Get over it?

[Tizinsane]

I never had a crush on someone I consider a friend, but I had crushes on many of my classmates in high school.

It can be so hard to deal with it. You have to get out of your house and keep yourself occupied. Take a small vacation if u can. Hang out with other friends. There's so much you can do to take your mind off him.

 

[maxpowr9]

I would say keep yourself distracted. You don't really say if you hang out with him alot or not. If you do, does he know you're gay? If not, then I would strongly suggest NOT confessing your love to him. They call it a "crush" for a reason; because in the end, you will just 'crush' your heart. There is no point in chasing something you can't have.


If you don't hang out with him, then just try keep all contact away from him. After going through one crush, it can get a little easier as you notice signs it's happening again.

 

[texan_slant]

There is really no way to get over someone unless you find additional friends or interests.

You also have to mentally "let it go." Not necessarily of the friendship, but keep telling yourself that this is someone you can never realistically have.

 

[dunno260]

I am not a fan of the distraction approach too much unless its one of the crushes that tends to be more fleeting than long lasting, and I believe this one is more of the latter. Distraction helps take your focus off of the person for a bit, but it doesn't do much to help your underlying desire. You are playing a short term game of bait and switch.

You have got to get it through to yourself that if your friend is straight, and you sound fairly convinced of it, what you want is never, ever going to occur. Once that happens, healing and moving on can begin. Finding hobies, other interests, some more friends, etc. as people have suggested with the distraction approach helps in this stage.

Whether or not you can continue the friendship, I couldn't say, only really you can. I couldn't with my friend because it just hurt too much to be around him. Others can continue to be friends.

As for telling him, I think it can go either way. I tend to think though that its something that is better not to do particularly if you want to keep the friendship, but I know that it has been good for some people to tell their friend as a part of moving on and getting over it.

But, then again, here I am some 4 years removed from my best friend and I am still am not truly over it. I have gotten to the point where I don't really love him or have a crush on him anymore, but the scar is still there and the pain of what I went through hasn't healed enough for me to really go looking for a relationship.

Thats my two cents at least.

 

[p700granat]

Do you still see him quite frequently? If not, time will help you get over it. I had been in this situation twice before, and it took about a half a year each time to completely get over. Now even when I see then again I don't feel anything special about them. But right at this moment I also need to get over someone I thought I already gotten over - hopefully time will us both.

 

[p700granat]

So, sorry ...I don't think the whole "time will absolve those feelings" advice will work...

Just speaking from my personal experience. It took time and there were relapses. But if doesn't work for you, I certainly hope someone would give some better advice, because I'm in serious need for them too

 

[hanshansen]

Some random thoughts from someone who's working through the same thing (though not with a straight friend, I just don't get that ).

Don't pretend your feelings don't exist, but don't indulge in fantasies: keep telling yourself what the reality is

Don't pointlessly distract yourself, but make yourself focus on what needs doing or what you want to do

To do that, some kind of meditation technique (I just use a mental: breathe in, breathe out) helps with the low-level stress and the intruding thoughts

I would feel much, much worse if I didn't have friends I can talk to about this

The friend who I'm getting over recommended a book to me (not in order to help me get over him ) called 'Who moved my cheese'. It's a simple little self-help book which is meant to help kick-start you into accepting unavoidable change. One key message from the book is:

The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese.

Another is that the process of searching for new cheese can itself feel good, because you're controlling your situation and moving forwards.

Ìf you find yourself unwilling or unable to search for new cheese, ask yourself why and work on that.

I hope all that helps, because if it doesn't, I'm not doing the right things!

 

[Lube]

The quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you can enjoy new cheese.

Another is that the process of searching for new cheese can itself feel good, because you're controlling your situation and moving forwards.

Ìf you find yourself unwilling or unable to search for new cheese, ask yourself why and work on that.

Well, I wasn't going to put it quite that way , but it's basically what I was going to say: Find a (gay) boyfriend. And if you're not looking for one, you have issues.

 

[Muskox]

It hurts too much thinking about him...please make it stop...

Nobody on this forum can make it stop. Only you can do that. It's going to be very hard, but you will have to take control and stop obsessing about him. You've gotten lots of good advice here. Don't say, "I don't think I can do that." Do it.

Another approach would be to tell him the whole truth -- you're gay and you love him. He will probably tell you he's straight and make it clear to you that you're wasting your time. Or, he might tell you to fuck off and never talk to you again. That may be painful, but at least you've moved off the dime and will be forced to get on with your life.

 

[Muscles4daze]

I used to see him frequently during high school, but not anymore. And I pretty much knew him since we were born.

We're in college so Facebook and chatting is the only means of communication, but even that we don't regularly do.

I REALLY liked him when I was in 10th grade, but then I got over him after I went to college. But at the same time, he was always a guy that I liked.

Now it feels like my 10th grade feelings are fired up double what I felt back then.

So, sorry ...I don't think the whole "time will absolve those feelings" advice will work...

Once you realize you will never have this person and accept it the next thing to do is occupy your mind with other things rather than him, for me the gym has helped me through a lot of tough times, and I am sure it will help you too.

 

[Caeth]

You've already won most of the battle: recognizing your feelings, that he doesn't share them, and that you need to work past it.

Different "tricks" work for different people...so I don't really know what works best for you. My main suggestion is to realize that he's not perfect (for you) and that he has many flaws. When you're in love with someone, you tend to put them up on a pedestal and think they're amazing in everything they do....if you can manage to take them down a notch and let reality sink in, then the feelings should be greatly diminished.

As a last resort though, the solution is simply to spend some time away from him.