General Question: is it a good idea to try to hook up at a convention, or just let things be?

[chrisdobro]

I am in United States, Ft Lauderdale. I have met a group of Ukrainian divers who are at a diving gathering. They speak Russian, and so do I. I found them on a gay beach. Turns out that they are for the most part, not gay. At least most of them are into girls and some do have girlfriends, and they did not know they were on the gay beach. And I bet still don't know they were, as I did not tell them.

They are busy with various training events and now, the competition events. I find it enjoyable to hang out with them, which I did three times now, and have not yet told them that I am gay, although they were some opportunities, but I guess I did not feel entirely comfortable revealing that yet, even that perhaps I should, and I do want to hang out with them and don't want to take a chance of them suddenly stopping our hang outs if they get scared off.

So, I have options -
* continue to hang out with them, without telling them I am gay, even though they are leaving soon, in 3-4 days, so just basically enjoy their company
* tell them I am gay with no other motive then just to come out to them, aka share a part of myself to them, and continue to hang out, if it so works out. Not intending, or warranting any hooking up activities
* come out to them somehow and try to gently yet actively hook up with one or more of them, aka hinting that I am interested more heavily than in the previous choice.

As I've mentioned, they have their competition on their mind and are mostly busy with themselves and their activities. They do not speak much English so I have been so far acting as a guide and a hang-out partner. They have talked about gay dudes in their country and in ours on one occasion. I have mentioned to them a nearby gay bar, on our walk, and they asked some questions about it and we moved on. They have been asking me about my life, whom I live with if I'm married, and if my friend buddy whom I live with is married, so maybe they were fishing more info out of me, or maybe not. So far they did not talk me into a corner where I have to come out, so I am basically "passing" for a dude without committing to my sexuality and avoiding coming out to them. I wonder if they wonder if I am gay or not.

So there, any suggestions as to how to proceed?

 

[jensu846]

I would come out and see what happens. 3 or 4 more days isn't long even if they aren't into guys, they can still chill with you.. Do you plan on seeing these guys at another convention in the future or remain friends? if not, I say go for it. Seriously, whats the worst that can happen by coming out to them? I bet you might even get one!

 

[chrisdobro]

thanks

the worst? They stop talking to me, stop hanging out with me and I will go back home (Michigan).

Unlikely but they may be more self-conscious about me from knowing. I just hope I did not make it too overdue to tell them. I guess it is better late than never though.

 

[Seasoned]

Do you have any idea how they view homosexuality?

 

[jleon83]

First off like the other guys said make sure they are okay with homosexuals because you never know how they will respond. If they are okay then I would tell them that you are gay but I would not hit on them or try to hook up with them.

 

[Benvolio]

Do you have the impression that any of them are gay? Your mention of the gay bar should have given them a clue about yourself. I think a gay would have picked up on it and made some hints to you if he were interested.

 

[chrisdobro]

thanks

I hung out with the guys for entire week, not every day but I pretty much saw them every day. Went to Miami, to a mall, and some other places. Some of them are not gay. It seems like no one of them are gay.
They seem to be okay with homosexuality. They know athletes within their greater group who are gay.

I still have not flat out told them I am but I am very close. I told them my friend is gay, I told them I am going to gay bars, I showed them my knowledge of gay topics and places in the area. I almost did everything except saying I am gay. I offered to show them gay bars and drive them to the bars. I bet they are just waiting for me to say it. They wanted to see lesbians kissing, and also guys kissing as they have never seen that. The guy said he preferred lesbians, as I guess any straight guy would. They keep asking questions that allow me to say it but I just kind of keep avoiding to say it, I do not know why, it seems like I am tippy toeing into that area and want to have them basically almost get it out of me. Like I was at the gay bar and kept my wrist band from the bar. One of the guys asked me about it, I said it was form the bar. He asked what kind of bar, and I had plenty of opportunity to say "gay bar", but instead I said the name of the bar, which to them did not matter, as they don't know what bar is called what and what kind of bar it was. It is like I keep avoiding it. I think I can just say it already, it won't do any harm. I have been passing as straight so I feel a bit .... weird, like they asked me before if I liked a certain girl and I was like "yeah ... " and now saying I am gay will be a little funny perhaps.

They are leaving in about 2 days. You are right -- coming out is fine, but it is in their court where it goes from there. It is most appropriate to leave things at friends level and not pursue/force anything else.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi chrisdobro,

Thanks for your extensive reply. I tend to think that these guys are no homophobes, given their interest in all kind of gay items / topics you have discussed with them, and the way how you judge it. Any idea how often they have visited countries outside Ukraine (countries like the US where there is alot of freedom for gay people to do what they want)?

Take your time and don't force things. I get the idea that they will not be too suprized that you are gay. Given the facts that you don't have a girlfriend, that you don't seem to be much interested in girls, that you don't have gone out of your way to prove them that you are straight (e.g. by pretending that you have a girlfriend), that you have discussed with them about alot of gay items (within the US society), and that you have done this is a normal way (so not pretending that you are a homophobe).

like they asked me before if I liked a certain girl and I was like "yeah ... " and now saying I am gay will be a little funny perhaps. Well, you did not deny that you were gay. Gay guys can also be interested in girls (why not), and gay guys can also judge if a certain girl is pretty. But.......

You gave a vague reply ('yeah.....'), meaning that you can agree with them that this girl was pretty. But there is a 'but', and you know what I mean.

Good luck, and maybe you will find a good opportunity to let them know that you are gay. Likely, its no big deal for them?