veryhotguy
On the Prowl
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2005
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- 71
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First of all, I'm still in the closet. I was planning on coming out soon, but then again some things happened and now I don't really have the courage anymore.
I'm in my first year at university, and from the first day I went to class I noticed this guy. He was (and still is) totally hot, looks confident and extremely extravagantly compared to other guys in my class. I secretly wanted to get to know him, because he seemed to be extremely fun to be around.
A couple weeks later I met someone who is a friend of me now. One day, we went for lunch together, and on the way to the restaurant he told me that someone else would join us, a groupmember of his (we were divided into groups for writing a paper). You can call it fate, or coincidence, but the one joining us was the hot guy I secretly wanted to meet.
I was very happy of course, and he turned out to be exactly the way I pictured him to be. From then on, he joined us every week for lunch, and we started to be friends. We exchanged cellphone numbers, so I really got the idea that he liked me as a friend.
Some time later we went to see a movie together, and he asked me if he could spent the night at my place, because he didn't have a train home after the movie. I said yes, of course, and that night we slept in a single bed, only wearing boxers. We talked until 5 am, so I really got to know him better. He told me that he had had a girlfriend before, but others (including myself) thought he was gay. I was kinda hoping he was going to come out to me, what would have given me chance to do the same. Unfortunately, he didn't.
I was starting to feel attached to him, and sent him messages on a regular basis (not every day, but two or three messages a week). Then the Christmas holidays started, and I asked him if it was okay that we would get together during holidays. He answered, and I quote: 'Yeah, that's a great plan!'
I was very happy, and counted down the days. But then this message came. He claimed that I wasn't 'his kind of friend', and that I was 'suffocating' him. He didn't want to be my friend anymore because 'he didn't feel like replying immediately tot my messages'.
I was devastated, because I was starting to fall in love with him, and there hadn't been any signs of him not liking me at all.
From then on, we stopped talking to each other. When we bump into each other during class, he ignores me, even though he said not to.
Last week, I heard he kinda came out to his friends, which of course led to me falling in love with him even more than I already was.
At the moment I feel incredibly stupid. I still feel like it's my fault that he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore (even though everyone tells me that's not true). If he had still be my friend, I would probably be out now, and maybe he would have been my bf.
But I need to get over him, because I know things will not work out the way I want them to work out. He'll never talk to me again, and the chances of him and I talking again are pretty much none existent.
I don't know what to do. I guess I just needed to tell the full story. It's a relief to share my story with someone. I was kinda tired telling everyone that I just missed him just 'as a friend'.
I'm in my first year at university, and from the first day I went to class I noticed this guy. He was (and still is) totally hot, looks confident and extremely extravagantly compared to other guys in my class. I secretly wanted to get to know him, because he seemed to be extremely fun to be around.
A couple weeks later I met someone who is a friend of me now. One day, we went for lunch together, and on the way to the restaurant he told me that someone else would join us, a groupmember of his (we were divided into groups for writing a paper). You can call it fate, or coincidence, but the one joining us was the hot guy I secretly wanted to meet.
I was very happy of course, and he turned out to be exactly the way I pictured him to be. From then on, he joined us every week for lunch, and we started to be friends. We exchanged cellphone numbers, so I really got the idea that he liked me as a friend.
Some time later we went to see a movie together, and he asked me if he could spent the night at my place, because he didn't have a train home after the movie. I said yes, of course, and that night we slept in a single bed, only wearing boxers. We talked until 5 am, so I really got to know him better. He told me that he had had a girlfriend before, but others (including myself) thought he was gay. I was kinda hoping he was going to come out to me, what would have given me chance to do the same. Unfortunately, he didn't.
I was starting to feel attached to him, and sent him messages on a regular basis (not every day, but two or three messages a week). Then the Christmas holidays started, and I asked him if it was okay that we would get together during holidays. He answered, and I quote: 'Yeah, that's a great plan!'
I was very happy, and counted down the days. But then this message came. He claimed that I wasn't 'his kind of friend', and that I was 'suffocating' him. He didn't want to be my friend anymore because 'he didn't feel like replying immediately tot my messages'.
I was devastated, because I was starting to fall in love with him, and there hadn't been any signs of him not liking me at all.
From then on, we stopped talking to each other. When we bump into each other during class, he ignores me, even though he said not to.
Last week, I heard he kinda came out to his friends, which of course led to me falling in love with him even more than I already was.
At the moment I feel incredibly stupid. I still feel like it's my fault that he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore (even though everyone tells me that's not true). If he had still be my friend, I would probably be out now, and maybe he would have been my bf.
But I need to get over him, because I know things will not work out the way I want them to work out. He'll never talk to me again, and the chances of him and I talking again are pretty much none existent.
I don't know what to do. I guess I just needed to tell the full story. It's a relief to share my story with someone. I was kinda tired telling everyone that I just missed him just 'as a friend'.
