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Getting Used A lot

thekspot

thekspot

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Hey guys long time lurker of this forum, very rarely post here, but I felt this forum would give me the best rounded response to this kind of concern I am having.


I am pretty much a late 20's kind of guy seeking more of a committment then just a fuck buddy or friendswithbenefits type deal.

I am finding a lot of guys out there are using me. Mostly for sexual purposes. They are really nice guys, once i have sex with them, bam they are done with me.

I fall hard for a guy very easily, so a pretty face can get me weak in the knees very easily.

How do I avoid this same kind of destructive pattern?
Anyone else go through this same kind of thing.
 
Men are pigs. Getting used is pretty much unavoidable. Just gotta pick and choose them a little more wisely (without being too picky or choosey, of course).
 
A long time ago, in a bar far, far away - after much bitching along the same vein - a very fabulous and worldly wise drag queen said to me:

"...but honey, you're the one choosing the pigs..."
 
First of all, you say you are looking for more than just something casual. Then you say you fall for pretty faces. If you want something more serious, you will have to go beyond the superficial, get to know what's behind the face.

Second, "really nice guys" don't use others. These guys knew what it took to get in your pants and that was by acting nice.

What can you do about it? You can stop jumping into bed with all of them. They guys who want more than just sex will hang around. Those who don't will disappear quickly.

The ball is in your court. Good luck.
 
TX-Beau said:
A long time ago, in a bar far, far away - after much bitching along the same vein - a very fabulous and worldly wise drag queen said to me:

"...but honey, you're the one choosing the pigs..."
Click to expand...

TX-Beau and i have had our spats in the past, but this is sage advice. sixthson also offers wise words, my partner waited almost 5 months before we took the plunge. I too wish you good luck
 
I'm not entirely sure how that works, "being used" for sex. *
You have sex with somebody because you want to have sex with them, and they want to have sex with you. Right?
How is one using the other?

Anyway, in my experience, a lot of guys disappear after the first time.
(Waiting a little longer before having sex for the first time might help with this. Admittedly, I don't really know)
But if it happens all the time, then maybe you're doing something wrong.

Maybe you're coming across like somebody who is looking for casual sex ("a pretty face can get me weak in the knees").
Maybe you're not very good at reading people ("They are really nice guys"), and you keep going for guys who aren't genuine.
Maybe you're being a little too intense ("I fall hard for a guy very easily") and scare people off.
Maybe you're coming across as immature (again, "I fall hard for a guy very easily") and it makes people not take you seriously as potential romantic partner.

Just bringing those things up as possibilities.


* Unless we're talking about rape, but that's obviously a very differnt topic.
 
you pretty much just keep going until you find a good one. took me 6 years to get a steady boyfriend, i stopped looking and decided just to have fun, thats when I found one hahaha. My advice is to go out and have fun, the right guy will come along eventually.
 
thanks for all the responses
some of them have been quite helpful
 
You must be "easy" or else you wouldn't be complaining about it.

Take my philosophy: "think with your big head. not your little head." If you continue to think with your penis, the results will speak for themselves. It's tough, I know, but doable.
 
you are dealing with men. men love sex just like you. if you wanted a guaranteed steady relationship, try to look for a lesbian.

but that being said, it can take a lot of guys to find the right one. or dating for a long time. there is no hard and fast rule. by trial and error, try to look for the right one without being too restrictive on what qualifies. everyone has faults, including you. just keep looking and enjoy the search, then when you find that one potential guy, make an effort; of course, he has to reciprocate also - love is not a one-way street.

good luck in looking for that right guy :)
 
I disagree with the advice of withholding sex as a means to figure out who the nice ones are. People are sexual to varying degrees. I have had a LOT of first dates that have ended with sex and continued into one kind of relationship or another, even sexless friendships.

The trick is to be alert and not just labeling a guy as "nice" because he smiles a lot and gives you compliments. Maybe the whole pretty face thing is an issue ;) In my experience, the prettier the guys, the shallower they are. I mean, let's be real - people with actual personalities have too much to do to spend hours at the gym every day.
 
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