Gay Social Networks- Good for Dating?

[erobert]

Anyone have any advice on social networks targeted toward gay and bi guys? I'm talking about sites like D-List. Not Manhunt or other hookup websites.

The reason I ask is I'm gearing up for dating (finally) and expanding my social network. Though, finding guys offline has been somewhat difficult to find like minded guys if you're not into the gay scene. It's even been difficult at college (and I go to one of the most gay friendly colleges in the nation) And it's nearly impossible to find someone going about my daily activities in Chicago. Sure there's eye flirting on the on the street with hot guys but those are fleeting seconds. You pass them up and then their gone. It can be a bit frustrating at times.

Everyone my age seems so busy and already have their own life. I understand that but I'm not getting any younger and I have zero dating experience at 23. Plus, I don't really have a solid group of friends due to being mostly closeted. (I'm coming out as I get older thankfully)

I've met a few guys in my classes who expressed interest in me but it was hard gauge their sexuality, even with my gaydar. I was over thinking things, I was afraid I would move too fast and scare them away if they were into guys, etc... I suspect they were either closeted bisexuals or looking for a hookup but, that's all in the past now and I learn from those experiences.

I didn't really like the idea of online dating before but now it seems more appealing- there's no ambiguity on these sites because they are targeted toward the LGBT community. So what does everyone think? What have your experiences been on these sites if you're a member? I've been browsing around these sites and they might be a good alternative. Should I join one?

 

[ariesstar89]

Well, all I have to say is be careful, but i say go for it. Just make sure you take things really slow, and be sure you get to know the person extremely well before actually meeting up or hanging out. Okay that's it for my fatherly advice moment lol

The guy I'm currently talking with/hanging out with I met through a gay social network, gay.com. I like that site, though most of the guys on their are all about phoning or camming. anyways, we had talked on their for weeks and weeks before moving over to texting each other and eventually calling one another. We've met up some times and have so far been great to one another, so I think it can happen, because here's your example right here. I, like you, am not really into the whole clubbing scene, or meeting with guys in that manner. Don't get me wrong, I like to go out, but whenever I have tried goin to clubs/bars to meet guys, all the want to do is hook-up or drag me off in the bathroom for something quick. Just not my thing. I've tried Dlist, and am still a member on there too, but Idk, I kinda find it harder to actually find guys that want to talk on their. Just my experience

Anywho, I say give it a try, and see what happens..it could work, then again it can't. You never know, just be careful, but mostly importantly..have fun

 

[erobert]

Thanks for the words of caution. I also noticed there were more pictures of half naked guys taken with their camera phone than I thought. Well, it's not hard to figure out what they're there for

One of my biggest worries is figuring out how do I know someone I'm interested in online is who they say they are. Anyone can pull a picture of some guy from somewhere and create a great profile with all the right things written as bait. As I was browsing around I thought "for all I know that hot twenty something athletic guy could actually be a 70 year old creep." (no offense to older men) There's no real way to tell except meeting in a safe public place I guess.

I'm also skiddish about posting my picture online for a profile not because I'm still mostly closeted but it could be used for any purpose by anyone. It would be just a normal picture of me but still you have to be careful about what you put online. I just need to tread carefully and use some common sense.

Well, I think I'll still go ahead and join one, it seems like the best thing to do given the situation. Dlist was my first choice but maybe I'll rethink that.

 

[ariesstar89]

Thanks for the words of caution. I also noticed there were more pictures of half naked guys taken with their camera phone than I thought. Well, it's not hard to figure out what they're there for

HEY! i kinda resent that. I'm one of those people that have a shirtless pic of myself taken through my camera phone in the mirror of my bathroom lol. But I do see where your coming from. The only reason I do that is because for the most part, guys want to talk to someone they know is good-looking, in decent shape, and basically look somewhat sexy. I mean, you know how us guys are afterall. Not all, but most. I had a normal picture up, of me just with my head cropped out, and I got ZERO responses. But who knows, right? I also dont have my face in it for the reason of I'm still not out really, but to a couple of people. Not to mention, I know of one gay guy that went to high school with us that has a profile on Dlist that could run to people back home and spill beans. I want to do that on my own, etc etc.

But anyways, like I've said just have fun with it, and just be careful. If you do join Dlist or Gay.com, or any other type of gay social site, feel free to message me for questions, or add me, or whatever on there.

 

[rainman256]

Hi erobert. I tried a couple of sites. I broke down and tried match.com for a while, but that's a little expensive. I did meet several really cool people though, and got a couple of dates out of it. Although nothing came of the dates, I still talk to some of the people I met from there. I became friends with one of them. We've been talking and calling each other since October. Who knows, maybe something will come of that.

I'm not all the way out of the closet either, I've only told a few friends, and my sister. I was a little skiddish about putting a picture up, too, I know how you feel.

I tried plentyoffish.com recently. I haven't had any dates from it though.

Plus, like ariesstar said, it's always a good idea to exercise caution with online dating. Everyone kept telling me the same thing, too (they still do), so it's good advice

If you do join one, I'd love to know how you like it.

 

[slickery]

You live in Chicago right? That's a big enough city.

Even if you aren't into the scene, sometimes you just have to take one for the team.

I've just always been weary of online sites. You can be in the "scene" and not let it take you over. It's much easier to meet people at a bar or a gay function.

Also Chicago is pretty gay isn't it? Go grab a coffee in a gay neighbourhood or something.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

As far as "being careful" I agree but the same can happen with someone you meet in real life.

I think it encourages people to rush things because you find someone's profile, read a few stats and feel like you already know the person, courting doesn't really happen. A LOT of gay men think liking the same movies and having opposite sexual roles means he's boyfriend material.

I think it's a double-edged sword.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK there are a million and one different kinds of guys in the "scene."

 

[ariesstar89]

As far as "being careful" I agree but the same can happen with someone you meet in real life.

I think it encourages people to rush things because you find someone's profile, read a few stats and feel like you already know the person, courting doesn't really happen. A LOT of gay men think liking the same movies and having opposite sexual roles means he's boyfriend material.

I think it's a double-edged sword.

I agree 100%, your taking just as much a risk online as you would in life, but obviously the risk is higher when dating online. Like I said earlier, the man im dating now we had met online. I took a long long long time before even moving off of the social site to AIM, then awhile before eventually goin to textin/calling each other, and then a longer time before actually meeting up to hang out. It took alot out of me to be honest, but was well worth it. I felt I knew him well enough in that time before meeting up that I could at least seem to trust him. Given, I had to have pictures, and I had to even get him on cam once or twice to double check things lol, but anyways, thats just me. I don't let my guard up very easily, so things take time. But anyways I digress

 

[erobert]

Well, I'm in the process of trying to find a recent picture of myself. Still haven't signed up for anything. lol

Sorry ariesstar89 didn't mean to make a such a sweeping statement like that. I know where you're coming from being mostly in the closet myself.

Anyway, I don't really have any good recent pictures of myself, only high school
graduation and wedding pictures- a bit too formal for these purposes. You need at least one picture of yourself to sign up at these sites. (I think) The more pictures the more interest you get also

The point about online dating being a double edged sword seems true. It's so convenient but it can take some of the fun out of "the game." With a few clicks you can find your ideal guy, anywhere in the world, filter you search by any criteria and that's great but it seems so... push button and automatic. Kind of like a vending machine. Which I guess is good because I need to make up for lost time and I know I'll be interested in some guy who aren't interested in me.

BTW, what would I write to someone I'm was interested in. A request to be added as friends? Write about a common interest? I don't want to taken the wrong way or it to seem like an awkward message. This is where vocal inflection, facial expression and body language come in handy which can't be transferred online unless you have Skype or something similar.

The scene in Chicago should have many different scene's with a good range of guys. This is a big city, there's a lot of different scenes and a lot of gay niches out there to satisfy any type of guy. I don't know where these places are though and I don't think it would be smart to venture alone into one with no experience of what I should expect. We're pretty much everywhere so it shouldn't be this hard to find someone in the metro area.

Though, I've probably been making it harder by not putting myself in an environment where opportunities I'm looking for will arise. I know a great guy is not going to fall out of the sky but maybe I was a bit naive thinking I would find one going about my daily business. But then what do I say when I see some interest or at least perceive interest at a place where there are better opportunities? In the real world the person can read your body language and face when you do go up to them so maybe they can get a better feel of me if my nerves get the best of me. I'm a bit shy.

I guess I'll start out with the online realm for the greatest coverage and then pair it up with more traditional methods. Now if only I can find a good, recent picture of myself I'll be on my way.

 

[ariesstar89]

BTW, what would I write to someone I'm was interested in. A request to be added as friends? Write about a common interest? I don't want to taken the wrong way or it to seem like an awkward message. This is where vocal inflection, facial expression and body language come in handy which can't be transferred online unless you have Skype or something similar.

Well, everyone is different, i can only offer my insight as to what I think. I personally think that you can only to so well as to be yourself. I mean, think about what you would do in a normal situation where you meet someone and your interested, you strike up conversation, you find common ground, you flirt a lil bit, but dont make things TOO obvious, ya know? I mean, thats all I can really say. I'm not one who is going to sit online and randomly message guys and be like, hey your hot, etc etc. Some people do, some people dont...just not my thing. Anyways, thats bout the best advice I can give for the moment. Good luck findin pictures!

 

[saymyname]

You live in Chicago... stop thinking about it and just go outside. Geez...