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Gay guys share all the reasons why they think they’re “undateable”

Like many of the members here, I don't want to be dateable, due to being already spoken for. But, to the magazine article. The subjects describing their romantic failings had so many weak excuses. There is someone for everyone, someone out there who wants a man just like you, no matter what a mess you are.
 
If anyone in the article mentioned the cost of dating, I missed it.

Seems too important to overlook when a lot of people are struggling just to get by. Especially young people.
 
Dargelos said:
There is someone for everyone, someone out there who wants a man just like you, no matter what a mess you are.
Click to expand...
Maybe, but if someone is a mess that person will likely only be able to get someone who is equally a mess. Which raises in my mind the question of how healthy the relationship might be.

This is a reason I don't bother trying to date. I figure anyone who'd view me as a viable option would have significant problems of his own.

At one time, I thought I could get the problems in my life resolved, and then date. Those problems sadly linger. And my increasing age is probably becoming more and more of a problem on its own.
 
Kahaih said:
If anyone in the article mentioned the cost of dating, I missed it.

Seems too important to overlook when a lot of people are struggling just to get by. Especially young people.
Click to expand...
I'd say cost of dating is a real issue. It's something that would--at times--have made the prospect difficult if not impossible for me.

I could afford a date now, I guess, but my overall financial position is not one that makes me a very attractive option for a long term relationship.
 
Cost and troubles should be no barrier.

Just be up front.

A lot of guys would love to have a date that wasn't expensive.

A date isn't a lifetime commitment....or even the invitation to one.

I used to love the randomness of connection. And the sex that sometimes led to dates.

Just get out there and connect.
 
Get out and connect where?

It was mentioned in the article, and I've seen it here on JUB as well -- seems most of the gay bars have closed up shop. People tell us that they would have to travel 100 miles or more to visit/find a gay bar.

Which is also a major budget consideration - the cost of transportation.
 
You can spend as much or as little as you want. You can buy a new shirt and take him to a classy dinner. We were just as happy in a bus shelter with a bar of chocolate. Happier.
Everybody has a phone, it costs pennies to set up a meeting in a place easy to get to. And with an escape route if he does turn out to be a conservative. He might be a serial killer but conservative is worse.
You are not a viable option, this is not a business pitch, you are a man who has just as much right to find love as any other.
 
I swing between equally false extremes. Sometimes I'm sure I'm an undateable monster. And sometimes I'm Prince Charming.
 
me203 said:
I'd say cost of dating is a real issue. It's something that would--at times--have made the prospect difficult if not impossible for me.

I could afford a date now, I guess, but my overall financial position is not one that makes me a very attractive option for a long term relationship.
Click to expand...
Kahaih said:
If anyone in the article mentioned the cost of dating, I missed it.

Seems too important to overlook when a lot of people are struggling just to get by. Especially young people.
Click to expand...


I think I have many issues why I can't get a date, but even if I did find someone willing I doubt I could afford it. Short of just hanging out together everything around here costs so much. Hanging out together also seems more like a been on a few dates together than a first date, to me at least.
 
Kahaih said:
Get out and connect where?

It was mentioned in the article, and I've seen it here on JUB as well -- seems most of the gay bars have closed up shop. People tell us that they would have to travel 100 miles or more to visit/find a gay bar.

Which is also a major budget consideration - the cost of transportation.
Click to expand...


For me it is slightly the other way. I live about a mile from my small town's LGBT bar. My problem is people gossip so much there I have heard things about myself that are totally not true. Most people at the bar has never talked to me and I am on saying hi terms with only three people that go there. I am pretty sure only two of them even know my name. One of them being one of the owners. I use to go there so much the owner joked a few times I spent more time there than he did.

I would never want to go to my local LGBT bar on a date or to try to find friends just because of what people could say about me. Some of the things I heard being said about me were not something others would want to be around so it would defeat the point.
 
metta said:
I don't meet any new people.
They would have to meet me at home. ;) Well, that is almost true.
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To be totally honest, which I probably should not be on the internet.... being an introvert and shy I really like my alone time. I don't get lonely.

But it is much more than that. I have had to deal with a lot of loss of loved ones in my life, and it has changed me in ways that are embarrassing. I will always miss them. It has made it so that I can feel other's pain deeply. Even fake characters in a movie or tv. So I kind of feel damaged. Also, I live in a pretty big home by myself (larger than average). It is pretty much the same size home that I grew up in as a kid. I don't want people to think I'm something I'm not. I'm not wealthy. I'm self-employed, and my business is not doing well. It has never lost money, but it does not make very much anymore, so I have to be careful with spending money. When I eventually downsize, it will result in reducing my expenses. I think that might also help me feel more comfortable, not just financially, but also not worrying that people will think I'm something I'm not. When my best friend died, I ended up with all of his stuff, so I sure did end up with a lot of stuff on my own. One person should not have so much stuff. I have never ever mentioned any of this to anyone before, but I don't see what harm it could do to mention it here.
 
At this point I don't think I'm undateable at all. But I'm fully aware of the time and effort needed to meet guys and maintain a potential relationship. It is so everywhere, much more in a small town.

What I don't buy is the idea that "there's someone out there for everyone". No, maybe there isn't. Or maybe we don't want to meet them. Maybe we are happy being single.
 
rareboy said:
A date isn't a lifetime commitment....or even the invitation to one.
Click to expand...
Perhaps not. But I'm not terribly interested in having a single date just to have a date. I'm not in high school. I'm not interested in finding someone for one evening so I can go to the homecoming dance. Hell, I wasn't interested when I was in hell high school, since I had no interest in going to such events. And date would have had have been...eek!!!!! a girl. :eek:

Given current realities, I might be passable for a first date. But anything much more than that--whether it's just a casual relationship that last years as boyfriend/boyfriend, or results in a lifetime commitment--isn't terribly realistic.
 
Kahaih said:
Get out and connect where?
Click to expand...
A real problem.

There are gay bars in a neighboring city, but I'm not into bars. And I'm definitely not into going to that city any more than I have to. Especially in this era when that city's newspaper's local news seems to be mostly stories about the latest incident involving bullets, blood, and dead bodies. I was there this week, and part of me would be perfectly content if this week's visit would be my last visit ever.

I remember hearing advice in the past about finding LGBT social groups on Meetup. But one group in my area is now gone. The one active group today is a lesbian group.

I suppose for dating there are apps for phones, but I don't have a smart phone. And I don't have $400 to burn to get a smart phone just to run a fucking app. Or run an app to get a chance of fucking.
 
me203 said:
And I don't have $400 to burn to get a smart phone just to run a fucking app.
Click to expand...
Just running this by.... I had Straight Talk and they decreed I needed a new phone by December. Because they wanted you to have a phone that can do wi-fi calling. The list of approved phones were all downgrades from what I had and cost more to boot. Plus, like, my wISP at the time ran almost 1mb down and 250kb up so yeah, forget wi-fi calls.

Straight Talks phones are locked to Straight Talk. AKA, it's a mostly a brick if you change your phone company.

I looked around. I found LG's flagship phone on eBay. Unlocked. Hey, an $800 phone for $120 brand new in the box. LG V20. Ok, it was "last year's flagship phone" when bought it. It's great and I can replace the battery.
I toted it to the local Verizon store. Ported my number from Straight Talk. I might have been lucky but I have unlimited voice and text and 6 GB data a month. I can tether my phone to the PC when the current wISP burps. Tech support is at the Verizon store the one time I've needed it and not in some village of Filipinos in a suburb in Bangladesh over a highly compressed VOIP connection where English is not their first language.

Anyway. I went from $50+ a month to $37 with all taxes included.
 
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