Gay friend overdosed today.

[BFF-Dildo]

i just learned that an online friend of mine who is gay but not out just overdosed on pills, and his family is blaming me.

Long history short, i used to have vids on xtube (deleted) and he contacted me and we began talking in September 2011. We talked a lot for several months, and while i intended on just being friends since we lived in 2 different states, he became extremely attatched and said he loved me within 24 hrs. I told him i just wanted to be friends and thought he understood. Today, January 23, we talked as usual and he said he was going to meet up with a guy this week. So i gave him some words of advice. I then said I hooked up with a guy over the weekend, thinking all was normal, but he freaked out. He said i thought we were together. I told him, how can we be together if we have only talked over the phone and texted? I quoted him saying he wanted to be just friends a few months ago, but no use.

I find out from his father that his son overdosed on 27 advils. He blames me. Oh, and he told his father that IM A GIRL, and refuses to believe his son his gay.

Thank u for reading this long post, but I need words of wisdom/encouragemnt/anything. HELP

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

Wow...It was not your fault dude plain and simple. Move on, and do NOT feel any of this is your fault.

 

[andysayshi]

That's a shocking thing to be involved in. I'm very sorry to hear it. Obviously, most importantly, it's important to remember that some people are very mixed up and troubled, and there's often very little you can do to help them, especially if you are only online acquaintances and not really friends. So don't blame yourself, whatever you do. People are not in a rational place when they are suicidal, and as a virtual bystander there's probably little you could have done to help.

The parents are in a terrible, terrible place right now. They have lost a child and discovered something shocking about him at the same time. I would not attempt any further contact with them right now, unless they initiate it. They are going to need to deal with the tragedy in their own way, and they probably need some space to do so. If they DO contact you, be honest, caring and polite, but don't engage in any conversation that is accusatory or aggressive. If anything like that happens, end any exchanges (whether phone, IM or email) to let things cool down.

Personally, I would not provide the family with any of your personal details, like phone number or address, until you are very comfortable that you know them. You simply don't know anything about these people - treat them like any other internet relationship, at a distance.

In the unlikely instance that there is any police involvement in the situation, ask for the contact details of the investigating officer and call them yourself. Explain everything openly and honestly. You don't have anything to fear here, so don't be concerned. A police investigation can be quite normal after a suicide, but it's actually very unlikely you will be contacted.

Are you out to friends or family? Do you have someone close to talk to about this? Don't underestimate the effect something like this can have on YOU. A shoulder to lean on is very important at a time like this - don't be afraid to reach out to a friend or family member.

But most of all, remember you are not to blame in any way here. The guy clearly had big troubles in his life that had way more to do than a casual online friendship. You've done nothing wrong.

 

[BFF-Dildo]

Thank you for your input andy, I really appreciate it. He did not die, he's still alive thank goodness. You've given me a lot of comfort.

 

[BFF-Dildo]

I guess I somehow forgot to add the fact that he's still alive, still in the hospital right now.

 

[andysayshi]

Well, that's good news, in any case! I hope he hasn't done too much damage to his stomach or intestines - Advil (Ibuprofen) can really muck up your insides.

As above, I'd give lots and lots of space to him and his family now - they have a lot of stuff to deal with. Maybe that space should be permanent.

 

[looseliam]

I guess I somehow forgot to add the fact that he's still alive, still in the hospital right now.

I was about to say. The LD50 for ibuprofen starts around 500mg/kg iirc. Figuring an average weight of 70kg, he'd have to ingest 175+ pills for a 50/50 chance.

I call shenanigans.

I would recommend having no further contact with either that boy or his family.

 

[Seasoned]

The guy perhaps will get the help he's needed for a long time. He attached himself to you because he had nothing else from his point of view to make him feel accepted. It's difficult to get through to a person in that condition. You need to know you reached out in a friendly manner. I doubt his parents will understand the condition of their son until they are ready to break their denial. They can't be allowed to beat up on you. Take good care of yourself.

I'm so happy he was saved.

 

[BFF-Dildo]

Thanks Seasoned. He told is dad that I'm a girl so he wouldn't have to come out. I feel like I need to tell his dad the truth, but at the same time I don't feel comfortable sharing that kind of secret when the father has no idea who I am. If they ask me any more questions, should I just ignore them or just spill the truth?

 

[andysayshi]

If the Dad still doesn't know you're a guy, I would not get involved in that. It's not your job (or right) to out him to his family. Keep your distance unless you are expressly invited otherwise, and only then if you're comfortable.

 

[BFF-Dildo]

You're right. I'm glad I just played along with that, they're going through enough right now. Thanks guys, you're making me feel at peace about this situation.

 

[Rolyo85]

The boy is seriously disturbed. And I'm not being judgmental, I'm well aware of what being gay can do to a kid some times. Obviously you're not to blame. The thing to remember in these situations is that you are NOT responsible for how much importance someone else decided you have in their life. If you did not lead him on, your conscience is clear. It's very depressing when you realize people can become that desperate for human contact as to build a fantasy around an online relationship.

I myself am all about making online friendships, and I consider my judgment good enough to make some of them real, even if we haven't ever met in person. But to think you are romantically involved with someone you have only chatted to online is simply a delusion. And delusional people have this thing where they can make you feel really guilty. The important thing to remember is that the you only ever have a responsibility to yourself and the people you love. Nobody else.

 

[BFF-Dildo]

That makes a lot of sense Rolyo85. He did try to make me feel guilty about it. He recently said he was heartbroken cuz I didn't watch a show with him (bearing in mind we were in 2 different states)
What I'm now worried about is how his parents will react. If they drag me further into this I may have another thread asking for advice, haha. Thank u guys for your wisdom, so glad this site exists!!!!

 

[Just_Believe18]

I don't think this is a healthy friendship to be a part of. I would recommend it cutting it off now. Best to do it while he's recovering from a suicide attempt, before his feelings once again start building and he tries once more for whatever random reason you upset him by.

He needs to work this out on his own. Don't get caught up in this mess. This is the serious suicidal closet type, and it's very bad to get mixed up in this.

 

[Robbert]

Well it's hard for him as well of you dump him he won't move on he got too attached too you. You should meet him in real and tell him it's impossible. That father is a fucking piece of trash. And long-distance relations do work that's how me and my husband got together

 

[Rolyo85]

Except this isn't a long distance relationship at all because OP never wanted it to be one. And the kid is a psycho currently. Meeting in real life is lute rally the last thing I'd ever recommend in this situation. One email, kind, but also firm, ands plainsong why you think this isn't healthy for either of you, and then cutting off all communication forever. This isn't a friendship that can be saved or turned into something more.

 

[shainski]

You are a fantasy to him - nothing more. There is nothing here to make you the least bit culpable.

It would be as if i fell in love with an actor - sent him/her some fan mail - got a response, and i thought the actor loved me.

How did his father become aware of you and contact you?

No, it is not your job to out him. As a friend you can sympathize with him, but don't give him more attention than you were. You were not the one that he needs to get him through this. Your relationship is only a fantasy.

This reminds me of the movie "misery".

 

[evanrick]

playing devils advocate here so you may just want to skip my post

he was probably trying to make you jealous by saying he was meeting someone.

you made his situation worse because you knew he had fantasies about you, and you did nothing to stop those fantasies, you even sought to brake him by saying you met up with someone else.

not saying you are completely at fault but you clearly leveraged his weakness to your videos and his feelings for you for probably the same reason you posted your videos on the internet in the first place.