Getting Lonely

[LouieAnderson]

Background info: I'm 23 and Bi (about 80% Gay though). Only close friends know I love cock (family would disown me for sure). Never been a relationship longer than a week. Only had sex with 2 people (a one-night stand and friend, both girls, highly-intoxicated for both).

I've always considered my self very independent and didn't need the "standard" of having a partner to be happy. Lately depression has been slowly seeping into my life however (more than usual). Lately, it seems like all my friends are always couple up and I am always the odd man out.

My question is: Have any of you been in this situation where you feel like you can't find somebody because you don't have the previous experiences you should have had when you were younger? I have no idea how to flirt or meet people. Also, the area I live in is redneck as hell and no on is open about their homosexuality.

I've never regretted my past until now . . . and it is really starting to suck.

 

[rareboy]

At 23, you don't even have a past to regret. It is almost all still ahead of you.

The first thing you need to do is focus. And decide if 80% is leaving you enough wiggle room because you're afraid of actually being a homo full time.

Then you need to deal with the depression. This is something you can only do if you get some proper help in diagnosing and treating the condition.

I appreciate you live in a redneck area. You can either let this be your prison for life or you can break free. If you aren't happy where you are, then move. Re-invent yourself.

This is the moment when you could start to make some positive changes so that you don't look back when you're 30 and regret your past.

 

[Ruukdahl]

I know exactly how you feel. My whole high school career, I played video games and was a complete social outcast because I was afraid to come out since my parents are religious. When I started college, I had my first crush. I didn't know how to handle it because I had never really let myself look at guys, I'd avoid them. So, I don't know anything about how to initiate a relationship or how to be in one.

Since I've came out, I've not changed very much either... because just as you, I live in a red neck area and no one is open about their sexuality. I'm looking to move once I finish graduate school.

If it helps any, here is my background info. I'm 21 years old and 100% gay. I've never been in a relationship and I'm still a virgin.

 

[TX-Beau]

My question is: Have any of you been in this situation where you feel like you can't find somebody because you don't have the previous experiences you should have had when you were younger? I have no idea how to flirt or meet people. Also, the area I live in is redneck as hell and no on is open about their homosexuality.

I've never regretted my past until now . . . and it is really starting to suck.

Here’s the thing. No one comes out of the womb with the kind of social skills and confidence needed to be consistently successful with guys.

Both of those things require practice, for everyone, gay or straight. Most straight people start working on that in high school. Most gay men don’t have that freedom, and generally start a bit later in college.

Thing is, whether you’re 18 or 14, you have to practice.

So how do you get that practice? Not on the net. The net is good for many things but not for conducting relationships. There are too many physical factors involved in dating that you can’t assess, nor learn how to deal with unless you’re face to face.

First thing you need to do, is put yourself in a target rich environment. So do some research, at your age you’re perfectly capable of getting in your car and going to the nearest gay gathering place. Each time you’re there, introduce yourself to five guys, the bartender doesn’t count.

Don’t hit on them, don’t perv, just sociably introduce yourself:

“Hi I’m Noob, I’m from Noobville. What does a gay guy do for fun around here?”



…but I can’t just walk up to some guy and introduce myself!...

Yes you can – and that is exactly how you start acquiring the social skills necessary to find a guy.

You can start putting yourself out there, or you can waste more time to have regrets over.

 

[kevinsexh8]

I'm 21 and I'm starting to think like you, I have tried to find somebody to love but mah gawd all men are gaynizer and just want sex and the guys who want relationship are uglies.

but to be honest I think that everyone need somebody to love, I hope u find yours soon

 

[trinket]

I appreciate you live in a redneck area. You can either let this be your prison for life or you can break free. If you aren't happy where you are, then move. Re-invent yourself.

I can second your whole post, really, but especially this paragraph! I took off clear across the country on my own a few years ago for one of the biggest, electric cities after growing up in a small conservative town and spun my interests/hobby into what I wanted to do as a job. It's been liberating and an adventure every day. One of the best things I did in life, for the first time I felt fully in the "drivers' seat".

LouieAnderson, there's some good advice from some of the guys in this thread. And I'm not sure if the geography of where you live is of a major issue to you or just a side factor, a "reason" you cited and not a huge deal in terms of things you can change or would want to change before the (big) step of moving out on your own. And I'm not saying picking up and moving clear cross country is for everybody; there's that saying "Wherever you go, there you are", meaning your own problems, insecurities or personality quirks you don't like about yourself follow you, so it's not a magic band-aid. But if you really feel stuck or shackled by family's expectations or pre-conceived ideas of who you are, or small-town judgment mindsets, you can A) do nothing, and learn to accept it, B) start to work "within" that system by changing some patterns or thinking or the relationships with the people in the area that might lead to you being happier, or C) make some big change to bust out of that system (it doesn't have to equate with "moving" - it's just whatever big step you think'll make you happy).

And jaygmi59, wow, you go! 73 with a 28 year old? You cradle-robber you! But I think that's awesome, as long as everyone is obviously legal and consenting, it's the idea that sometimes you can mesh with someone and age is just a number. I have a few friends who've dated older guys and gained a lot from the experiences.

 

[fudebako]

Good luck to you.

 

[Reality101]

Correct me if I am wrong but what you are saying is that you want to get close to someone and form a relationship, but you are feeling unsure about how to do this because you've never tried in the past. You've always been happy alone and independent but at 23 you're lonely and wanting companionship?

Okay... so if this is what you are struggling with then my advice is to open yourself up to opportunities to meet new people. Do not look to the past and regret the time that you have "lost"/"wasted" being alone. Instead take the small (and large) steps that you need to take to get yourself comfortable with allowing someone else into your life. Maybe you should think about coming out? Or maybe you should focus on coming out of your shell and being more social and open as opposed to closed off in your own world. You sound to me like you have a lot of fear in you. Examine that and work to let it go.

If I got it wrong then no harm, no foul good luck to you.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>My question is: Have any of you been in this situation where you feel like you can't find somebody because you don't have the previous experiences you should have had when you were younger?

I didn't get come out until I was 22.
I didn't get laid until I was 25.
And I'd like to think I turned out OK.

Don't worry about being "behind" everybody else. Just pick up from where you are now.

Lex

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

Have you talked to your friends about this? Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through. I too, live in redneck hell, and it is hard for me to be open about my sexuality, and as with you, it seems like my friends are always partnered up. And I too thought that I could hold myself above the normal standard and not need someone to be happy, but I was wrong. My piece of advice to you is, go out to gay clubs or somewhere like that if you can, and try to meet someone. Or ask your friends if they know anyone, you'd be surprised by their response, and hopefully it works in your favor.

I just hope you get to feeling better, because depression is not a good thing, not good at all. It leads to self loathing. Well, at least it did with me, and it took me a very long time to get out of my self loathing stage.

Well, I'll quit rambling now.



I hope everything works out

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

I know that, you have to find some if you can. The closest gay clubs around me are like an hour away and it sucks.

 

[Deandbn]

I dont think your family will disown you, quite the opposite actually. I also think that most mommy's and daddy's know whether their son prefers knitting or karate, so speak to them sooner than later, and when you do, promise not to embarrass them publicly, and i am sure they will be ok with you for being honest with them. You will also be a lot happier because you wont have anything to hide. Gee, how cool is that!!!

Back to the point though:-
Go to a gay bar looking really hot and swann (wander) around the bar with 'come on eyes' and i am sure some gorgeous guy will come along, be very attentive, and give you a 'one on one' lesson on how to flirt... and all you've gotta do is sit back and enjoy it.

Hey, maybe you'll get real lucky and get to go home with him!

Good luck Bud!!

 

[Deandbn]

Oh, and let me know how it goes.