Getting Over Someone

[Jock23]

Where to begin. This is something that has been going on since October and has caused so much drama it’s ridiculous. I met this guy Thong spring semester. Over last summer, we talked on the phone like everyday and got pretty close. Then, when I came back for this past semester, we spent a lot of time together and became a couple. It was going really well until I found out he cheated on me. What made it worse was the fact that the guy was absolutely hideous. It was also extremely hurtful when I found out this was going on for like two weeks. Which was about the same amount of time we were together. Like a complete idiot, I forgave him and decided it was something we could get through and continued the relationship. This time period was where I developed really strong feelings for him. I felt like I had to go above and beyond in what I did so he wouldn’t cheat. This also made me a lot clingier as well. So several weeks go by and this Jonathan guy comes along. My friends were over Thong’s apartment with this guy and I could tell something was up. It was late so I went back to my dorm and came over the next day. We had sex and after I was like if there’s anything you need to tell me about what you’ve done, (thinking it would have been something before or shortly after he cheated on me the first time) I’ll forgive you. At this point I said, “I love you” and meant it. So I invested a lot in the relationship. He said he fucked Jonathan the night before. This pretty much crushed me for like a complete week. Here’s the interesting part. Like when you break up with someone, most of the time you just go your separate way. It was the complete opposite with me. I was over the apartment like everyday from then until last week. We’ve also had sex many times during that time frame. He was sending so many mixed signals it’s been hard not to like him again. There was a point where I actually didn’t and wanted to move on. So here’s my problem. I have feelings for him again and I know he doesn’t for me. He likes someone else. This is ridiculous though; I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Knowing what he’s done to me, I just can’t explain why I like him again. I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I’m cute and I have a lot to offer so it’s not like it would be hard for me to find another boyfriend. I just need to get over him and I’m not exactly sure how to go about that. I’m a mess and could use some good advice.

 

[G-Lexington]

How do you get over him? Well, for one thing, you might try not going over to his place to have sex anymore. If that's already done and done, then just keep in mind the two major points:

Stay busy.
Stay away.

Don't give yourself time to pine over what could've been, since apparently it couldn't. Fill your life up. Get all those chores done you've been putting off. Go out more. Try new restaurants and shops. Hang out with your friends more.

And cut off all contact with him. If he calls, cut it short. If he stops by, say you've gotta go. Save all those "special" e-mails and photos to a CD, put it away, and delete them off your hard drive. Make positive steps forward.

Lex

 

[Eagle653]

^^^Exactly what Lex says. Especially: Stay busy, stay away. It really isn't any more complicated than that.

You've done the right thing by breaking this off. You can see where it's self-destructive and totally unhealthy for you. The guy is a player and you've realized that. I'm sorry this happened. It's especially easy to fall for a player, it really is.

Your heart broke. The good news is that it heals, but takes time. It heals faster and more completely if you break off all contact. Then, you can move on.

Good luck. Everyone here knows this isn't easy.

 

[rareboy]

Exactly what has been said above.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Talk to yourself and make your own, firm and irrevocable decisions. Put him behind you and move on.

Show yourself that you have, what it takes to be happy and fulfilled in life. Capable dudes always win. You want to be on their side...

SC

 

[Jock23]

Thanks for the advice you guys. So I talked to him the other night about all of this and he wants to stay good friends. I'm ok with that. There just needs to be boundaries I guess. Here's the thing though. I was suspended for a semester (I live in NJ go to college in GA) and certain circumstances are preventing me from staying in Jersey. My friend and I want to get our own apartment but can't do anything until Feb. This would mean I have to live in the same apartment with him and his room mates for a month. It's a crazy situation so what do you guys think?

 

[silentalk]

First of all, there's nothing wrong with you. It's natural to still have feelings for him.

Now, for the hard part. It might be difficult for you to let go. It might take some time. The best thing you could do, just like the guys suggested, stay away from him for now... until you are certain you got over him!