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getting over shame/guilt

B

bottomnerd

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Hi guys--

I'm basically bi/curious (not out), and have wondered what sex with men is like for many years now but have never worked up the courage to do anything. I've come close to meeting guys on Craigslist or Adam4Adam but I always lose my nerve and jack off instead. Sometimes I like to play with my ass too, and it always feels incredible, but afterwards I always feel embarrassed and awkward. I'm worried that if I ever get the chance to have sex with a guy, I'm going to feel awful after I cum.

Anyone else been in the same position? How did you get over it? I'm wondering if what I should do is to start by just pleasing a guy and not cumming myself until later, and maybe find a fuck buddy so I can practice and get used to the idea. Or is it better to dive in and get it over with? I can't stop fantasizing about getting fucked, but I don't know if the pleasure will outweigh the guilt.

Any advice would be appreciated. For what it's worth, I'm not religious or homophobic, and I certainly don't think gay sex is inherently dirty - but I'd rather not have anyone know about this side of me either. I just want to explore and relieve some stress without feeling bad about it.
 
You have already dealt with a big part of it - realizing that it is just an internal guilt - something in the way you grew up.

Not sure there is a real "cure" for it - it just takes time to get more comfortable with - and believe me there are a lot of guys out there that still feel embarrassed and awkward and don't want people to know what they do behind closed doors.
 
Thanks for posting I thought I was
The only one whom felt that way
 
Actually, I'd say that Craigslist or Adam4Adam would probably be bad for one who thinks they'll feel bad after they cum. You should get to know a guy, I've found more meaningful equals less guilt. Also a lot of sex with guys reduces it as well. But if you jump into it as just cheap pick up sex, the risk of feeling empty afterwards is higher, imo.
 
I used to feel guilty too, it only changes as you accept who you are. You may want to build a relationship with someone before having sex with them from those sites. Make sure it's someone you would want to call a friend and that they will be understanding with your guilt. I talked with a guy for about a month and he helped me to get over my guilt alot. If it's religion holding you back do some true soul searching. If you're in a relationship don't do it without your partners consent. Most of all make sure you are comfortable with you.
 
I know this feeling. When I had to find out for myself I did the hook up thing. I felt so horrible and dirty and thought everyone would know or see it somehow. But when I met my first real friend that I bonded with and trusted I did not feel bad at all and actually felt so much closer.
I think the cheap hook up way will cause you to feel the same shame I felt. It was terrible adterwards. But during it was so hot finally experiencing what I wanhnted. I just wish I would have waited to share it with someone I cared for on some level.
 
The guilt is often because of a deep seated belief that it is 'wrong'. You haven't said if you've had sex with women. If you have, is there any guilt afterwards - or is it just when the sexual urge involves men? Either way you need to look at WHY you feel it is wrong, and then counter those (often irrational) reasons with rational and factual reasons why it ISN'T wrong.

It may also be worthwhile heading over to the Coming Out, Relationships & Bisex Talk forum as there are some great resources and links that may help you.
 
chtida said:
Thanks for posting I thought I was
The only one whom felt that way
Click to expand...

I've had feelings like that too. I'm very curious about men and I want to have sex with a man. There was a time I was close to after talking to the person and sending photos to each other. I would jack off, then feel guilty afterwards. I still have the urge I want to have sex with a man, but yet I still feel like that I am doing something "wrong", even though I know that it's not wrong.
 
I used to feel guilty to because of religion and society's opinions on it, but I got over it with time. You just have to tell yourself that it's natural and it's okay.
 
I used to feel guilty about my attraction to men because of religious reasons and social pressure. I lived in denial because of these reasons.
Then I decided I was going to face my sexuality head on.
I found a guy on Adam4Adam to fuck me. He was a great guy and answered a lot of questions for me about being gay. He also gave me a good fucking, several times, because we ended up spending the entire weekend together.
I don't have any guilt about hooking up with guys because I have accepted that it is OK to be gay.
 
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