interest revolve around gay icons, interior decorating, ect. (For a good example of that, just take a cross sampling of the JUB forum boards.) But if you express an interest in, say, stock car racing, the reaction will be, "oh get Miss Thang, she's trying to be a man."

There have been times when I've gotten so exasperated that I'm try to accept fems just as they are, but they won't extend me the same courtesy to me. It's led me to wonder if there is any difference between the Christian fundamentalist who expect everyone to be just like them and the queens who expect all gays to be just like them as well.

 

[degavas]

Does ANYONE like being around those guys who put on a big flaming-retard routine?

I don't know if I'd call him "homophobic" so much as "Easily annoyed by wankers."

Reminds me of what my cousin said when I came out to him "That's cool, just so long as you don't become a flaming, roller-skating, rainbow wig wearing, short shorts homo."

Somehow I understood that, and took it well...